We put the LOL in wrestling (if you add an "O" and another "L", we guess.)
Here you will be invited into the world of two working, college educated gentlemen who happen to love the world of professional wrestling, but love to ridicule things even more.
Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.
Perhaps I was a little hasty to proclaim that the WWE hates Smackdown fans last week. Truth is, the show's kind of engaging. Especially since Wrestlemania is on the horizon! So let's go over the positives right now.
1) Two champions.
As stated in previous recaps, Edge lost his WWE title at No Way Out. HHH won it. So he's the current champ. But then, Edge, being the ultimate opportunist, finagled his way into the World title match, and won! Thereby Smackdown has all the big gold, and everyone on raw is chasing CM Punk.
2) Michelle McCool and Maryse are fine pieces.
Gentlemen, set your boners on cum.
3) The Undertaker.
There's no denying that the Deadman is one of the more engaging personalities to grace a WWE ring. He's a first ballot hall of famer and his undefeated streak at Wrestlemania is unparalleled. So naturally, when Mania comes around the Phenom get's even more attention as numerous wrestlers try in vain to be his one Wrestlemania blemish. Which brings us to his possible opponent.
Hate to spoil Matt's Raw recap, but Shawn Michaels and JBL are having a little skirmish to see who get's the honor of losing to 'Taker in Houston this year. I think both men have a fantastic shot of giving us a great match and I can't wait to see this inter-brand clash of ti-
Again? What?
We're still working on perfecting this....
I see. In other news, MVP has a winning streak! I know! He just recently had a losing streak! What a turn of events! He was set for an all ethnic tag match as he teamed with R-Truth to take on Chavo Guerrero and Shelton Benjamin! But, there's been a development! Chavo and Shelton attacked R-Truth during his ring entrance, so rather then disqualify the two of them for committing assault, the ref let's it continue as a handicap match! Why don't more teams do this? Still, against tremendous odds (2-1 to be exact), MVP somehow pulled off the upset.
That's where the proof is.
I don't know why Matt didn't mention this, but Raw last week didn't end with Shane McMahon being carted off on a stretcher. No, it ended with Randy Orton booting Stephanie McMahon in the head. For some reason Jim Ross interviewed HHH about this. I mean, I know he and Stephanie were married for a few years back in the early 2000's, but they got a divorce! And he embarrasses her every chance he gets. Don't get me wrong, I love cheering HHH (at least this week LOL), but even I can't condone him making fun of Stephanie after getting kicked by that one eyed snake, Orton!
Wha??? Huh? Vince McMahon is his fa-fa-father in law??? Stephanie is the mother of his children? HHH and Stephanie are married? I'm so confused!
Finally, Jeff Hardy interrupted Edge's title celebration to complain about how he was given a rematch in the elimination chamber. Not exactly fair ("I was locked in Guerrero's Elimination Chamber" were his exact words I believe). And by complain Jeff meant "I'll make fun of your wife and hit you with a Twist of Fate." On Earth-53 this solves all problems as Jeff took on Edge this night, albeit non-title. Still, take a look at what he did to the champ with a few drums of gas and a couple of bullets.
He was just about to put the match away when his evil brother Matt interfered!
Not pictured: Jeff Hardy (because I inadvertently cropped him out.)
That's tonight! OMG! TUNE IN! TUNE IN! MyNetwork TV 8/7c!
Things get pretty cluttered from time to time here in the LOL, Wresslin' cave; so much so that we're left scratching our heads about what to talk about and what to save until later. So today, we're doing a little spring cleaning, made all the more special because it's not even spring yet! Not only are we the finest wrestling comedy internet writers on Blogspot, we're also forward thinkers.
Included here in a quick rundown of news are items that, while they certainly could have garnered their own post, aren't going to get one. They can enjoy the company of other stories that we don't feel worthy of our considerable talents.
Linda McMahon will sit on the Connecticut Board of Education- After a lengthy battle with state lawmakers, WWE CEO Linda McMahon was finally approved to sit on the board of education. Those opposing said that as the CEO of WWE, Mrs. McMahon promoted violence to children. Come on people! The WWE is most the kid-friendly entertainment out there. Plus, they are commited to education! They had a teacher character, for goodness sakes!
Above: future Connecticut classroom.
Jericho intentionally mean to Rourke during Larry King interview- Not long ago there were rumors that Mickey Rourke, star of The Wrestler, was going to be at Wrestlemania 25 to fight Chris Jericho. This all started when Rourke called out Lionheart during a red carpet interview at the SAG awards. Not long after, the duo appeared on Larry King Live together, and Jericho pretty much was a total ass to Mickey during the entire segment. To the surprise of no one, Jericho said in a later interview that he was playing up the fight and portraying a character. Is there nothing we can believe in anymore?!
Ric Flair cries in another interview- CBS recently did a feature on our favorite stylin' and profilin' son-of-a-gun, Ric Flair. In it, he was asked if it was hard to leave the wrestling business behind. In true Flair fashion, he starts to cry. Watch the interview below.
Leave the memories alone...don't change a thing.
Jerry Lawler prefers working with Michael Cole- Lawler was recently asked which broadcasting partner he prefers to work with, and he chose current Raw announcer Michael Cole over his former long-time collegue Jim Ross. He explained that Cole didn't want to spend as much time in meetings as JR did. And here we thought Jerry Lawler always kept his nose to the grindstone.
Unless "grindstone" is some clever euphemism.
Upcoming Macho Man DVD to feature superstar commentary- Adding their voices and insight to a new Macho Man career retrospective, due in June, will be WWE stars Maria and, making his second appearance in this update, Matt Striker. Maria seems obvious, simply because she's a hot chick. But Matt Striker? Well, JR explains on his blog that Mr. Striker is not only a talented wrestler and announcer, but he also knows a thing or two about Randy Savage. In fact, he appears to be the preeminent Macho Man historian on the WWE payroll.
Welcome to Feeling the Madness 101!
Finally, Macho Man has a plan for the economy- Ok, not the real Randy Savage, but rather a Savage impersonator, and he has a plan to fix the economy he says is better than Barack Obama's. Seriously. J.R. Moore's plan is for every resident of St. Louis, Missouri to play the state's Pick 4 lottery game, using their home addresses. According to his statistical research, every resident stands a 1 in 10,000 chance of winning. If a few people won a week, that would be several thousand extra dollars in the local economy, which would stimulate things just fine. Not to mention a little over a quater of the revenue from lottery tickets goes to fund Missouri schools, which solves another problem!
"I've also got this Nigerian relative looking to unload a few million..."
There you have it! Wasn't that fun? And much better than any other news you'll hear all day, because it's wrestling related! Consider your life enhanced.
On Wednesdays, we here at LOL, Wresslin' like to really pull out the stops and offer up a double shot of righteously killer content. Why Wednesday? Well, we could impress you with market research, work habit studies, and human psychology tendencies to show you there's a scientific reason the middle of the week is the best time to bring your A-game. However, truth be told, we don't have any of that stuff and settled on Wednesday because that was the only day that didn't have any content scheduled.
So, here you have "Watch Wresslin' Wednesdays." Please feel free to suggest a better title, because we are woefully uncreative when it comes to naming stuff.
Better at naming stuff then us
The idea of W.W.W. is we each send the other a video that is related to wrestling (a match, promo, interview, guest starring spot, etc.). The only restriction is that it cannot be user-created, so your roundtable of "Greatest Jobbers of the 1973" ain't gonna fly here, pal. Neither of us know what kind of video we're going to get that day.
After viewing, we each write a response. This could be anything we choose: a straight commentary, a philosophical enlightenment, or classless ridicule. Just as we don't know what kind of video the other will select, neither do we know what the other will write or how they will write it. What you end up with is a mash-up of styles, which in our book equates to two-blogs-in-one, and we can take the rest of the day off. Matt's video to Adam- Booker T Goldust At the Movies
Adam's response...
Did you know that movie star Dwayne Johnson was once a professional wrestler in the WWE? It's true! Before landing roles in blockbuster films Doom, The Rundown, and fourteen time Oscar winner The Gameplan, Johnson had a small run as The Rock. He won a few titles, but really never had a connection with the audience and segued into film. Still, he landed his first lead role while still working in the WWE, so well known WWE film buff Goldust and rival to the Rock, Booker T, took it upon themselves to review his film, The Scorpion King.
These are the same person?
We are live (to tape) for the premier (and only) edition of Goldust and Booker T At the Movies! Goldust, being the film buff welcomes us with a grand introduction and Booker T, being black, welcomes us with a "What up, dog?" Goldust then sets up the film, asking us to "note the Fellinesq way in which our protagonist must engage in his goal, in his quest for salvation."
I happen to know a thing or two about film, so I'm just going to say it; Goldust, that's bullshit. You clearly don't know what you're talking about and just want to throw the wool over the common fan's eyes. Frederico Fellini was, if anything, a non-conventional filmmaker. His films involved his protagonists making choices that frequently would deny any hopes of salvation and not even having a goal in mind at the start, just reacting to things that happen. He is a primary influence of filmmakers like Stanley Kubrick and David Lynch, visionary directors who's work could be characterized as "weird" by the masses. So it is highly doubtful, especially after viewing the clip, that anything in The Scorpion King would be Fellinesq.
I don't entirely trust these two are film critics. Both have beef with the Rock, so any review will have a natural bias to it. And then, they run alternate takes, staring themselves! How can there credentials be taken seriously? I tune into WWE Monday Night Raw for hard hits and even harder hitting film analysis. And all I get is these two spouting off catch phrases and gay jokes! Does it sound delicious? You damn right it sound delicious! But it does not excuse their terrible film reviews. Due to factual inaccuracies, clear bias, and clip manipulation, I must form a protest that Goldust and Booker T At the Movies be stripped of their credentails in the National Team of Movie and Film Reviews and Critics Assocation of the Universe, Forever!
Adam's video to Matt - Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka Dances to Rap
Matt's response...
****This video has been removed due to excessive use of sunglasses****
Seriously, are those "studio" lights too much for your eyes? I can forgive Jimmy Snuka; he's earned the right to wear whatever he wants, and he liberally takes advantage of that. But this other dude? Well, those shades better be because his shirt is so bright, because his future sure isn't.
What caused this? There's not much to go by in the video, except for the cryptic "NWA Shockwave Pro Wrestling" at the beginning. So using the finest research tools at my disposal, I decided to familiarize myself with this promotion, which obviously has its finger on the pulse of your average wrestling fan.
Here's some of the "roster" of performers(?)...
Seriously, this guy changes my oil...
The poor man's Miz, and you gotta be "Somalia poor" for that to apply.
No...just no.
Ok, that dude's still in high school...
You know how to make people forget you're fat? Paint your face like it's Dia de los Muertos.
One shining light is this next guy. It's been said before on this site that there's nothing better than a good pun, and this one comes close to taking the cake. Allow me to proudly introduce...
Let's forgive him for misspelling "Tennessee." Seriously, this dude is awesome. He's worth the price of admission, which can't be more than a can of Dinty Moore beef stew.
And what about our illustrious interviewer. Well, he's a former booker for Shockwave by the name of Derek Gordon. Why former? Because of bullcrap like this...
No, you asshat, I can't.
He also directed a commercial for Roddy Piper's book "In the Pit..." Let's have a look at how that turned out.
Note that it says "unseen." Good. The only reason this "commercial" is any good is Piper. I'm not saying I could do a better job than Mr. Gordon, but anyone else could have.
As for the interview, well, it's hard to even call it that. Actually, this is a small part of larger interview, some of which I found and watched. Believe me, it's not worth it. This isn't even worth it, but it's what I got. This is a clear case of an interviewer not having a damn thing in his bag. Gordon found this song by Brand Nubian which mentions "Superfly." And by mention, that's the extent of it: Snuka rhymes with "hooka" and that's the only reason it's in the song.
But Gordon soldiers on, thinking it makes good entertainment to continually ask Snuka if he knows what it means to "hook a hooker." I don't even know what that means. "Superfly" seems to share the audience's collective confusement, but being the entertainer he is, he rolls with it. Even to the point where he's dancing with two girls (who were also kept in waiting just for this segment of the interview. Let it never be said that Derek Gordon doesn't plan ahead), neither of which are particularly attractive and could possibly both be actual hookers.
Oh, and a dog.
So Snuka actually cuts the rug with three bitches. Actually, the dog may have been of Snuka's doing, because at the beginning of the video, he says, "You turn me, the jungle is coming to your hometown." It's a pleasing thought that when Jimmy starts to dance, animals materialize and get in on the fun.
The Oscars were this past Sunday and our favorite movie of the year, The Wrestler, was nominated in the Best Actor and Best Supporting Actress categories. The film went 0 for 2. Although Marisa Tomei losing wasn't much of a surprise, Mickey Rourke not taking home the little gold man for his portrayal of Randy the Ram was surprising. Rourke was the heavy favorite, as the comeback story of his character really mirrored the comeback of his personal life. Of course, Hollywood doesn't always play fair.
No, perhaps Rourke was too much of a "rebel" for the Academy to take him seriously. After all, it's heavily rumored he'll be involved with Wrestlemania this year, and his past doesn't necessarily make him the most trustworthy fellow when given a live mic. Here's his acceptance speech from the Independent Spirit Awards, held one night before the Oscars [NSFW language (although Eric Roberts is in the clip, so you gotta balance your priorities.)]
Still, we don't think that one day before an award ceremony really sways the vote. If that were the case then the death of his beloved dog a few days ago would probably have swung a few votes his way, but things don't work that way in the movies...
...unlike some other deaths in some other elections we might know.
Still, the Oscars are a fun time! Win or lose! No one knows a good time better then the superstars of the WWE! They came out for a big Oscar party, the Haven Young Hollywood Oscar Party (co-sponsored by the WWE), to help support The Wrestler and have an all around great time! And it also doesn't hurt to hob knob with a few A-List stars. Take a look:
Kofi Kingston
Kelly Kelly
Try and hold back the excitement, boys.
Nice shirt choice, shit dick.
Nice dress choice, pretty lady.
They made wishes come true too!
Maryse and Make-a-Wish kid, Chow Chow.
Priceless suspect that this may actually be a middle aged man and not a sick kid.
Also on the red carpet were some non-wrestling celebrities as well!
Reality TV stars The Miz and Corrine Kaplan of Survivor.
Reality TV stars the Gastineau Girls
Who?
Ok, so maybe it's really like...E! Network celebrities...
Still, the party was bumpin' all night! Look at how crammed the inside was!
Kofi was scratching some non-existent vinyl!
And super star singer/actor/all around entertainer Aaron Carter snuck in and got cozy with the Divas:
Cha-ching! Look at his hand placement!
And hey, the party was so much fun that Priceless finally started to loosen up.
Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.
For a theme song to accompany this post, please press play and enjoy...
Due to real-world time constraints and just poor planning on my part, this will be what we call in the biz a "lightning recap." If you don't know what that means, then you're not very familiar with the contextual use of the word "lightning" in game shows since the beginning of time. Basically, I'm going to hit all the main points, and toss out the rest with the baby and the bathwater. Never wanted that baby anyway...
The show starts off with confirming that yes, Edge is the new World Heavyweight Champion. While explaining how this was so, he likened the audience to "failure turtles" and himself to Jesus, who turned water into wine, just like he turned the WWE Championship into the World Heavyweight Championship.
"Plus we both have really bitchin' hair!"
Disregarding that he didn't actually make the titles transform, Edge jumps around and pretty much acts like an idiot for a while. Vickie is there to explain that after Stephanie McMahon left for the hospital with Shane during No Way Out, she was left as the highest ranking WWE official at the show, and made the call to let Edge stay. Surely there was a better way to handle that at the time.
Mr. Cena came out and got a cheap pop by saying he wanted a rematch. Edge was like, "nah," but Cena was like, "yeah" and it seems Cena is now going to have to hunt Edge down and get at the title. Weeeee.
Later on, Jericho came out and continued to insult Mickey Rourke. That's an easy target. He said the Academy should not give Rourke the Oscar for Best Actor, because that would only validate the opinions of all these old timers that want to still have a go in the ring. It seems that Jericho has a little sway in Hollywood.
Pictured: NOT Mickey Rourke
So the week before, it was Flair who came down to defend the old guard. Who will it be this time? Cue the drums and bagpipe!!
"Rowdy" Roddy Piper! This is where my fanboy shows through. I love everything about Piper, and he could show up, stand at the top of the ramp, and just turn around and leave, and I would still think it was the greatest segment on Raw that night. Instead of trying to explain it to you, just watch it and get rowdy.
Thanks, StoneCold316xXx!
Kane beat Jamie Noble in ten seconds. What an awesome job. (note the double entendre!)
JBL came out and apparently there's not going to be any funny business after Michaels beat him. JBL said that he paid HBK and is still ready to do something at WrestleMania. And that would be end Undertaker's winning streak. Well, guess who has a problem with that.
Yep, Shawn thinks HE should be the one to make history at WrestleMania. These wrestlers...so selfish. Anyway, they're going to have a match next week (tonight!) to find out who will face Undertaker at the big show. I guess 'Taker doesn't have any say in this matter.
There was a Women's Title match. Kelly Kelly wasn't in it. Who cares?
Not me!
Finally, Shane decided to push his luck again and have an unsanctioned match against one of the best athletes in the company, Randy "Kong Dong" Orton. See if you guess how this one turned out before the LOL appears...
3...
2...
1...
now make a wish...
x xx xxx xxxx xxxxx xxxx xxx xx x xx xxx xxxx xxxxx
Got a guess?
No peeking!
Ok, here you go...
Now pass this on to 20 friends, and watch Raw tonight, 9/8c on USA or you'll have bad luck in love for five years!
Adam, a native of the Garden State, and Matt, a proud Texan, crossed paths at university. They discovered they're both really into very silly things. Contact them at lolwresslin@gmail.com
Gentlemen, set your boners on cum.
We're still working on perfecting this....
That's where the proof is.
Not pictured: Jeff Hardy (because I inadvertently cropped him out.)
