A bunch of things we've all heard of

If you spend some time surfing the internet (and if you're reading this, you've probably spent a lot of time wandering into corners of the web that you'd rather find your way out of), then you're likely familiar with "the list." You know what we're talking about - 10 best movies about ninjas, Top 12 songs featuring T-Pain, the best Saturday morning cartoons of 1992. They all follow a similar format: a list of fairly recognizable items with a few cursory, and possibly witty, remarks accompanying them, all meant to pluck a tone off your heartstrings and elicit the "this guy is talking about things I remember!" response.

Occasionally you'll find the odd list about wrestling, perhaps the best wrestlers of the 80s. Seeing as how most of the sites that do this sort of thing aren't wrestling related, the lists they create seem to be based off of some fond memory from when they were young, buttressed by generic photos and whatever could be scrounged up on Wikipedia. We're not insulting people who Wiki from time to time - this site would hardly exist were it not for them - but we also like to think that we have a little knowledge of our own on this silly little business. And what we don't have in knowledge, we easily fill with unremarkable comedy and utter bullshit.

LOL, Wresslin' has never been one for lists. In fact, we don't think we've ever done one, and if you call us on that, we'll just delete the blog entry. So much for your proof! But seeing as how any non-wrestling site that wants can do a list of wrestlers, the wrestling comedy blog of record should have a crack at it. So we present to you to our list of the Top 5 Wrestlers of the 80's, in no particular order, and done completely from memory. Forgive us if we're a little off on our facts; we're internet comedians, not historians for goodness sake!

Hulk Hogan

Height: taller than you

Weight: beefy

Real name: Bruce Banner

Finishing move: a good left hook

Fan nickname: Hogan's Heroes

Facts: The first wrestler ever. Thanks to Hogan, professional wrestling exists, not only as you see it today, but period. Hogan had everything: looks, a vast and skilled move set, charisma, and despite all of that, a perfectly manageable ego. Never one to look out for himself, Hogan was always concerned with putting his fellow wrestler over and still is to this day. Once slammed Andre the Giant




Andre the Giant

Height: 9 feet

Weight: at least 900 pounds

Real name: Fezzik

Finishing move: Seriously? He's 1000 pounds. He sits on you or whatever.

Fan nickname: Fandres

Facts: The biggest man in the history of the universe. Biblically large. He once drank 1,000 beers and then drove from Idaho to Dublin, where he drank 1,000 more. Once slammed by Hulk Hogan.








"Rowdy" Roddy Piper

Height: 2 meters and then some

Weight: 19 stone 2

Real name: Rowdy Piperson

Finishing move: the Bagpipe Bomb

Fan nickname: the Pipettes

Facts: Wears a kilt. Once painted himself half-black so he could get away with committing hate crimes. Hosted a segment called the Piper's Pit, which was not set in a pit at all. Rowdy long before rowdy was cool. Once fought Mr. T and aliens. Saw Hogan slam Andre.






"The Nature Boy" Ric Flair

Height: 6 feet 1 inch

Weight: 242 pounds

Real name: Richard Fliehr

Finishing move: the Figure-Four leglock

Fan nickname: homo sapien

Facts: Adopted by a phsyician and a theater writer, and grew up in Edina, Minnesota. Debuted in 1972 in Rice Lake, Wisconsin, where he took the ring name Ric Flair. Won his first championship, the NWA World Heavyweight Championship, on September 17, 1981, after defeating Dusty Rhodes. Founding member of the legendary stable The Four Horseman. Won the heavyweight title sixteen times. Retired in 2008 at Wrestlemania 24. Heard about Hogan slamming Andre.




Mr. Perfect

Height: 6 feet even

Weight: exactly 250 pounds

Real name: William Perfect

Finishing move: living a perfect life, which devastated every opponent

Fan nickname: God

Facts: Can throw a football to himself. Never misses a basketball shot and never hits the rim. Can toss a towel to himself. Shoots under par at golf every time. Slaps gum out of mid-air. Never lost a single match. Always flips heads. Cannot die. Slammed Hogan while he was slamming Andre.