Sunday, November 16, 2008

LOL, Wresslin' recommends: Be a Man



This past W.W.W. brought about some fond memories here in the LOL, Wresslin' offices. Namely, Macho Man Randy Savages VLogs to promote his rap album, Be a Man. This album holds a special place in our hearts. Mostly because it's one of the foundations of the Laugh Twins solid, everlasting friendship. Let's jump back into the DeLorian and go back to some more innocent times: December, 2003.


During their time at University, Matt and Adam were members of the campus radio station. Why? We decided very early on that a life of fun and women was not for us. Nope. Much rather hang out with like-minded elitists who think their opinions are better then other people's opinions (thanks for reading, by the way!). Anyway, Matt drew Adam in the Secret Santa, and what gift awaited him? Why, Macho Man Randy Savage's debut LP, Be a Man! That album was played so much between us, that the CD actually began to scratch. And rightfully so, since it's pure gold.

Track 1: "Intro"

Fittingly enough, the introduction introduces the album. We open with a solemn piano melody, as a newscaster informs of the top story.

"In today's news, Macho Man Randy Savage signs a recording contract with Big3
Records, as a rap artist."

The stunned populace reacts to this news.

Yea...he's trying to rap.

He look good for an old man. I'd date him.

I hear Macho is making a rap CD. It's going to be hawt (phonetically
spelled).

Oh yea, I know Macho. Is that dude still alive?

That last line ends on an ominous minor note, emphasizing the severity of this fool's question. Fortunately for him (or maybe unfortunately), Macho has an answer. "I'm back!"

Track 2: "I'm Back"

Yup, Macho tells us he's back in track 1, and then in track 2 he has an entire song about how back he is. He's the wrestling king, now spittin' lyrics. The entire song has a good "rolling" beat to it. It's like, if you were going to be rolling down the streets of Houston, Texas, this would be something you need bumpin your Escalade. People will know that you're tough. And that Macho Man and his crew are with you.

About the crew. Macho Man worked on this album with the Raskills. He gives them all a shout out at the end. The Raskills roster consists of:

Big K
Brian-o
Ted

Note: Before we go on, we gotta comment on that. Ted is not the name of a rapper. We know a Ted. We've lived with a Ted. Ted is not a Raskill. Ted is a man who works in a light bulb filament factory. Ted is a terrible airline. Ted is a common name for child molesters. Ted is not a gangsta.

Romey Rome
OOO Jizzle
and Pinky.

Wow, what a tough crew. He also gives a shout out to the Big3 Records crew. One man stands out: The Master of Disaster, the incredible Bill Edwards. Now, this is not a common nickname you just gives someone. Maybe the "host with the most" could work. But "master of disaster." No, something had to happen. We both have pondered what it was, and we've deduced that the only logical scenario went like this.

Big3 Exec: Ok, next on the agenda, Be a Man. We got a note from the producer that there are few..let's say "creative differences."

Bill Edwards: Ok, what's that?

Big3E: Well, Randy Savage is insisting that the Raskills clean up their act. He wants to make it a good record for the kids. He wants to be a positive influence, unlike Hulk Hogan, whatever that means. But the Raskills are cursing too much for Macho's liking.


(ed note: We've very impressed with how clean this record is. The worst word on it is "sucks." We'd like to think that Macho insisted on this.)

BE: Ok....well, it's not like us to intercede on the creative process. We have Cheap Trick on the label, for Christ sakes! Well, what do you think?

Big3E: It's a rap album. I think it should be a little hard. A few curses in there will increase the cred, maybe get us a feature in XXL or Vibe.

BE: Good point, however. It doesn't sit well with me.... keep it clean. Let's do it Randy's way.

Big3E: But Bill! If we don't do it right then this album will be a disaster!

BE: Then you can just call me "The Master of Disaster, Bill Edwards."

The rest of the tracks are rather standard. Every single one has Savage introing it by saying "OOO yea, Macho Man Randy Savage, in the house/comin' at ya/doin this thang/etc. Like somehow we wouldn't recognize his Tom Waits gargling glass voice. Still, there are three tracks that really stand out.

Track 9: "Be a Man"

The title track is a diss track on Hulk Hogan. In it, Macho tells a deeply personal story of how Hogan not only prank called Macho's father, he also never showed up for a charity wrestling match that he never agreed to show up for. The nerve of him.

Anyway, Macho just calls Hulk a punk about a million times, and then makes light of Hogan's acting career, especially his leading role in the film Mr. Nanny. Macho thinks that the scene where Hulk wore a tutu confirms what he's always thought; that Hulk has those tendencies. Right, because being a pro wrestler is so much more hetero, especially the clothes! He also comes back on a career level, counteracting the lead in Mr. Nanny with Macho's "feature role in Spider-man." You know, the scene where he played a professional wrestler and had the following lines of dialouge:

Bonesaw is reaaaaaaaaaaaddddddyyyyyy!!

I got ya for three minutes! Three minutes of play time!

What?

Hey, get down from there!


Yup, big stretch there Randy.

Track 12: "What's That All About?"

We've just listened to eleven tracks of pure Macho madness. And for all we know, we're in for eleven more. However, this one comes along and just shows you how many sides Macho has: Two. You see, the Macho Man can't spend all his time "slammin' cats" as he points out in this tune. No, he's a sensitive guy as well, and when he comes home, he wants what we all want. He wants someone there waiting for him, to give him what he needs.

Well, when you're a guy like Macho, love don't come easy. We know what you're thinking: why not? To be honest, we can't answer that. We can only say he's human like the rest of us. Sort of disappointing and refreshing all at the same time.

We know we're in for something different, because this track starts with the sound of an old record player. The pop of the needle as it skips over the vinyl of some old memory. Picture Macho on a stroll through a park. His head is a down, save for once or twice when he glances at a passing cloud. He's running through the latest fight he's had with his old lady and can't help but wonder, "What's that all about?"

Macho is not just your normal celebrity. He doesn't want to keep a girl around just because of his money. No, he wants to keep her happy not just financially...

...But physically, mentally, romantically.

The last thing he wants to do is "scream and shout." Things got so bad this time, however, that Macho stashed away a pocket recorder, because he says sometimes it seems it was meant to be, but then you hear a recording of what is obviously a very upset girlfriend screaming "Get away from me!" The pain and anguish gets to him so much that he finally has to drop out and let his singers say what he really feels inside:

First you love me
Then you hate me
Wanna leave me
Pretty lady
Can you tell me
What's that all about?

Now, we may have all found that certain songwriter that can somehow tap into the human soul and tell us how they really feel inside. And maybe that person using all types of metaphor and poetry to get their message across. But Macho has sidestepped all that and got to the heart of the issue. Even though he's ultimately optimistic, knowing that she's always got his back, he can't help but wonder sometimes "what's that all about?"

If that doesn't make you want to cry, this well of emotion goes a little deeper...

Track 14: "Perfect Friend."

This is the last song on the album and a tribute to the dear departed Curt Henning, aka Mr. Perfect. We always imagined Macho in the studio, clowning around with the Raskills, maybe cutting "RU Ready" or "Macho Thang", when all of a sudden a telegram comes in with the badnews. The room quiets and everyone grows solemn, when finally Savage goes "Hey brothers, you think I could have the room for a little bit?" Of course, everyone obliges, and Macho takes out his Mead notebook. He then just pours out his feelings, dedicating each and every line to his lost friend.

You see, Curt Henning wasn't just Mr. Perfect in the ring. He was also Mr. Perfect outside of it. He was a dear friend. The perfect friend. Get it?

This song has a more R&B kind of feel, with Prymary Colorz providing backing vocals. They add a little class. We've also imagined what the music video for this song would be:

Macho Man is dressed in black, sitting in a dark attic alone. He's going through old boxes marked "Memories." He picks up old photos of him and Curt, and looks away wistfully. Then, we close up on his face as he just speaks the vocals to us. When the chorus kicks in, Prymary Colorz come, dressed in white. They sing, the camera cutting to Macho going through old memories. Towards the end of it he's looking through a rainy window. This continues until the second chorus, when we see old footage of Henning, being in the ring, and kicking it with the boys. Then, we fade to black with a graphic saying "RIP, my Perfect Friend."


If you come across a copy, pick it up. It's about as terrible as you imagine, but it brought us so much glee and happiness. Maybe it isn't all that terrible. In fact, if there was no Be a Man, it's very possible there would be no LOL, Wresslin'. And wouldn't that be a shame?

Of course, it sold just under 4,000 copies, so maybe it's just an unmitigated disaster. And Bill Edwards went ahead and lived up to his nickname.

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