R U READY TO DOWN SOME SMACK??? Destruction before Survival

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

It seems like I say this every couple weeks, but there's a show that you must pay for each viewing coming up this Sunday. This one isn't stupid though. Nope. It's one of the important ones! Survivor Series, where a lot of workers get a PPV bonus because of all the huge tag matches!

However, we must first talk about last week's Smackdown. It took place over in some rainy island that lost its empire. I'm pretty sure Ray over at Wrestlegasm was popping a major girl boner for her one chance to see CM Punk. Lucky for us, he didn't do much in last week on Smackdown, so we can talk about more pleasant things.

Like Mickie James.

Veteran"? Isn't that just code for "old"? It seems as if Mickie has heat with the interns of WWE.com too.

She wrestled Natayla, who is not remotely involved in Survivor Series. As such, you'd expect her to get her butt trounced, but no! Mean girls Michelle McCool and Layla decided to cut up Mickie James sparkle jeans! Natayla then locked in the sharpshooter, the move Shawn Michaels used to screw her uncle Bret out of the WWF Title at Survivor Series 1997.

Side note from the "Where are they know?" files: Did you know that Bret Hart eventually suffered a stroke?

Girls only care about clothes, lulz.

In other Ray boner news, WWE decided to split the crowd reaction and have two dudes from the UK fight. Scottish (right?) Drew McIntyre took on Irish (right?) Finlay in a fight of Twister level of epicness.

"Our beer is better, chap!"

Anyway, these two went so hog wild on each other's bodies that the referee ejaculated lost control and just disqualified both men. You know (tm), for a "future world champion" Drew McIntyre sure doesn't do much to make himself standup. If he debuted three years earlier he'd be part of the Spirit Squad.

That could have been Drew McIntyre

People love to pity Rey Mysterio, because his friends seem to turn on him all the time. Well you now (tm) what I think? What's the one constant in that equation? Maybe Rey is the problem!? Well, rather then be a rational adult and sort things out or avoid the confrontation, Rey is fighting his former friend Batista (he's bad now) at the Survivor Series. Well, only one way to make this official- contract signing!

Face=black

Heel=white

This contract signing was pretty mundane; no lawyers present, parties only need sign one line and not actually review the document, and no one notarizes it nor is an official witness. Just like when I signed my mortgage! And of course, the parties choose to yell at each other after they sign the document, thereby showing the mutual agreement that they both promised to uphold.

Or "I make a unilateral deal alone!"

And of course, it ends in a fight. Just like they teach you in law school.


The main event was World Champion the Undertaker taking on one half of the Unified Tag Champs, Chris Jericho, in OMG!!!111!!THEFIRSTTIMEEVER!!11!!!11!BBQSHIFT1ONE




Yea, sorry to say it, but this one was a little weak. Who would have thought that a World Champion, responsible for PPV buys, ratings, and being an overall merchandise mover who only has one hip could no longer have awesome matches? Common knowledge would make you believe that you have him put over other talent, elevating them as he slowly declines into poor health, but hey, this is WWE! Why bother planning that far ahead when they can just give away this match with hardly any build?

Oh, and Undertaker goes over in the match and THEN the Big Show interferes so Jericho can get his heat back. Because why have the match end in a no-finish when you can let Jericho job again, thereby leaving little doubt who will win on Sunday?

Step 1 of logical booking

Step 2

Oh, and speaking of heat...KANE!

Step 3: Profit!

There will be a tag match tonight with those four dudes. At least one of them can work! Avert your eyes to MyNetwork TV at 8/7c! Or log into hulu.com before they make you pay!

THE MOST INCREDIBLE THING IN THE HISTORY OF LIFE

Holy crap, did you hear??! Hulk Hogan got cut open during a brawl with Ric Flair as they were promoting their upcoming tour of Australia!

See!

According to reports, Hogan and Flair were conducting a press conference when things got heated and Ric Flair up and slapped Hogan right in the face!!


There's even a video! This is amazing! Please stop whatever you are doing (which, presumably is reading this blog) and watch this right now!!!



Things turned sour when two traded barbs over their failed marriages. Ooooh, low blows, gentlemen! That would piss anyone off, but with the likes of combustible elements like Hogan, who just went through a nasty divorce, and Flair, who's working on his fourth divorce, that's a little below the belt!

Hogan was left a bloody heap, but luckily Nasty Boy Brian Knobbs was there to help his friend to safety!!

The religious analogy is apparent and true.

Media outlets like TMZ and the Australian News have covered the fight, so it has to be true! What could this mean for the future of the tour?? Is Hogan going to be able to wrestle? And if so, what does that mean for Flair? Hogan's going to have a lot of anger built up by the time of their match, so he's going to come out swinging for sure! This is definitely going to be a slobber-knocker, as they say!

Let's not forget that since this was not a sanctioned fight, Flair could be charged with assault! What might that mean??! Will he even be able to make it to the match?! He has enough legal trouble as it is; can he handle the stress of more?!! How would a lengthy trial affect his new bride?! These are all things that could happen, people!

It's easy for so many of you to look at this and say, "Oh, those Laugh Twins are having a lark about the whole thing," but we don't think you understand the seriousness of what just happened! This isn't fake! This happened during a press conference and not in the ring, so these two have real animosity toward each other and that's something that cannot be ignored! You're foolish if you think that doesn't matter!!

We, for two, will be keenly tuned in to the goings-on down in Australia to make sure one of these warriors doesn't leave in a body bag!!! Keep with us for updates!!

W.W.W. featuring a defunct wrestling promotion and Shane O'Mac

On Wednesdays, we here at LOL, Wresslin' like to really pull out the stops and offer up a double shot of righteously killer content. Why Wednesday? Well, we could impress you with market research, work habit studies, and human psychology tendencies to show you there's a scientific reason the middle of the week is the best time to bring your A-game. However, truth be told, we don't have any of that stuff and settled on Wednesday because that was the only day that didn't have any content scheduled.

So, here you have "Watch Wresslin' Wednesdays," the ORIGINAL wrestling-themed, YouTube video comedic co-commentary. Please feel free to suggest a better title, because we are woefully uncreative when it comes to naming stuff.

Better at naming stuff than us.

The idea of W.W.W. is we each send the other a video that is related to wrestling (a match, promo, interview, guest starring spot, etc.). The only restriction is that it cannot be user-created, so your break-down of Linda McMahon's chances at being elected ain't going to fly here, pal. Neither of us know what kind of video we're going to get that day.

After viewing, we each write a response. This could be anything we choose: a straight commentary, a philosophical enlightenment, or classless ridicule. Just as we don't know what kind of video the other will select, neither do we know what the other will write or how they will write it. What you end up with is a mash-up of styles, which in our book equates to two-blogs-in-one, and we can take the rest of the day off.

Adam's video to Matt - Matt Sydal vs. Matt Classic



Matt's response...

At first, I thought, "Hey, both these guys are named Matt! This video has to be great!" Then I realized that it was actually Scotty Goldman and Evan Bourne, and that "has to be" changed to "can in no way." This all has to do with Adam's weird fascination with Goldman. Sure, we follow him on Twitter. You know why? Adam added him. I've added Dixie Carter and Layla. I think we know where our heads are at.

I don't know why, but he never really gelled with me. Sure, I get his bit, and it's fine. He's sort of that wrestler that some of the marks like because he throws out inside jokes and references wrestling's glory days (like this Matt Classic character, which, if the dates are to be believed, is a 60-something-year-old wrestler in a mask. Like that would ever happen!)

Er...um...

But nothing against the guy. He's just not my thing. I don't hate him; I don't like him. So there you go. Same thing for Evan Bourne (real name Matthew Korklan, so points for that). He has just not given me anything to be excited about, and strikes me as a more-agile Lance Storm.

In any case, I don't have much to say about the match itself. It was good for what it was. Sydal did his thing well, and Classic stuck to his gimmick, which made for some appropriately cheesy moments. Sydal's girlfriend, Lizzy Valentine, looked like she made a quick stop by Ross on the way to the show, finding her costume on the "50% off" rack. What I would like to highlight is the promotion in which they are competing - Wrestling Society X.

This was apparently some show put together for the MTV family of networks that I've never heard of. It's ok; I'm a mainstreamer, and I don't pretend to be otherwise. That being said, I think I would have liked this little show. It ran for nine episodes in 2007, with the tenth never airing, despite it having what is both descriptively and intriguingly named the "Exploding Cage Match." The fact that was never broadcast is a tragedy.

It featured what can best be described as a cast of miscreants, and had it's own special venue with its own special rules. Allow me also to provide this nugget about its production, taking from the finest research tools at my disposal:

The program also stood out due to its unorthodox approach to pro wrestling; this included frequent use of highly expressive plants, crowd sound effects, electrical sound effects, visual effects, and camera shaking when a wrestler would fall prey to electrical weapons.

Had I known Sam Raimi would be directing the show, I would have definitely tuned in!

Also, being on MTV, they decided to make it tangentially related to music, so acts would come in and perform before each episode, include Oscar-winning group Three 6 Mafia. Of course, Good Charlotte also played, so you can kind of see why it got canceled.

I don't have much patience for the wrestlers whose gimmick is "being weird just to be weird," which is why I have a problem with some of the performers in TNA these days, but something tells me that in this venue, it would have worked. A more cartoonish and campy product would be nice in limited doses, and I'm a little sad I missed out on this promotion.

I'm not sad that I missed out on more Scotty Goldman, but I'm sure Adam will see to it that I don't go for too long without him.

Matt's video to Adam- Shane McMahon Judges Aspiring WWE Superstars on O&A



Adam's response...

Look at how the tables have turned. Sure, Matt may crap on the repetitive nature of the videos I've sent him, but now who's the Opie and Anthony mark, Matty??!?!?!

Nope...no marks here!

This video isn't so much about Shane McMahon as much as it's about a bunch of fat WWE marks.

Nope, no fats here!

Still, it's nice to see Shane O'Mac loving WWE, because in six short weeks that's all going to be gone. It's a shame he had to waste that love on a few misfit toys.

Take for example, The Executive Order. He had an interesting gimmick and was pretty funny when he brought out his chart, but he just didn't believe it. He sort of mumbled it. Perhaps rehearsing in front of the mirror would have won him that trip to Indianapolis. Still, he'll have to drown his sorrow in more cheese steaks, since that belly a'int getting on the other side of that belt anytime soon.

Mouthwash Jones (who is not me) thought he'd be cute and make fun of ERock.



For those not in the know, ERock is the show's producer. He's fat so he gets made fun of a lot. He also loves "Straight Up" by Paula Abdul, but loves wrestling even more. I say good for him that he spit mouthwash in that douche's face. I bet "ERockFan" who posted this video is even happier.

Next was "Stryker", which is a stupid name because replacing "I" with "Y" was out of style back in 1985. Also, WWE already has a "Matt Striker", so I fail to see what makes him different. Even his logo is ripped off from The Flash.



Anyway, once again allow me to explain. The Jill Nicolini he refers to is the traffic girl for WPIX in New York. She's a looker. At the time she was co-host Anthony's girlfriend (which is astounding because he is hideous), so name dropping her was a cute way to get brownie points. Except he did it wrong.

That's really not fair.

Anyway, their break up is rather hilarious. Listen to the clips if you can.

Next up was some dude who put in way too much effort. Thank God ERock locked in the Kata Hajime (Tazmission, newb).

Finally, we have our winner. Type A. Which is ironic, in my opinion. Sure, he may have a similar blood pressure as a Type A individual, but that's about where the similarities stop. Wouldn't you think a Type A man would be, I dunno, a little more motivated?



Still, he won because he actually bothered to rehearse. And he "ended strong" according to Shane. If by strong you mean screaming "boo-ya!"

More like "Bukakke-ya!", dork.

I probably should have entered this contest. I would have won easily and realized I hate live wrestling much sooner in my life.

Tell me another lie

Today is a sad day on earth-53. We've lost one of our own. Yes, Jamie Noble has retired Brock Lesnar is really sick and will probably have to retire. We'll pour a 40 on the curb for you, dude.



Now, we hear some of you snickering. "Oh, those Laugh Twins are at it again! Making a big deal over nothing, lulz." Well shut up! Jamie Noble Brock Lesnar (kinda) rules! No joke. His entire career has been marked by nothing short of excellence. He started in WCW WWE as part of the tag team The Jung Dragons The Next Big Thing, who had the gimmick of being Asian guys fucking scary. Jamie, not being an Asian, wore a mask, thereby breaking down racial barriers for decades to come! Then, he took of his mask and formed another tag team with some dude named Evan Karagias, forming a tag team called "Noble & Karagias." Brilliant name, surpassed only by "Above Average" Mike Sanders. Brock was managed by Paul Heyman and has lots of tattoos.

This should answer your next question

When the WWF bought WCW, Noble was one of the 22 wrestlers whose contracts WWF decided to pick up from the old fed. That's right. They didn't take Goldberg, or Hogan, or Sting, or even Flair. Nope. Jaime Noble made the cut. That right there is evidence of his might. Brock was quickly brought into the main event scene, by winning the 2002 King of the Ring. Then he beat the Rock at Summerslam 2002 to win the Undisputed Championship. Soon after, Smackdown signed him to an exclusive contract, so Raw just gave HHH a championship, thereby disputing his championship. He also beat the Undertaker in a Hell in a Cell match, but this is tainted since the Undertaker was alive as The American Badass (Deadman Undertaker can't be beat! ;))

Then he almost died attempting to shooting star onto Kurt Angle at Wrestlemania XIX.

Eventually, he got tired of wrestling (read, didn't want to give back), and jobbed to Goldberg at Wrestlemania XX (where the shows final moment ended with both champions being dead within four years.)

Once in out of the loving arms of Vince McMahon, JamieBrock was able to be the real Jamie Brock. He became a good old country boy, living in his trusty trailer with his girlfriend Nidia Rena "Sable" Mero (who just so happened to have recently won WWF Tough Enough I some sexually transmitted diseases). He also brought in his cousin, Nunzio, to WWE. Which makes perfect sense because the Italians are a race of people who frequently copulate with other races. tried out to play in the NFL, despite not having played football in over a decade. He played defensive end and was cut by the Minnesota Vikings in the preseason. He wisely decided to not play in NFL Europe.

The good fortune didn't stop there, as Jamie and Nidia won the lottery and lived in hog heaven for a brief period. All until Tajiri, still mad about that Jung Dragons thing, decided to spit black mist in Nidia's face, blinding her. Jamie decided to get some ass on the side, since she was blind. Also, he thought he'd get away with it because on earth-53, the wrestlers never see what the crowd sees. Anyway, the two of them had a blindfold match which Jamie won because men are the dominate sex. Brock went back to wrestling, this time in Japan. He fought Kurt Angle for the IWGP Heavyweight title and won. Miraculously, no one broke their neck.



Anyway, JamieBrock went back to WWE a worked sport and was part of SmackdownUltimate Fighting Championship for a longshort time. He lost a bunch of Cruiserweight title matches fight, which sucks, but he also had a pretty awesome feud against Chuck Palumbo won the UFC championship at UFC 100. Basically, he beat the former homosexual(s) a lot and got to steal lay upon his woman because of it. Check out the old cooze hound in action.



Then some albino some intestinal issue beat him up so bad that JamieBrock (probably) hads to retire. Relax though, "he doesn't have cancer or AIDS or anything like this."

Now, we know this may not seem like the most illustrious of careers. But honestly, what have you ever done? Can you look yourself in the mirror and say your half the man Jamie Noble Brock Lesnar is? Sure, he's short ginourmous! But he's bigsmall on heartintestines. And above all else, he was part of the greatest Velocity matchmilk drinking contest of all time!



Yea, we thought so.

OH BABY, I like it Raw! Don't worry...I'm UK

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

For a theme song to accompany this post, please press play and enjoy...



So Raw emanated from Sheffield, England last week, and our guest host was this boxer named Ricky Hatton, who's about the only athlete from the United Kingdom who's worth a damn. Believe me, that's not saying much.

Now, before you start to wonder, "What does Hatton have to do with the WWE?", I'll tell you. You see, one of Hatton's recent losses (I know, right? Which one?) came to some Filipino dude named Manny. On that night, Manny was escorted to the ring by a certain lonely gentleman the WWE Universe likes to call THE ANIMAL!!!!


So Hatton has some face to save, albeit somewhat tangentially. As is custom, the Unified Tag Champs want to come out and start some stuff with the guest host.

Even the WWE.com interns know it.

But ol' Ricky's not having any of that. He makes a match between Jeri-Tall and DX!! Already this week is turning out to be the same as last week!

We all know how original the English are. Just look at their signs!

For his second act of the night, Hatton steps things up and makes Alicia Fox go one-on-one with K-squared, meaning only one thing to me. PHOTO TIME!

That's what's been missing...

Of course, as you would expect when these two lock-up, things get pretty hot and heavy in the ring.


Alicia won.

Sheamus beat "a local competitor." When do they hold these try-outs to face a real WWE wrestler? I never see them posted anywhere when Raw comes to town. Maybe I'll try Craigs List...

Found it! They post some odd pictures though...

Evan Bourne finally beat someone. Of course, it was Jack Swagger, so we might want to save the bragging for another week.


Tension continued between the Legacy and Kofi's Kool Kompetitors, as they had words for each other during the VIP Lounge. And I'm glad Randy and his guard models came out too. It's not fair for Kofi, Mark Henry and MVP to come out on MVP's interview program and spout only their own views for a segment. There is such a thing called "equal time," and these three shouldn't be allowed hijack the airwaves simply because they have a friendly outlet. Good for Randy standing up for the voiceless!


Naturally, this meant someone had to fight someone, and those someone's were Randy Orton and Mark Henry. Randy would finally settle the pressing issue of who has the larger hog, and got the win over the World's Strongest Man. Seems like strength can't stand up to a viper bite!

After the match, Kofi and Randy got into a scuffle, and Orton had to retreat. He wasn't happy about it, though.

Also, this is your not-quite-weekly Cody Rhodes photoshop contest.

Chavo Guerrero decided that since there was a boxer on the show, they should try to answer that question that's been answered several times before, "Who would win between a boxer and a professional wrestler?" Allow me to provide you a little something from the WWE.com recap of this fight...

...Hatton bided his time, avoiding Chavo's clutch and waiting for just the right moment. That moment arrived several minutes into the bout...

That's right. This lasted more than a minute. Hatton won.

Finally, it's that historic match-up of Jeri-Tall and DX. Will strength and athleticism defeat pyros and crotch jokes?

Big Show is not impressed.

Show, of course, would be big and dumb again and accidentally punch Jericho, giving DX the ability to pin. I guess that pretty much wraps up the ni-

Thanks for the sexually suggestive pose, WWE camera guy.

Wait! That's the Undertaker!!! But he's on Smackdown!!! Apparently 'Taker is here early to let us know that next week's (this week's!) guest host, Rowdy Roddy Piper, got busy early and put him in a match for next week (this week)! A Triple Threat Tag Team match with DX, Jeri-Tall and...Cena and the Undertaker? Well, let's just see how this turns out! USA at 9/8c!

R U READY TO DOWN SOME SMACK??? Altered Beast

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

For a theme song to accompany this post, please press play and enjoy...



Oh my! Lightning round today!

So Beth Phoenix continued to beat up jobbers, all the while WWE.com couldn't be bothered to remember the poor girl's name.

This poor girl reminds me of my second favorite part of watching TNA

In other jobber news, Drew McIntyre decided to walk that path to becoming a future world champion by having a match against Smackdown "superstar" Jimmy Wang Yang! Hmmm....one British guy who's in the middle of a push against someone we haven't seen on television in forever....this seems familiar.

Oh yea...

Anyway, McIntyre totally beat Wang (hehe) before the match started, but Wang wasn't quite licked (hehe.) The match actually took place, but McIntyre just laid down some uber pwnge.


CM Punk continued his feud with nobodies as he took on R-Truth. Now it may be "true" that Truth has the best entrance in Smackdown vs Raw 2010, but that doesn't mean he's more awesome then the Straight-Edge Superstar

Side note, now that Batista is a heel, him and Punk should start a tag team called "The Second City Masheen Gunz." All credit goes to Matt for that zinger.

Anyway, Truth sure did ask Punk "What's up?", didn't he?

Yea, I went there.

And then he decided to do his best Shelton Benjamin impression (yes, I said Shelton Benjamin because they're both black. If R-Truth were white I'd compare him to Jeff Hardy and if he were Native American I'd compare him to Amazing Red. Go ahead and call me a racist.) by diving out of the ring to knock out his opponent!

What? It's not like I'm saying R-Truth should have been a subject in the Tuskegee syphilis experiment.

Still, CM Punk is a former World Champion, whereas R-Truth is only a former NWA-World champion! You can't keep the hardcore hamwallet down for too long! How do you counter high flying! Simple! Rest holds Mexican surfboard!

Above: Latin charms

You'd never know it from WWE.com, but Truth won the match. Punk thought he had a 1-2-3 when his old nemesis, referee Scott Armstrong, counted slow. While Punk instructed Armstrong to count faster, Truth rolled up our shining example of virtue and Armstrong fast counted a three. Conspiracy!

However, WWE.com isn't all bad. Have I mentioned that I love the interns there? Take a look at this beautiful caption from the Batista/Matt Hardy match:

Ok, the cats out of the bag. We're actually WWE employees.

We all know that it's impossible to fight an uncaged Animal. Why did Matt Hardy even bother? Seriously. It also didn't help that Big Dave mounted the mush mouthed 'mo while he took a Twitter break.

Do I really need to? Ok, fine. "You're gunna get raped!"

Although I imagine being an uncaged Animal is awesome, there are some nasty side effects. Sometimes you walk alone into that pit of danger one too many times and forget the rules. Which is just what happened to Batista as he got DQ'd for hitting Matt with some television monitors (what?!) But hey, that happens when you're compared to the third best Sega Genesis game of all time.

Stand next to the announce table and tap A!

Also, I love the WWE.com interns.

Poetry

Yea, so clearly I didn't care about writing this one. Why should you care about reading it? You deserve better. Start by watching Smackdown (which is over half way finished by this point) on MyNetwork TV at 8/7c. Or at work this Monday on hulu.com!

Cash creates more cash

In case you weren't aware, WWE's pay-per-view buyrates are pretty much all down this year from last. That may seem like an obvious thing to you, seeing that the economy is in the tank and all. But historically, entertainment flourishes when financial times are bad. So why is WWE taking it on the chin this year, and more importantly, what are they going to do to fix it?

There's a few ways most of us sane people would suggest trying first:

1. Decrease the number of pay-per-views to avoid oversaturation of the market.

2. Spend more time building up feuds.

3. Avoid giving away PPV-quality matches during Raw or Smackdown.

4. Create new and interesting gimmick matches.

The WWE, however, doesn't feel like any of these are a good idea, and in order to recoup the money they've lost from lower buys, they're just going to up the price next year. That's right - the base price of a pay-per-view is going from $39.95 to $44.95 (convert it to pounds yourself, international readers). After all is said and done, a monthly event will cost you one crisp Grant.


Now we, being the internet-famous Laugh Twins, get all of our pay-per-views comped, so this doesn't really affect us, but we like to pretend like we care about those of you who aren't so fortunate. Which is why we're right there with you when we say, "This effin' blows." When more and more people are choosing to pay for groceries rather than get their hair done or buy a new gadget, wrestling pay-per-views are one of those things that fall into the "Shit I Don't Need" category, so this seems like WWE is a little out of touch with just where they rank in most people's lives.

So what would be better? Clearly we see the need for the WWE to make money, and this is one way they do it. We can't fault them for that, and neither can we fault them for trying to squeeze as much cash out of us as they can. However, there are other ways.

We would like to suggest a tiered, a la carte style of event, with buyers able to pick and choose the matches they would like to see, with the undercard matches being slightly less than the main event. A few bucks per match, with discounts to those who order several or all of them. In that way, the WWE cannot only charge a little more than they would were the prices to be broken down "per match," but they can also instantly gauge the hot storylines and the ones that might need a little more work.

Let's take a look at their last big show, SummerSlam, and see how this pricing might work:

WWE Intercontinental Championship - Rey Mysterio vs. Dolph Ziggler
Price: $2.75
Rey counts as three-quarters of a wrestler, so any match he's involved in will be discounted.

MVP vs. Jack Swagger
Price: $3.10
No title on the line, so it can't cross that five dollar mark, but this is a battle for honor. It's also got that ex-con vs. college boy vibe, so a few extra cents for that one. Who wouldn't pay for a good battle of the races?

Unified Tag Team Championship - Jeri-Tall vs. Cryme Tyme
Price: Free with any purchase
Come on...it's the tag team titles. Even Jericho can't resurrect these belts.

Kane vs. The Great Khali
Price: $5.50
It's big man versus big man! Which big man is the biggest?! Who is going to shove the other down first?! This is drama and tension at its all-time finest! (Note: we're speaking as WWE executives right now, not fans.)

DX vs. The Legacy
Price: $6.00
Yes, yes, it's a tag match, but there's no title on the line so this must be worth something. Extra $1.00 surcharge for "nostalgia," plus another fifty cents for the wrestling clinic Cody Rhodes is sure to put on. That kind of education isn't cheap, friends!

ECW Championship - Christian vs. William Regal
Price: First viewer pays $10.00. After that, it's free.
No one should be forced to pay for this, but that one ECW fan will be sure to pick it up.

WWE Championship - Randy Orton vs. John Cena
Price: $9.00
Premium billing because of "hogs" and "jorts." Also, any wrestler with an animal nickname commands an extra $1.50. Price increases retroactively to $9.75 if Cena pumps up his sneakers/smirks at the camera/attempts the Attitude Adjustment more than twice.

TLC match for the World Heavyweight Championship - C.M. Punk versus Jeff Hardy
Price: $12.00
Lots of extra charges for this one: main event match, gimmick match, major championship, face paint, match involving someone currently taking illicit drugs. $2.00 discount for C.M. Punk's product placement advertising for Pepsi. Bonus undercard match if Hardy is arrested during the bout.