W.W.W. featuring Booker T in church and the Not-Ready-for-Primetime Wrestlers

On Wednesdays, we here at LOL, Wresslin' like to really pull out the stops and offer up a double shot of righteously killer content. Why Wednesday? Well, we could impress you with market research, work habit studies, and human psychology tendencies to show you there's a scientific reason the middle of the week is the best time to bring your A-game. However, truth be told, we don't have any of that stuff and settled on Wednesday because that was the only day that didn't have any content scheduled.

So, here you have "Watch Wresslin' Wednesdays," the ORIGINAL wrestling-themed, YouTube video comedic co-commentary. Please feel free to suggest a better title, because we are woefully uncreative when it comes to naming stuff.

Better at naming stuff than us.

The idea of W.W.W. is we each send the other a video that is related to wrestling (a match, promo, interview, guest starring spot, etc.). The only restriction is that it cannot be user-created, so playing Triple H's theme song on the mandolin ain't going to fly here, pal. Neither of us know what kind of video we're going to get that day.

After viewing, we each write a response. This could be anything we choose: a straight commentary, a philosophical enlightenment, or classless ridicule. Just as we don't know what kind of video the other will select, neither do we know what the other will write or how they will write it. What you end up with is a mash-up of styles, which in our book equates to two-blogs-in-one, and we can take the rest of the day off.

Matt's video to Adam- Booker T plaing bingo at church and Austin returns



Adam's response...

Wrestlers in a bingo hall? What is this? ECW?!?! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOOLOLOLOZ!!!!shiftone!


Rimshot by JustJoking.com

N 31- Stands for "No one under the age of 31 even knows what BINGO is anymore."

B 12- A steroid, which given Booker T's eventual failure of the WWE Wellness Policy cannot be a coincidence.

G 54- John Cena; Chain Gang #54, and also a straight G.

I know my half is lame. I have a midterm today and then have to travel. Please cut me some slack.

B 6- Stands for "Bad 6.", which is a synonym for "SilentRock 06." Why people think they can just put their name on copy written material is beyond me.

A as in Austin 3:16- well that's not even a BINGO number. A Scrabble tile must have gotten mixed into the mixer.

N 33- Pretty much sums up everything about Booker T at this time.

And the old lady wins! If only Booker hadn't switched his card he would have won the game!


Rimshot by JustJoking.com


Adam's video to Matt - Brian Kendrick and Cody Rhodes discuss the Royal Rumble

Raw 1 21 08 Cody & Kendrick Discuss the Rumble
Uploaded by TH3_GH0ST. -

Matt's reponse...

CHRIS JERICHO RETURNS???!!!! WHAT????!!!






Alright, alright. As much as I would love to punch out there, I should say at least something about what just occured on screen, which is more than I can say for them.

Have you ever been watching Raw and then a 9th-grade One Act Play practice broke out? Well, if you were watching Raw on January 21st last year, you could say "Yes" to that. I know, I know. It's easy to make fun of Cody Rhodes' acting ability. So much so that he's been dubbed "Community theater Cody" around the mark sites. I'm not going to do that. In fact, I'll say that he's the most convincing of the three on screen, if you exclude the WWE logo at the botom.

Better at acting than Cody Rhodes

This segment screams "Welcome to the WWE, newborn child! Here's how things work around here." I think the script was written by Wikipedia. Like I said, let's forget about Cody, because...well, because I kick him in the nuts enough here. Brian Kendrick, however, looks like he's auditioning to be the ringmaster for a one-time performance of the Barnum and Bailey's Circus at the Special Olympics.

"And now, a donkey dressed as an elephant, because you'll never know the difference!"

If there were a LOLie for "Overacting Where's It's Completely Unnecessary," it would go to The Brian Kendrick. As a matter of fact, why shouldn't there be? We completely made those up. So as of today, I am awarding Brian Kendrick a LOLie. Congratulations!! (I'll expect Adam's pick by the end of business today or he's kicked out of the blog.)

However, the real champion here is Bob Holly, making it the first time he's ever been the real champion of anything. Bob's role is the clueless old warrior, who doesn't care about these kids' Facespace or whatever and just wants to kick some ass, even if it's the ass of a friend. Holly is too stupid to know that, these days, acting "behind the times" is stupid.

Even that joke is five years too late.

Bob Holly also says, "Nobody's going to stop me from winning that Rumble." Well, my friend, you were the sixth person to be eliminated, and Umaga was the one to do it, so technically you are correct. A nobody stopped you from winning the Rumble.

Oh, and again Dailymotion.com, why credit TH3_GHOST for uploading this video?? You're crediting someone for creating a link on the internet?? We do that five times a week here, and you don't see us patting ourselves on the back about it.

The final frontier

The renowned physicist Stephen Hawking theorized that the Universe is ever expanding; this also is true for the WWE Universe! In a recent interview with the LA Times (nice photo, by the way), WWE CEO Vince McMahon dropped this small bombshell:

"We have a lot of clout."

Now, what exactly does that mean? Well it seems that there are plans for WWE to start their own cable network!

Wait a second...

True, they already have the on demand network that nobody gets, but this will be different. This will be an actual network with original programming and scheduling and ad revenue and everything! Now, we can hear you guys hyperventilating from here. Please just relax and let us relax. Raw and ECW will still be on their respective channels, so you won't have to miss those when the network launches. However, we were able to seduce Linda McMahon work some sources last night, and we got out hands on an internal WWE memo for the first year of programming. Take a look:

Raw Postgame Show: Joey Styles hosts a live post game show that interviews many of the WWE stars after every Monday's Raw! They'll also have live footage of any post-show antics that may go on and take live calls from the WWE Universe.

Florida Championship Wrestling: Every Saturday will have an hour of developmental wrestlers working to become future WWE stars!

Tough Enough: Returning after a hiatus, Tough Enough will be the WWE reality show that shows how hard being a developmental wrestler is. You better be good enough to be in the top 8 if you want that trip to Cancun, rooks!

There were hotter pics we could use, but we respect her as a wrestler...

Real World/Road Rules Challenge reruns: If G4 can pimp Man Show reruns as a big syndication deal, then WWE can show us footage of The Miz when he was more annoying and immature then he is today. Let that one sink in for a moment.

Uncle Ric Flair's Story-time: Take a seat by the fire and listen to the Nature Boy regale you with tales from the road. Marvel at his "jeweled cape" and legendary stories of decadence and fiscal irresponsibility.

Cookin' with Good Ole' JR: Learn how to make down home BBQ and fried chicken with the voice of Smackdown! (guest appearances by Shelton Benjamin and Cryme Tyme)

Get Fit with the Divas: This is a show that exists so men can masturbate to it.

WWE Movie Night: Watch See No Evil, The Condemned, The Marine, and other WWE films intercut with commentaries from the stars themselves! Also watch never before seen films that just didn't make the cut, like WWE's remake of Bill and Ted.

No joke, but we had this idea YEARS ago. We also wrote it down here. We're just sayin'!

WWE Hall of Fame Ceremony: Live and in it's entirety! Finally, the show we all want and probably the reason we'll all subscribe to this network.

Also expect monthly themes to tie into whatever is going on in the WWE Universe at the time. So numerous Wrestlemania retrospectives, Summerslam retrospectives, Royal Rumble retrospectives, and blooper shows will air through out the year!

Although there is no definite date set for this network to launch, start the letter campaigns now. Write your cable/satellite providers and Congressmen and demand your WWE cable channel! Because would you really watch channel 183 otherwise?

OH BABY, I like it Raw! Shaq Attaq

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

For a theme song to accompany this post, please press play and enjoy...



So, the night after Night of Champions. What did it have in store for us? What wonders would we be wondered by?

First order of business is the celebrity guest host, which this week (last week!) is Shaq. Shaquille O'Neal, for those of you who aren't in the know. Shaq already started shaking the foundations of Raw when he came up with five "Beat the Clock" challenges, with the winner challenging Randy Orton at SummerSlam. Wow, he really knows how to give the fans something special! This is all wrestling so far!

Oh, also he has a TV show coming.

Jericho, because he's a heel, was upset that Shaq didn't come talk to him before he came out. For whatever reason, that offended him, and he got his teammate Big Show to go tell Shaq just how much.

So much meat.

Naturally, Shaq did what every celebrity guest does - get bullied into a match. The big guy is going to be special enforcer in a match between the tag team of Jericho and Show and.....Cryme Tyme? Seriously?

As we move along, Mark Henry beat Carlito, setting the first time to beat at 6:49. Well, that's getting broken.

Then it's time for six Diva action! Mickie came to flaunt her new title, and brought a couple of friends along for the ride. The good girls won, but really, didn't we all?


Our next "Beat the Clock" match featured MVP. And who would his opponent be?


CHRIS MASTERS??

That's right, though he'd be lucky if half the people watching today remember him. Masters foiled MVP's chances at winning the challenge by causing a double count-out when he used his "modified" full nelson outside the ring.


U.S. Champion Kofi Kingston easily defeated The (Now Unemployed) Brian Kendrick.


Triple H is the next contestant on "The Time is Right," going up against Cody Rhodes. Of course, this match wouldn't involve a member of Legacy if another member didn't butt their way in. Teddy D interfered, causing the time to run out. Mark Henry is still on top the mountain!


I'm not going to bother with Hornswoggle and Chavo this week. Chavo was in a blindfold. So should have been the audience.

Our next match on the clock would be Jack Swagger against Evan Bourne (just so you know, Jack Swagger is the one trying to beat the clock). This could be difficult, but I think he can get it done in less than-

WHAAATTT?

That's right, Swagger didn't even win. What's wrong with these people? Don't they know their each supposed to win progressively faster, ramping up the drama until the final competitor of the night??


Alright Mr. Cena, last chance. He's facing the Miz. For the second time tonight, I say, "Seriously?" Provided you didn't know exactly what was going to happen, Miz quickly tapped out to the STF, giving Cena the win faster than Mark Henry. Of course, that prompted this.

"I'm here to taunt you with this championship gold."

Finally, it's our main event, featuring our guest host of the night. As special enforcer, Shaq would do nothing during the match to help his friends in Cryme Tyme, making me wonder just what the point of a special enforcer is anyway. However, once the boyz won via DQ, Shaq sprang into action, and pushed Big Show.

What you've all been waiting for.

Jeremy Piven is your guest host this week. If you don't know who he is, just know he's got a movie coming out soon. Tune in at 9/8c on USA to find out more about it!

The way to be unemployed

It's sad to see one of your favorite performers let go. The WWE has cleaned house in recent months, even just now releasing a Laugh Twin favorite, The Brian Kendrick (well, one Laugh Twin favorite). So often, they disappear and are never heard from again, or they join TNA, which...same difference.

This has not been the case with dual Laugh Twin fav Ken Anderson, aka Mr. Kennedy. The bond of the Twins was strengthened with their shared love for the loud-talking, blonde haired dynamo that hails from Green Bay, Wisconsin. So we were genuinely sad to hear that he was released from his WWE contract, following a return from a lengthy injury, only to be injured again. Despite looking like this generation's Kevin Nash, we still were upset that he wouldn't be gracing a WWE ring again.

But he hasn't been silent. Saddled with a 90-day no-compete clause in his contract, Mr. Anderson has to sit at home and not participate in any professional wrestling activity until it runs out. Whereas others would simply shut themselves off for a while and relax out of the spotlight.

Ken Anderson decided to document his time off work with an on-going YouTube series, dubbed by the mark sites as "90 Days." How these have avoided our radar for so long is a mystery, other than the fact that we're constantly busy doing gentlemanly things with the gentleladies in our immediate proximity.

The Laugh Twins

These videos are a minute or two in length, and cover a variety of topics. At this point, there are seven of them, and for this post, we're picking a few that particularly tickled our fancy. Do yourself a favor and watch them all at your leisure.

"Episode III" chronicles Ken's time hanging around the house, and what's noteworthy is that it's not all that different from what we do around the LOL Cave (he's even playing Punch-Out on the Wii!) We imagine that if we had to spend three months off work, our life would exist pretty much exactly like this, and we'd 100-percent just about every video game we could get our hands on. The scene is completed by a couple of crumpled cans of Mountain Dew and Red Bull on the table, along with junk food and some sort of liquor. We're almost certain this was shot in our house.

We're no strangers to Twitter, and apparently neither is Big Ken. "Episode IV" is your standard Twitter-based humor, pointing out that people typically lead more interesting lives online than they do in real life. Of course, Mr. Anderson's mundane day is still miles cooler than ours, so he could just tweet about that and we'd be impressed. Who doesn't want to know about his bathroom conquests?

And "Episode VII" is the longest of the bunch, but that's not why we're picking it. Ken pokes a little fun at himself in this one, addressing his run-in with the WWE Health and Wellness policy. Also, those pants are pretty kickin'.

And we haven't had a shot of his junk on the site yet.

So we definitely suggest following this one! Maybe Kendrick will give us a window into his efficiency he shares with Billy Kidman!

W.W.W. featuring Jumpin' Jeff Farmer and The Brian Kendrick vs Scotty Goldman

On Wednesdays, we here at LOL, Wresslin' like to really pull out the stops and offer up a double shot of righteously killer content. Why Wednesday? Well, we could impress you with market research, work habit studies, and human psychology tendencies to show you there's a scientific reason the middle of the week is the best time to bring your A-game. However, truth be told, we don't have any of that stuff and settled on Wednesday because that was the only day that didn't have any content scheduled.

So, here you have "Watch Wresslin' Wednesdays." Please feel free to suggest a better title, because we are woefully uncreative when it comes to naming stuff.

Better at naming stuff than us

The idea of W.W.W. is we each send the other a video that is related to wrestling (a match, promo, interview, guest starring spot, etc.). The only restriction is that it cannot be user-created, so your Chris Jericho/The Miz/Twitter slash fiction reading ain't gonna fly here, pal. Neither of us know what kind of video we're going to get that day.

After viewing, we each write a response. This could be anything we choose: a straight commentary, a philosophical enlightenment, or classless ridicule. Just as we don't know what kind of video the other will select, neither do we know what the other will write or how they will write it. What you end up with is a mash-up of styles, which in our book equates to two-blogs-in-one, and we can take the rest of the day off.

Matt's Video to Adam- Jumpin' Jeff Famer Promo Collection: Vol 4



Adam's response...


Hmm, I suppose the new fad here is "Awful promos by rednecks that clock in at under one minute."

Regardless, this is part of a Youtube series about some former wrestler named "Jumpin'" Jeff Farmer. They are meant to show off some of his more memorable promos, and are in fact, video responses to Best Wrestling Promo Ever. Of course, the irony of the situation is that it was not, in fact, the best wrestling promo ever. It's actually fairly awful. So the Farmer series may be a continuation of this gag. But you know what, HoneyDewWilkens? Eat a dick. Eat a bag of dicks.

Is it a good promo? Lord no, but I've heard a lot worse (namely from a certain large hogged world champion who talks.....like......this.....for.....every.....word.....he....says.....in.....his.....long.....drawn......out....
redundant....promos....) But Jeff Farmer comes across like a real good dude. Someone who'd be fun to hang out with. Maybe talk a little wrasslin' with. Maybe, just maybe, his goal is not to be the meanest, baddest man ever. Maybe he's just an athletic guy who can provide for his family by wrestling. Maybe he's not an emotionally arrested individual who just needs to hit other men because his daddy touched his butthole. It's weird. I like Jeff Farmer.

Now granted, I had no clue who he was and there's really no information on him. I was able to find some info on a wrestler named Jeff Farmer who wrestled as nWo Sting in the mid 90's and is still active on the indy scene, but I don't think they are the same man. This tape looks like it's from the 70's. At the very least, it's a territory, and the territories for the most part were dead by 1992 when fake Sting started his career. As for the territory, it says it's IPW, but that's such a bland acronym that narrowing down the Miz's douchiest moment would be easier.

It's too hard to rank!

So Jeff Famer, you live on as a Youtube sensation. Congratulations! And don't let people who criticize a few stumbles and misunderstanding of words get you down. They're all posers.

You know (tm) what? That's stupid advice. Because Jeff Farmer has never been a cry baby, and he never will be.

Adam's video to Matt - The Brian Kendrick versus Scotty Goldman



Matt's response...

Enjoy the mid-card, Kendrick!

Now, I know that he probably didn't pick that gimmick, and I also know that Adam has a hard-on for it, but "The" Brian Kendrick just isn't over for me. Maybe it's the fact that he never has anyone decent to feud against (see: Scotty Goldman), but likely it's just that I don't like Brian Kendrick, "the" or otherwise. He's a great technical wrestler, but just doesn't do it for me with his personality.

Congratulations, Brian Kendrick!

And Scotty Goldman. You're good too, my friend. Very nice in the ring. The two of you had a quaint little match. But you will never make me laugh. Sorry. Try as hard as you want, but I will never find anything you do funny.

Tazz summed you up rather well: wacky. That's what you are. Wacky. And wacky doesn't do anything for me. "Ohhhh! You can break the fourth wall! You're aware of the conventions of Smackdown television presentation." "Tee hee, you use your butt as offense." "Your singlet has funny things written on it."

Ha. Ha. Ha.

Also wacky

How about Ezekiel? What can I say about him? Good luck with your future endeavors.

Same to you, Scotty.

OH BABY, I like it RAW! WWE's Lakers: Straight up Ballin'!

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

For a theme song to accompany this post, please press play and enjoy...



Hi gang. You may have noticed a little something different in that intro. Matt has a fever, so he graciously asked me to slam his favorite TV show for him today. Who knows how this will go? My guess? Poorly. I mean, look at how much punctuation is in the title alone!

Anyway, as we have been reporting for the last few weeks, last Monday's Raw was the culmination of the "Denver Debacle." I'm not going to recount it. Still, in the interest of padding out this post, here's a LOL of Vince and Denver Nuggets owner, E. Stan Kroenke.

"Your first name rhymes with two things that can describe Matt Striker!"

Kelly Kelly had a Divas title match for some reason. And actually won the match! But by disqualification, which means she doesn't get the title (boo!). You see, what had happened was Maryse threw K Squared into the announce table (it miraculously didn't break) and Double K got counted out. For some reason, that got Maryse DQ'd.

Above: Two cases of history as a table does not break and a DQ finish makes no sense

Ric Flair decided to hang out with the memories a while longer and got his nose rubbed in that doody by Randy Orton.

"Stop it! When will you learn to leave the memories alone?! When?!"

There was supposedly a very good match on the show too. Kofi Kingston defeated William Regal and Matt Hardy in a triple threat match (so much more threat!) to become the #1 contender for the United States Championship. I think that put him at 26th in the official WWE rankings. Anyway, Regal was slow, Matt had a cast, Kofi jumped a lot. You get the gist.

It's the dance senstaion that's sweepin' the nation

Winning the US title is kind of like this

Ah, time now for some genius booking from the #1 brand. In case you didn't know, there's been this Santina Marella character running around lately. She's not much of a looker, but she can sure wrestle with the Divas well. She won the Miss Wrestlemania battle royal, despite never being shown on television before then. Still, she lost her crown last week to Raw GM Vickie Guerrero, and she wants it back. Santina is also the twin sister of two time Intercontinental champion, Santino Marella. So the logical next step is to put Santino (and a lady partner) in a mixed tag against Vickie's nephew Chavo and Santino's ex girlfriend.

And of course, there's a stipulation attached. Winner of the match gets to choose the stipulation for the Santina/Vickie rematch at the next PPV. Because evil heels in positions of authority always give their opponents opportunities to make their lives easier.

Anyway, Santino copped a few feels on Mickie James and won the match. He decided to choose for his sister the stipulation (because that also makes sense).


It'll be a Hog Pen match, last seen when HHH fought Henry Godwin.


One of the few things I miss from Smackdown that's now on Raw is The Brian Kendrick. Seriously. I love the guys work, love his gimmick, think he's great on the mic. It makes me sad to see him on Raw where he's completely lost in the shuffle. So it seems the logical step is for him to find a tag partner and challenge for the Unified Tag Belts (which are barely more useful then the European championship). But first he needs to get past these challenges:

Talk about a rock and a hard place!

Luckily for TBK, he found a suitable partner! Functional retard Festus! And he appealed to the LA fans by wearing a Clippers jersey.

More history, as this is the first case of someone willingly wearing a Clippers jersey.

So yea, basically, this happened:

"Hey Dustin, that pin isn't gay enough"

Really? Really? Goldust wins? How come every time I watch Raw Goldust wins? He never wins! My life is the worst.

Anyway, onto the main event. A ten man tag where everyone wears uniforms and came out to a basketball type intro. Here are the bad guy Nuggets.

(l-r): Boring, fatso, underrated, overrated, the worst

And the good guy Lakers.

Aww, The Animal thinks he's people.

Now, I know there's an unfamiliar face in there. I'll get to that in a second. But before I do, seriously. If this were a basketball game, which team would you want? The one with the fast lean guys and the 7 footer in the middle, or the one with two guys too jacked to move, an injury prone dude, and a 48 year old fat guy (seriously, what's Lawler doing in this match anyway? Any explanation?)

Well, none of that matters, because Mr. Ken Kennedy came back from a long injury. This was his first match back. It was exciting. I mean, how did he get his own Lakers' jersey personalized so quickly without ruining the surprise? I guess it's all for naught, because he didn't last too long. He almost hurt Orton with a bad suplex, and then injured his wrist on an RKO. WWE wishes him the best in all his future endeavors.

...Kennedy....

But hey, let's celebrate good times! The Lakers won the match!

If not the actual game that night, but they ended up winning the series, so I guess it all worked out for Vince in the end. Or did it???

There, that wasn't so bad. I mean, sure there's a PPV this Sunday, but they don't need to promote that! Much better to stroke Vince's ego! Tonight will be different, I'm sure. 9/8c, USA Network!

OH BABY, I like it Raw! Flair game for the Animal

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

For a theme song to accompany this post, please press play and enjoy...



Today's Memorial Day here in America, and as such, most of us are taking time off from what we normally do on a Monday and spend time doing other things. For me, that would mean taking time off from playing Xbox, and instead playing Wii.

Thank goodness the grocery stores are open.

Monday Night Raw, however, isn't taking the night off. Tonight they'll be in L.A. following the much public fight with the Denver Nuggets. We'll be treated to WWE's version of a basketball game, which will include only slightly less physical contact than a typical Nuggets game. But aside from that, let's take a look at what transpired last week to get us caught up.

First, Randy Orton is droning on and on about how he's still the WWE Champion. Of course, he had to come to the ring and show off his belt to everyone.

For God's sake, who put the ring in the middle of a highway?!

Orton's victory lap was short-lived, though, as Ric Flair needed to remind us that he definitely not going to leave the memories alone. Ric came to let us know that Vickie is upset that Randy exploited the rules just like every other heel in the WWE has ever done, and so at Exxxxxxxxtreme Rules, there will be a rematch with Batista in a........

STEEL CAGE!!!!!!!

Death chamber.

Why are we supposed to be impressed by cage matches anymore? Ric says now we don't have to worry about outside interference, but we all know that's not true. I mean, there's a door on the cage. It's not exactly inescapable.

Anyway, as is custom, Legacy ran in to beat up Ric, Batista and John Cena ran into the beat up Legacy, and after all is said and done, there's going to be handicap match with everyone but Ric Flair, but I'm sure he'll turn up somehow.

Next is a Diva Battle Royal for a title shot. I would normally give this short coverage, and I'm still going to, by maybe not quite as short as I would have otherwise. Maryse came to sit at the announce table, where she stayed until there were two people left in the ring - Mickie James and the ever-lovely Kelly Kelly. Maryse felt it was high time she did something about that.


She sprayed something in Mickie's face that made her roll around on the ground long enough for K-squared to come and boot her from the ring. Know what that means??

Watch where you're pointing buddy.

So now Double K is the Number One Contender for the Diva's Title, and I officially care about women's wrestling again.

Santina Marella beat Chavo in a battle of exotic cultures for our amusement. And The Brian Kendrick proved once again how useless he is - he and Goldust lost a tag match, after which The Kendrick said it was Goldie's fault, only to have the wigged one and Hornswoggle kick him out of the ring.


And here we have the Miz again. He almost scored some points with me in dressing up like John Cena and coming out to Cena's old tune "Basic Thuganomics." Then he opened his mouth and I remember that I truly hate this guy. He called out Cena again, Cena was too busy mackin' on fine womens, and Miz declared himself the victor again.

At this point, Jerry Lawler felt the need to intervene on the audience's behalf, explaining to the faux-hawked d-bag that simply calling someone out did not equal having a match. Lawler proceeded to call out Batista, Hulk Hogan, Bruno Sammartino and Steve Austin, and asked if Miz thought he should be declared the winner over all of them.

What is with that shirt, Jerry?

Then things just get stupid, as the Big Show comes out and slaps the camel clutch on Lawler for less of a reason than I just provided.

U.S. Champeen MVP beat Matt Hardy, but seeing how Hardy still has a cast on his arm and MVP won by stomping on it, I can't really call this a convincing win.

"F yo cast!"

Vickie Guerrero is now Miss Wrestlemania, after having a match against Santina. She actually did nothing but make the pin, after both Chavo and William Regal beat up her opponent. Maybe now we can be done with that ridiculous storyline.

Finally, it's the big handicap match. Big Show interfered and got Cena to go after him, proving that no matter what, a face will drop his responsibilities in the ring to beat up someone else if they feel like it. So Batista is left in a 3-on-1 situation. You know that won't last for long though, and it didn't as Ric Flair appeared to distract the trio of highly trained athletes and allowed Batista to spear and pin Randy.


Tonight, Flair is supposed to call out Randy for a fight, so be sure to see man in his prime get beat up by someone triple his age at 9/8c on USA!