You lie, Mr. President

Earlier this week, former WWE exec Linda McMahon, who's running for a Senate seat in Connecticut, attempted to draw away some of the criticism she's getting for leading a company where her husband made a female employee bark like a dog and her son-in-law boinked a corpse. To do this, she pointed to a recent video message President Obama recorded for the troops which will air on the WWE's Tribute to the Troops program this weekend. Mrs. McMahon reasoning is this: the President supports the troops; WWE supports the troops; therefore, the President supports the WWE.

Despite this being a deductive fallacy, we still think Linda has a point about President Obama on board with the WWE's programming. And why not? As McMahon says, the WWE does a lot of good things for the community, for charities like Make a Wish, and for the American troops overseas. However, the President is saying that in no way was that message meant exclusively for WWE's Tribute to the Troops.

Apparently the President simply records generic messages for armed forces and sends them out to all sorts of media outlets on the off-chance that one of them might want to air them. One of those, of course, being NBC, which just so happens to be showing a rasslin' show shot in Iraq in front of a couple thousand servicemen and women this very weekend. An odd coincidence indeed, but like he says, he doesn't mention WWE by name, so there's absolutely no connection there.

Again, Linda McMahon's reasoning is a little faulty, but that doesn't mean she's not right. Now, we're not going so far as to say that President Obama reads our blog (we keep pretty good track of our readership - it's easy when there's only three of you), but he certainly hasn't balked at the idea of using the instant audience professional wrestling provides in the past. We should probably remind you of this gem:




That was during the campaign, and yes, Randy Orton's reign did come to an end, but he also regained the title a couple of times, so we can hardly say you've enacted any real change there. He still terrorizes the WWE at will. We're going to call that one a wash at best.

But it gets worse. Take a look at this video from a Democratic primary debate, where then-Senator Obama practically channels Dwayne "the Rock" Johnson to "lay the smack down" on Hillary Clinton.




You can't tell us that he didn't tune in at least a little bit during the Attitude era. Hell, everyone did, so that's no big deal, sir. You can tell us.

Finally, President Obama even has WWE entrance themes, which has to be proof that he's at least somewhat associated with the WWE. There is, of course, his campaign entrance:




And now they're already working on his second theme, to use when he goes back on the campaign trial for the 2012 election. Since we're buddies with the WWE interns, they sent us a rough cut, though it's anything but rough:



With this preponderance of evidence, it seems to be nothing but the truth to say that the President not only supports the WWE, but is involved in some of the backroom politics. We suggest you come clean about this, Mr. President, because it's the sort of thing that can come back and bite you. Until then, the Laugh Twins will be watching.

You really matter, for really realz.

Major news has come out of Stamford, as WWE CEO Linda McMahon has resigned that position and no longer works for that company. Her husband, Vince McMahon, will take over her duties. The business ramifications of this are at this time uncertain (read: there are none), but her reason for leaving is interesting. Seems she's making a run at the US Senate.

Mrs. McMahon cites her brief tenure as a member of the Connecticut Board of Education as a selling point about her values and priorities for the state. She also emphasizes her financial policies and history, as well some of her campaign finance reforms. But see for yourself.



Now, if we can be serious for a minute (Lance Storm impression!), we need to emphasize again that we are not advocating nor condemning Mrs. McMahon's candidacy. But we do have a few questions that we think any concerned citizen would be curious about.

For instance, what is this successful business that you grew in Connecticut? Surely being the former CEO of a publicly traded company that has created jobs, but we'd like more information. Is it perhaps the wrestling (BAD WORD!) business? The same business that gave us this:







Or what about this moment straight out of the archives of NOW?

Vickie Guerrero vs Santina Marella Hog Pen Match 09
by arash0007

The man squealing along on commentary is running for Mayor of Memphis, by the way.

Of course, WWE's presentation of women's issues are not totally bad. They did hire Vickie Guerrero, an overweight housewife who ended up becoming one of the top characters on a network television program. And she got her position just like anyone else would get a job.

Oh wait, no she didn't. She was hired because her husband (whose previous drug addictions they exploited via books, DVD's, and storylines) died (which they also exploited) on their watch. And he was also best friends with the guy whose career in wrestling caused enough brain damage that he murdered his wife and child, and then killed himself. The same guy WWE then ran a tribute show for. And let's not forget the most recent example of a top star who "has never been to rehab" and could "heal himself" and then got busted with enough painkillers and steroids to possibly net himself some prison time. The same man who conveniently happened to leave the company a week before his arrest. So yes, we can sort of understand why Mrs. McMahon would fail to mention her company.

Except that you have to.

Any muckraker worth his salt is going to dig up this dirt. Still, there is an argument to be made that Mrs. McMahon had little to do with this. She was not involved with creative decisions, they could argue. Well the one thing they can mention is the status of her business. Yea, that stock that steadily declines.

Granted, the stock has gone up since the beginning of the Raw guest host program, but it is still down from about two years ago this time. And it's not just the stock, but PPV buys are in steady decline, as are merchandise sales. So sure, Shaq may pop the rating (money which WWE does not see), but they aren't selling their product effectively.

Does this qualify her to be Senator? We can't say and neither of us live in Connecticut, so it's relatively moot anyways. And to be fair, her policy on campaign finance is intriguing. We also don't feel that being part of the wrestling business is anything to be ashamed of. She also has the benefit of not having any skeletons in the closet (as they are out in the open), so she could very well surprise us and run a successful campaign. She could almost be the billionaire who's a common woman and being victimized by the media. It could work.

Just don't color us shocked when people don't take her seriously while they crap on wrestling some more.

We hope he's aware of the irony of what he's doing

Our long national nightmare is over; W.W. Herenton is stepping down as mayor of Memphis on July 31st. And not a moment too soon. Look at this laundry list of failures the man failed to achieve during his five terms as mayor.

• Failed to ensure sound fiscal management of the City of Memphis ^[11]
• Fraud allegations involving national money for the building of the FedEx Forum ^[12]
• Failed to communicate effectively with the City Council ^[13]
• Failed to address multiple allegations of improprieties regarding Memphis Light Gas and Water ^[13]
• Served as the prime target and catalyst for the City Charter rewrite ^[14]
• Angered citizens to the point of becoming a target of a (failed) citizen recall effort ^[15]
• Proposed raising property taxes by 17% while taxes on his personal home were delinquent.
• Called for a halt to early voting due to alleged "irregularities". The Shelby County Election Commission stated that early voting would continue.^[16],
• Benefited personally from the rezoning of the Greyhound bus terminal property;
• Done little in response to the significant rise in crime under his leadership; he stated that "No mayor in any American City can solve the crime problem."^[17]
• Appointed new leadership of the Memphis Public Library over the objections of the Tennessee Library Association.^[18]
• Failed to address criticism in the way that cases and staffing were being handled by the Memphis Sexual Assault Resource Center, and caused a racially-charged argument in the council meeting where he accused the city councilman of being a racist.

A run off will be held to determine the new mayor of Memphis. And who is a candidate? None other then WWE Hall of Famer and Memphis resident, Jerry "The King" Lawler. Yes a king is running for office. The "Evil King of Memphis" no less. Luckily, the investigative reporters of LOL, Wresslin' were able to get a pre-release copy of King Lawler's first speech. Here are some of the policies he'd wish to enact, should the will of the people of Memphis wish him to:

• Put money into Memphis educational system.
• Open "Andy Kaufman Memorial Theater" in heart of Memphis's legendary performing district.
• Declare November 29th to be "Mayor Motorboat Day", where the mayor of Memphis may place his face into the chest of any female citizen up to four times.
• Replace alcohol and cigarettes with Coca-Cola Classic.
• Appoint Debra McMichael "Secretary of Puppies".

• Lower age of consent in Memphis to 14 years old.
• Will allow "Puppy Madness" to be a viable defense in Memphis sexual assault cases.
• Change method of execution from lethal injection to piledriver.
• Sons of mayors will be allowed to be as publicly intoxicated as they want.

• Women, not just men, will be required to "pull the straps down" when they are about to finish off a tough task.
• Fill up the holes in Main Street. This is not what it sounds like.
  

Also, being a broadcaster himself, Lawler promises unprecedented access with the media. Namely, he will squeal with ecstasy every time a female reporter wears something remotely revealing. He also promises to draw all his campaign posters himself.

Of course, Batman doesn't like him. That could be a problem for any candidacy.