OH BABY, I like it Raw! American Bashed!

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

For a theme song to accompany this post, please press play and enjoy...




"The Bash" was last night, so we'll be getting to that momentarily. But first, we should cover one thing that happened on Raw last week. We have a new owner!

No, this isn't a repeat from the week before. Raw has it's second new owner in as many weeks, and really, this one isn't new at all.



Yeah, Mr. McMahon got tired of being in asinine bits, like having his limo break down and his office moved into the men's restroom (the restroom?? That's no place to conduct business! Har har har har har!!) So Vince decided to buy back Raw from Donald Trump.

Look, I know it's hack to make fun of Trump's hair, but seriously dude??

McMahon's first order of business was to make Orton versus Triple H at "The Bash" in a Three Stages of Hell competition. So, you're not going to get one overdone match, you're going to get three. Yay.

Stock up.

So, moving on to "The Bash"...

Still no.

Raw has, effectively, two matches on the card - Cena vs. Miz and Orton vs. HHH. Folks, can you tell me how many of these matches we should be excited for?


Let's start with John Cena versus that heel-of-all-heels, The Miz. Oh man, do I want to see that clean-cut and friendly Mr. Cena beat up The Miz. He's just so cocky. He needs a good butt kicking to show him the error of his ways.


Wait, who am I rooting for again?

Oh right, LOL, Wresslin' fav Mr. John Cena!

Shoot yourself if you get this.

It actually wasn't all Cena during this match. The Miz got in a little offense himself.

Apparently WWE.com writers are now getting their ideas from signs in the crowd.

But it ended just like we knew it would.


So that happened.

We also had the Three Stages of Hell match, but Orton may be in a little trouble here. It seems Teddy and Cody didn't win their tag match earlier in the night and were a little bummed out about that. These men are top notch competitors, so that's reasonable.

However, Orton wasn't having any of that. He want clear heads, since their job was to ensure that he won the WWE Championship later that night. Poor Teddy got hims feelings hurt, and stormed off. It seems he doesn't like to be a lackey for Orton. Uhh, sorry bud, but that's what you are. That's what happens when you're the unestablished member of a stable. Get used to it.

Despite the uncertainty, the match must go on. The first match doesn't take too long.

I thought "Cerebral Assassin" meant more than just hitting someone in the head with a chair.

Trips gives up one fall so he can smash Orton with a chair a few times. Doesn't really seem fair, but whatever. I don't make the rules. Seeing as the second match was Falls Count Anywhere, HHH took Orton to the outside, hit a pedigree and quickly evened up the score.

Finally, a STRETCHER MATCH! This is where you have to put your opponent on a stretcher and push them to a certain point outside of the ring. It's also, by the way, how you spell "big drama."






However, the tables would be turned again, and Orton, with a little help from both Legacy members, would retain the title.

But...

He's...right...behind...YOU...

Yeah, Hunter would get the last word, in the form of a sledgehammer to the skull of Randy. Some things just never change.

Will Orton now have to forfeit the title? What changes does Vince have in store for Raw? Will there be commercials?? Find out at 9/8c on USA!

The Granddaddy of them all! The Legacy Killer

Wrestlemania was last night, so rather then have one "Oh Baby I like it RAW!" updating the entire night we're going to periodically update the blog today, highlighting each match with its own post. We will follow the order of the show.

Randy Orton vs HHH for the WWE Championship

For a theme song to accompany this post, please press play and enjoy...



It's not secret that Mr. Orton is rather popular around the LOL, Wresslin' office. And even for non-hog related reasons. Orton's character as of late has been one of the single most compelling characters the WWE has ever produced. The medical condition reason for his violence, although a little hokey, made him the WWE's own version of the Incredible Hulk; a monster who is a victim of his own emotion. Thus, the build up has been predominately interesting, especially with the on screen acknowledgment that Stephanie McMahon is HHH's wife. Although weird to see McMahons as faces, this match was certainly one of the more anticipated at this year's Mania.

Unfortunately, it was all kind of underwhelming.

Let's start with the good. Cool entrances, for sure.

Hot and angry

Cool and calm

The bad is pretty much everything else. We aren't running a lot of pictures here, because honestly, nothing was that interesting.


There was a ref bump which lead to Orton hitting and RKO and not getting the pin.

"I'll count the three myself! Good show, Randal!"

And then of course, the obligatory sledgehammer, except in a stunning twist, Randy Orton got it!



But relax, all is fine because HHH got it back.

No matter the angle it's still a spectacle

Seems kinda of academic for a Wrestlemania main event, right? And HHH won, despite not really having the upper hand at all during the feud. And no McMahons or Legacy got involved? We don't fantasy book here, but things could have gone smoother.

But hey, at least a face got his big win to end Mania and now Raw has a champion again. What would we do without the face celebrating with fireworks.

Just like that.

Anyway, let's see where Raw takes us. Tune in tonight, 9/8c to the USA network!