W.W.W. featuring Steve Austin and Slick

On Wednesdays, we here at LOL, Wresslin' like to really pull out the stops and offer up a double shot of righteously killer content. Why Wednesday? Well, we could impress you with market research, work habit studies, and human psychology tendencies to show you there's a scientific reason the middle of the week is the best time to bring your A-game. However, truth be told, we don't have any of that stuff and settled on Wednesday because that was the only day that didn't have any content scheduled.

So, here you have "Watch Wresslin' Wednesdays." Please feel free to suggest a better title, because we are woefully uncreative when it comes to naming stuff.

Better at naming stuff than us

The idea of W.W.W. is we each send the other a video that is related to wrestling (a match, promo, interview, guest starring spot, etc.). The only restriction is that it cannot be user-created, so your roundtable discussion of you and your nobody friends a'int going to fly here, pal. Neither of us know what kind of video we're going to get that day.

After viewing, we each write a response. This could be anything we choose: a straight commentary, a philosophical enlightenment, or classless ridicule. Just as we don't know what kind of video the other will select, neither do we know what the other will write or how they will write it. What you end up with is a mash-up of styles, which in our book equates to two-blogs-in-one, and we can take the rest of the day off.

Matt's video to Adam- Steve Austin ECW Shoot Promo



Adam's response...

Here's the inherent problem with shoot interviews: once the business is exposed, it's nearly impossible to bring back any semblance of wrestling logic to the proceedings. Take for example, this promo. Some surfer dude named Steve Austin has a live microphone in his hand, and decides to talk about his time working in WCW. He explains all these ideas he has to be a main eventer, and then in an accurate Dusty Rhodes impression, explains why that was never meant to be. Ok, even though he goes into some specifics, it could still be ok to assume that the wrestling commissions need to approve matches. But then he goes into explaining how he needs to make Buff Bagwell look good (as if the American Males wasn't enough), or to give "seven minuntes" to Alex Wright.

Basically, Austin pulled back the curtain and said "wrestling's fake, LOLZ!"

Of course, everything should now fall apart. WCW was fake, but somehow succeeding in ECW is real? Not likely. However, this promo is what makes Steve Austin brilliant.

He never mentioned winning matches and titles once.

All he claims is that he was held back from realizing his potential. From being the biggest superstar in the history of the industry (...well when you're right you're right.) Sure, he gets across some angles and becomes a little more of a heel by crapping on the bingo hall, but for the most part, this interview is pure shoot.

Still, I don't see this being a prelude to Stone Cold Steve Austin. Sure, he speaks his mind, but there's none of the volume and over-the-topness that Stone Cold had. Which actually makes me dislike Stone Cold a little more. How awesome would a cold, calculating, serious Stone Cold have been? I know it's hard to say that almost anything involving Stone Cold is a failure (except this), so I'm not saying the WWF did wrong. I just think another dimension to the character could have been cool.

Of course, the one downfall of their being an awesome segment on WWW is that there are no jokes to be had. Except for one. Long, blond hair does not suit you Steve. Good idea to shave it off.

That outfit doesn't help either, Steve.

Adam's video to Matt - Jive Soul Bro music video



Matt's response...

I fully believe that WWF's album Piledriver could be fodder for this column until the end of time and beyond. Such a perfect union of 80's wrestling personas and terrible music can't be ignored or stopped. Just look at the album cover and see if that doesn't tell you everything you need to know...

The greatest music, all at your fingertips.

Sadly, the album has never made it to CD, and the videos have only ever been released on VHS, so YouTube is about the only way we really get to enjoy this fine production these days. All the better for us, I say.

How do you even go about commenting on this video? I suppose I could say what user "ne0nsurf" said:

slick, the only black person I actually like

See? He's not racist. He likes at least one.

But really, what better to do than break down the claims of our subject, Ken "Slick" Johnson, resident of Fort Worth, Texas. This Jive Soul Bro follows all the guidelines of a truly good heel manager: be as bombastic as possible and not back it up whatsoever.

In this instance, Slick says he can "dance and sing better than anyone." Let's put that to the test, shall we? I've gone through this video second-by-second and found four different dance moves in his arsenal.

#1 - The Foot Step


This is used in a variety of manners, but typically consists of simply lifting one foot, and then lifting the other. Could be confused with "kicking."

#2 - The Hand Crank


Imagine having to pedal a bicycle with your hands. You get the picture. Can be performed with or without a cane.

#3 - Walking


Combines the Foot Step with forward motion. Honestly, it's walking. Do I really need to explain this?

#4 - The Jumping Over a Kid on a Big Wheel

Nice screenshot, shitdick.

Alright, I'll admit, this one is pretty advanced. Good moves.

Now, for the singing. Well...


Imagine anything musical coming out of that.

W.W.W. featuring Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka and Booker T and Goldust At the Movies

On Wednesdays, we here at LOL, Wresslin' like to really pull out the stops and offer up a double shot of righteously killer content. Why Wednesday? Well, we could impress you with market research, work habit studies, and human psychology tendencies to show you there's a scientific reason the middle of the week is the best time to bring your A-game. However, truth be told, we don't have any of that stuff and settled on Wednesday because that was the only day that didn't have any content scheduled.

So, here you have "Watch Wresslin' Wednesdays." Please feel free to suggest a better title, because we are woefully uncreative when it comes to naming stuff.

Better at naming stuff then us

The idea of W.W.W. is we each send the other a video that is related to wrestling (a match, promo, interview, guest starring spot, etc.). The only restriction is that it cannot be user-created, so your roundtable of "Greatest Jobbers of the 1973" ain't gonna fly here, pal. Neither of us know what kind of video we're going to get that day.

After viewing, we each write a response. This could be anything we choose: a straight commentary, a philosophical enlightenment, or classless ridicule. Just as we don't know what kind of video the other will select, neither do we know what the other will write or how they will write it. What you end up with is a mash-up of styles, which in our book equates to two-blogs-in-one, and we can take the rest of the day off.

Matt's video to Adam- Booker T Goldust At the Movies



Adam's response...

Did you know that movie star Dwayne Johnson was once a professional wrestler in the WWE? It's true! Before landing roles in blockbuster films Doom, The Rundown, and fourteen time Oscar winner The Gameplan, Johnson had a small run as The Rock. He won a few titles, but really never had a connection with the audience and segued into film. Still, he landed his first lead role while still working in the WWE, so well known WWE film buff Goldust and rival to the Rock, Booker T, took it upon themselves to review his film, The Scorpion King.

These are the same person?

We are live (to tape) for the premier (and only) edition of Goldust and Booker T At the Movies! Goldust, being the film buff welcomes us with a grand introduction and Booker T, being black, welcomes us with a "What up, dog?" Goldust then sets up the film, asking us to "note the Fellinesq way in which our protagonist must engage in his goal, in his quest for salvation."



I happen to know a thing or two about film, so I'm just going to say it; Goldust, that's bullshit. You clearly don't know what you're talking about and just want to throw the wool over the common fan's eyes. Frederico Fellini was, if anything, a non-conventional filmmaker. His films involved his protagonists making choices that frequently would deny any hopes of salvation and not even having a goal in mind at the start, just reacting to things that happen. He is a primary influence of filmmakers like Stanley Kubrick and David Lynch, visionary directors who's work could be characterized as "weird" by the masses. So it is highly doubtful, especially after viewing the clip, that anything in The Scorpion King would be Fellinesq.

I don't entirely trust these two are film critics. Both have beef with the Rock, so any review will have a natural bias to it. And then, they run alternate takes, staring themselves! How can there credentials be taken seriously? I tune into WWE Monday Night Raw for hard hits and even harder hitting film analysis. And all I get is these two spouting off catch phrases and gay jokes! Does it sound delicious? You damn right it sound delicious! But it does not excuse their terrible film reviews. Due to factual inaccuracies, clear bias, and clip manipulation, I must form a protest that Goldust and Booker T At the Movies be stripped of their credentails in the National Team of Movie and Film Reviews and Critics Assocation of the Universe, Forever!

Adam's video to Matt - Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka Dances to Rap



Matt's response...

****This video has been removed due to excessive use of sunglasses****

Seriously, are those "studio" lights too much for your eyes? I can forgive Jimmy Snuka; he's earned the right to wear whatever he wants, and he liberally takes advantage of that. But this other dude? Well, those shades better be because his shirt is so bright, because his future sure isn't.

What caused this? There's not much to go by in the video, except for the cryptic "NWA Shockwave Pro Wrestling" at the beginning. So using the finest research tools at my disposal, I decided to familiarize myself with this promotion, which obviously has its finger on the pulse of your average wrestling fan.

Here's some of the "roster" of performers(?)...

Seriously, this guy changes my oil...

The poor man's Miz, and you gotta be "Somalia poor" for that to apply.

No...just no.

Ok, that dude's still in high school...

You know how to make people forget you're fat? Paint your face like it's Dia de los Muertos.

One shining light is this next guy. It's been said before on this site that there's nothing better than a good pun, and this one comes close to taking the cake. Allow me to proudly introduce...


Let's forgive him for misspelling "Tennessee." Seriously, this dude is awesome. He's worth the price of admission, which can't be more than a can of Dinty Moore beef stew.

And what about our illustrious interviewer. Well, he's a former booker for Shockwave by the name of Derek Gordon. Why former? Because of bullcrap like this...

No, you asshat, I can't.

He also directed a commercial for Roddy Piper's book "In the Pit..." Let's have a look at how that turned out.



Note that it says "unseen." Good. The only reason this "commercial" is any good is Piper. I'm not saying I could do a better job than Mr. Gordon, but anyone else could have.

As for the interview, well, it's hard to even call it that. Actually, this is a small part of larger interview, some of which I found and watched. Believe me, it's not worth it. This isn't even worth it, but it's what I got. This is a clear case of an interviewer not having a damn thing in his bag. Gordon found this song by Brand Nubian which mentions "Superfly." And by mention, that's the extent of it: Snuka rhymes with "hooka" and that's the only reason it's in the song.

But Gordon soldiers on, thinking it makes good entertainment to continually ask Snuka if he knows what it means to "hook a hooker." I don't even know what that means. "Superfly" seems to share the audience's collective confusement, but being the entertainer he is, he rolls with it. Even to the point where he's dancing with two girls (who were also kept in waiting just for this segment of the interview. Let it never be said that Derek Gordon doesn't plan ahead), neither of which are particularly attractive and could possibly both be actual hookers.

Oh, and a dog.

So Snuka actually cuts the rug with three bitches. Actually, the dog may have been of Snuka's doing, because at the beginning of the video, he says, "You turn me, the jungle is coming to your hometown." It's a pleasing thought that when Jimmy starts to dance, animals materialize and get in on the fun.

I guess Snuka's at the club again...