W.W.W. featuring Jumpin' Jeff Farmer and The Brian Kendrick vs Scotty Goldman

On Wednesdays, we here at LOL, Wresslin' like to really pull out the stops and offer up a double shot of righteously killer content. Why Wednesday? Well, we could impress you with market research, work habit studies, and human psychology tendencies to show you there's a scientific reason the middle of the week is the best time to bring your A-game. However, truth be told, we don't have any of that stuff and settled on Wednesday because that was the only day that didn't have any content scheduled.

So, here you have "Watch Wresslin' Wednesdays." Please feel free to suggest a better title, because we are woefully uncreative when it comes to naming stuff.

Better at naming stuff than us

The idea of W.W.W. is we each send the other a video that is related to wrestling (a match, promo, interview, guest starring spot, etc.). The only restriction is that it cannot be user-created, so your Chris Jericho/The Miz/Twitter slash fiction reading ain't gonna fly here, pal. Neither of us know what kind of video we're going to get that day.

After viewing, we each write a response. This could be anything we choose: a straight commentary, a philosophical enlightenment, or classless ridicule. Just as we don't know what kind of video the other will select, neither do we know what the other will write or how they will write it. What you end up with is a mash-up of styles, which in our book equates to two-blogs-in-one, and we can take the rest of the day off.

Matt's Video to Adam- Jumpin' Jeff Famer Promo Collection: Vol 4



Adam's response...


Hmm, I suppose the new fad here is "Awful promos by rednecks that clock in at under one minute."

Regardless, this is part of a Youtube series about some former wrestler named "Jumpin'" Jeff Farmer. They are meant to show off some of his more memorable promos, and are in fact, video responses to Best Wrestling Promo Ever. Of course, the irony of the situation is that it was not, in fact, the best wrestling promo ever. It's actually fairly awful. So the Farmer series may be a continuation of this gag. But you know what, HoneyDewWilkens? Eat a dick. Eat a bag of dicks.

Is it a good promo? Lord no, but I've heard a lot worse (namely from a certain large hogged world champion who talks.....like......this.....for.....every.....word.....he....says.....in.....his.....long.....drawn......out....
redundant....promos....) But Jeff Farmer comes across like a real good dude. Someone who'd be fun to hang out with. Maybe talk a little wrasslin' with. Maybe, just maybe, his goal is not to be the meanest, baddest man ever. Maybe he's just an athletic guy who can provide for his family by wrestling. Maybe he's not an emotionally arrested individual who just needs to hit other men because his daddy touched his butthole. It's weird. I like Jeff Farmer.

Now granted, I had no clue who he was and there's really no information on him. I was able to find some info on a wrestler named Jeff Farmer who wrestled as nWo Sting in the mid 90's and is still active on the indy scene, but I don't think they are the same man. This tape looks like it's from the 70's. At the very least, it's a territory, and the territories for the most part were dead by 1992 when fake Sting started his career. As for the territory, it says it's IPW, but that's such a bland acronym that narrowing down the Miz's douchiest moment would be easier.

It's too hard to rank!

So Jeff Famer, you live on as a Youtube sensation. Congratulations! And don't let people who criticize a few stumbles and misunderstanding of words get you down. They're all posers.

You know (tm) what? That's stupid advice. Because Jeff Farmer has never been a cry baby, and he never will be.

Adam's video to Matt - The Brian Kendrick versus Scotty Goldman



Matt's response...

Enjoy the mid-card, Kendrick!

Now, I know that he probably didn't pick that gimmick, and I also know that Adam has a hard-on for it, but "The" Brian Kendrick just isn't over for me. Maybe it's the fact that he never has anyone decent to feud against (see: Scotty Goldman), but likely it's just that I don't like Brian Kendrick, "the" or otherwise. He's a great technical wrestler, but just doesn't do it for me with his personality.

Congratulations, Brian Kendrick!

And Scotty Goldman. You're good too, my friend. Very nice in the ring. The two of you had a quaint little match. But you will never make me laugh. Sorry. Try as hard as you want, but I will never find anything you do funny.

Tazz summed you up rather well: wacky. That's what you are. Wacky. And wacky doesn't do anything for me. "Ohhhh! You can break the fourth wall! You're aware of the conventions of Smackdown television presentation." "Tee hee, you use your butt as offense." "Your singlet has funny things written on it."

Ha. Ha. Ha.

Also wacky

How about Ezekiel? What can I say about him? Good luck with your future endeavors.

Same to you, Scotty.

R U READY TO DOWN SOME SMACK??? Layin' the SmackDown 500 times over

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

Smackdown celebrated its 500th episode last week by not doing anything special. Hardly any retrospectives, just more of that steady, dependable Smackdown action. And by that I mean, tons of Raw guys infiltrating our Friday night Oasis.

First off, Shawn Michaels is preparing for his big Wrestelmania match against the Undertaker. How did he plan to do this pray tell? By taking on the Undertaker's brother Kane! Because obviously taking on the incompetent brother of someone who can never beat his older brother is a valuable learning method.


Anyway, the Heartbreak Kid broke the hurt of the Big Emo by doing his best Machoman impression.

Dig it!

In response to this, the Undertaker took on HBK's old employer (and former Smackdown color man), John "Bradshaw" Layfield. He's also apprently the Intercontinental champion.

He's one IC title reign behind Santino.

Anyway, JBL is a smart man, so he put up a bit more of a fight then Kane. Unfortunatly, he was way too fat.

Too much of that sugary juice he peddles. That's his problem

Yea, so guess who won?

OOOO...insiderish...

Jeff Hardy went back to normal by acting all weird again.

Maybe Big Bossman killed his dog....

In preparation for his big, eXXXtreme rules match at Wrestlemania he decided to take on the hardcore icon himself, The Brian Kendrick (wait, what?)! Of course don't discount Kendrick's black man servant, Ezekial Jackson. And it's no rules! So he could bring a gun or something to the ring!


Yup, so that happened.

Also, one can only assume that the sizable donation to the Montal Vontavious Porter Orphanage for Sick Kids is the main cataylst for MVP's recent winning streak. In fact, he has won so much he even got a US title match against the champ, The Gold Standard, Shelton Benjamin! And he even held his own in the match.

Looks like Smackdown has their own Randy Orton...

And beyond holding his own, he...won!? He won!?



Oh, and HHH beat Vlad Kozlov and Edge inadverdantly speared his wife when Big Show was bragging about his affair. Happy 500th!

Well that sucked. Maybe tonight will be better. Tune in MyNetwork TV at 8/7c!

R U READY TO DOWN SOME SMACK??? vol. 12

SEASON'S BEATINGS!

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

Twas' the day after Christmas, and Adam does not have the energy to put into a Smackdown recap. Let's just get this done.

The second best thing to hit Baltimore after The Wire was Smackdown last week, and why not since it was a helluva a show! We all remember how Jeff Hardy finally got his shit clean for twenty minutes and was able to finally win the WWE title. So what better way then to have a celebration of Scarface like proportions.

Push it to the limit

Of course, there's no rest for those who stay up on four day benders, but more on that later.



The build to the Royal Rumble started out with not one, but two different tag team title feuds! And what better way to do that then with singles matches!? Whhhaaaaa?? I know, it doesn't make sense either. Well, the Colon Bros. are going to be defending their WWE Tag Titles any day now against The Brian Kendrick and his black man servant, Ezekiel "Action" Jackson. That's because ole Zeke beat up a much smaller Puerto Rican, so rather then be arrested for a hate crime and be lambasted in the NY Post, him and his friend prosper. Well, I guess Earth-53 mirrors Earth-Prime sometimes....

I am of course referring to The Rock Bottom, you numbskull.

Also, Jesse and Festus are feuding with new World Tag Team champs, John "I'm not fat like Val Kilmer" Morrison, and The "I really should be feuding with Jeff Hardy" Miz. Here's one thing I fail to understand. I know Morrison and the Miz are on the ECW roster, which means they are free to appear on any show due to the ECW talent exchange that was negotiated between ECW General Manager Teddy Long and the respective managements of the other remaining WWE brands. So Morrison and Miz are allowed to compete against Raw talents, and rightfully have a shot at the previous World Tag champs, CM Punk and Kofi Kingston. Now, they happened to win those titles. Great. But wouldn't that then make them part of the Raw roster? Or at the very least, preclude them from defending those titles against Smackdown competition? Sure, they have yet to actually run a title match with J&F, but it's coming. You can't give a big palooka like Festus a Wet Willy and not expect payback. I mean really, come on.



Anyway, Morrison beat Festus.

This shot must smell so bad.

Also, Maryse beat up Maria, because Maria is dumb or something. Maryse is the #1 contender for Michelle McCool's Divas' title tonight. I'll only show you the stand off, because the horrifying details of how we got to this point are too grim for me to display. I abhor violence in all it's forms, after all.

Good Lord am I so depressingly lonely. I'm going to be spending my New Year's Eve staring in the mirror and screaming "You failure!" for three hours.

Finally, Jeff Hardy does not defend his title in a match against Vlad Kozlov! Speed vs power! Agility vs less agility! Currently disgraced nation vs formerly disgrace nation! Let's do this!

Basically this match went like every match. Jeff was holding his own and was doing very well against the much bigger Kozlov. Kozlov would dominate the offense when he was on it, very nearly pinning Jeff numerous times. Thankfully, the crowd was solidly behind Daryl Strawberry, as they would never allow him to give in. Finally, just when it looked like Jeff would eek it out and pin the Moscow Mauler for THE FIRST TIME EVER((!!!), that dastardly Edge interferes! Golly, he must be awful sore about losing his title the other day.



But then, the King of Kings descended from the gorilla position to save Corey Feldman! All is right in the Kingdom of Smack!

Odds and evens; heh, I get it.

Whatever doesn't kill you only makes you...stranger.

What Christmas miracles await us tonight behind that Smackdown door? My sources tell me there are a bunch of title matches in store. Better watch and see! 8/7c, MyNetworkTV!