R U READY TO DOWN SOME SMACK??? A lifelong dream come true

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

The wonderful thing about PPV recaps is that there are no storylines to bother with! Here's dudes (and chicks!)! Fighting! And with Night of Champions it's over titles! Simple as that! Exclamation! Point.

Like our first title match of the night. The booty-licious Melina and the fetching Michelle McCool went at it for the Women's title. And it was a barn burner from the start! Melina did her trade mark spli....


Huh? What? Oh right. Well Melina couldn't even finish her entrance before McCool went on the attack.

The joke is here

Of course, this seems a little odd to me. After all, Michelle is the champion. Shouldn't she enter the ring second? After all, HHH gets Motorhead concerts when he's champion, shouldn't Michelle at least get to be introduced as champion after some jabroni? Unless she planned the whole thing...yes...yes. She is a clever one.

Anyway, she defended her title.

Now all they have to do is create a women's belt on ECW, and Michelle McTaker can be the first tiple crown winner!

Now you want further proof of how much Smackdown rules? Smackdown's top two title matches were the last two on the card. The main events, if you will. Yes, the WWE title match went on BEFORE that lame Divas title match, which pretty much put everyone to sleep. Thankfully, Dolph Ziggler and Rey Mysterio fought it out for the Intercontinental title. And that...didn't wake us up?


Yes, for some reason this match never really got out of first gear. You'd figure it'd be better, but it pretty much just watched like this:

Quick Jericho! Now's the time to get the mask!

Oh well, at least someone had a hardon for this match.

LOL, Wresslin': for the ladies

And the final, big blow off, culture war for the World title between CM Punk and Jeff Hardy. Yes, bad guy role model for young children attempted to defend his title against good guy drug addict. It's a running gag on this site!

Just imagine Jeff Hardy is a dead horse.

Again, this match just never got going. It started late and ended early. It wasn't bad, just didn't feel like a big blow off to an epic drug war.


Still, the Philadelphia fans, who are forever known for the compassion and love of happy endings, were sent home happy when Jeff Hardy won the world title. And miraculously didn't lose it a minute later. So that's what's up. Another world champion on Smackdown!

And seriously, "a lifelong dream" does not count when it's your third world title reign, WWE.com interns.

"Would you like to here my impression of Heath Ledger's Joker?"

How soon until Jeff loses the title next? The path starts now! 8/7c, MyNetwork TV or hulu.com!

The way to be unemployed

It's sad to see one of your favorite performers let go. The WWE has cleaned house in recent months, even just now releasing a Laugh Twin favorite, The Brian Kendrick (well, one Laugh Twin favorite). So often, they disappear and are never heard from again, or they join TNA, which...same difference.

This has not been the case with dual Laugh Twin fav Ken Anderson, aka Mr. Kennedy. The bond of the Twins was strengthened with their shared love for the loud-talking, blonde haired dynamo that hails from Green Bay, Wisconsin. So we were genuinely sad to hear that he was released from his WWE contract, following a return from a lengthy injury, only to be injured again. Despite looking like this generation's Kevin Nash, we still were upset that he wouldn't be gracing a WWE ring again.

But he hasn't been silent. Saddled with a 90-day no-compete clause in his contract, Mr. Anderson has to sit at home and not participate in any professional wrestling activity until it runs out. Whereas others would simply shut themselves off for a while and relax out of the spotlight.

Ken Anderson decided to document his time off work with an on-going YouTube series, dubbed by the mark sites as "90 Days." How these have avoided our radar for so long is a mystery, other than the fact that we're constantly busy doing gentlemanly things with the gentleladies in our immediate proximity.

The Laugh Twins

These videos are a minute or two in length, and cover a variety of topics. At this point, there are seven of them, and for this post, we're picking a few that particularly tickled our fancy. Do yourself a favor and watch them all at your leisure.

"Episode III" chronicles Ken's time hanging around the house, and what's noteworthy is that it's not all that different from what we do around the LOL Cave (he's even playing Punch-Out on the Wii!) We imagine that if we had to spend three months off work, our life would exist pretty much exactly like this, and we'd 100-percent just about every video game we could get our hands on. The scene is completed by a couple of crumpled cans of Mountain Dew and Red Bull on the table, along with junk food and some sort of liquor. We're almost certain this was shot in our house.

We're no strangers to Twitter, and apparently neither is Big Ken. "Episode IV" is your standard Twitter-based humor, pointing out that people typically lead more interesting lives online than they do in real life. Of course, Mr. Anderson's mundane day is still miles cooler than ours, so he could just tweet about that and we'd be impressed. Who doesn't want to know about his bathroom conquests?

And "Episode VII" is the longest of the bunch, but that's not why we're picking it. Ken pokes a little fun at himself in this one, addressing his run-in with the WWE Health and Wellness policy. Also, those pants are pretty kickin'.

And we haven't had a shot of his junk on the site yet.

So we definitely suggest following this one! Maybe Kendrick will give us a window into his efficiency he shares with Billy Kidman!

W.W.W. featuring Voodoo Kin Mafia and Matt Cappotelli

On Wednesdays, we here at LOL, Wresslin' like to really pull out the stops and offer up a double shot of righteously killer content. Why Wednesday? Well, we could impress you with market research, work habit studies, and human psychology tendencies to show you there's a scientific reason the middle of the week is the best time to bring your A-game. However, truth be told, we don't have any of that stuff and settled on Wednesday because that was the only day that didn't have any content scheduled.

So, here you have "Watch Wresslin' Wednesdays." Please feel free to suggest a better title, because we are woefully uncreative when it comes to naming stuff.

Better at naming stuff than us.

The idea of W.W.W. is we each send the other a video that is related to wrestling (a match, promo, interview, guest starring spot, etc.). The only restriction is that it cannot be user-created, so your poorly constructed debate over the merits of the new DX ain't gonna fly here, pal. Neither of us know what kind of video we're going to get that day.

After viewing, we each write a response. This could be anything we choose: a straight commentary, a philosophical enlightenment, or classless ridicule. Just as we don't know what kind of video the other will select, neither do we know what the other will write or how they will write it. What you end up with is a mash-up of styles, which in our book equates to two-blogs-in-one, and we can take the rest of the day off.

Adam's video to Matt - V.K.M. in Stamford



Matt's response...

So let me get this straight, Voodoo Kin Mafia - you want to rid the wrestling world of dumb skits by way of a dumb skit?


Did I get that right? And also weren't you two in WWE and particpated in several of these skits yourselves?

Ok, ok, I get it. You've turned a new leaf and that's cool. I can respect that.

This, I can't.

Anyway, when it comes to wrestling, I'm pretty much a frontrunner. I only watch WWE, and even within that, I only watch Raw (I don't want to hear how Smackdown is doing some creative stuff these days, either. I have better things to do on Friday night.)


So my finger isn't neccessarily on the pulse of the wrestling world, and I don't really know much about what VKM does over at TNA, because I don't know what anyone does over at TNA (other than one of them ladies is gonna be in Playboy soon.) It's at these times I think we should consult the wrestling fans, i.e. the people who've commented on this YouTube video.

kentJones chimed in two years ago with "LMFAO," which means "laughing my flippin' arse off" in internet language. Seems like a good start. These guys might have something. I didn't LMFAO, but I chuckled. Close enough.

XScarredHeart picks up on the futility displayed in the video when he/she says "He's shouting at a machine. XD" That's so true, XSH. He is shouting at a machine, which is a silly, silly thing to do. And yet, I'm sure I've done it at some point too, making me feel ridiculous seeing my life mirrored in these two. And that little emoticon displaying bewildered exuberance? So true, too.

DisturbedEwok thinks: "I love these skits. Billy and Road Dogg piss all over DX"

Hmm, that's interesting you bring up DX, because I was just thinking about them. I wonder what made me do that. Was it the GPS thing? Nah...I don't remember them doing a skit with that. A Chevy Impala? Not really. Too gangsta for DX. Was it the suggestion they use a tank to invade the other company? I don't think it's that either.

Oh wait, it was.

Originality is TNA's strong suit, after all!


Matt's video to Adam- Matt Cappotelli talks about Bob Holly, Tough Enough, WWE, and more...

Here’s what I don’t get. There’s no way this video is current. Now granted, we don’t run current videos here, but this was uploaded back on Feb 22, 2009. Just a few months ago. Why? This isn’t worth remembering. Sure, it’s promoting something, but something that would have happened years ago. How do I know this? For a few reasons:

1) Matt Cappotelli is labeled as a WWE wrestler and Tough Enough winner. One’s true and one’s technically true. But Tough Enough hasn’t been around for about three years now. Plus, Cappotelli won this in 2003. So why is it still a relevant accomplishment? I bet most wrestling fans don’t even remember it.

2) Let’s go ahead and assume this is current. That this was filmed a few days before the posting date. Well then it’s a lie, because MATT CAPPOTELLI wasn’t a WWE wrestler at the time. He was released from his developmental contract on January 4^th, 2009.

3) Need more proof that this isn’t current? In 2007 he had a brain tumor, pretty much derailing his wrestling career. Now sure, it was successfully removed, and ostensibly, he could have resumed his career two years later, but it’s not the point!

Side note: Cappotelli was a bit of anti-Jeff Farmer because Hardcore Holly worked him a little stiff. So you know what I say about his brain tumor? This.

So yes, the description does state “fresh off his Tough Enough III” win, meaning this video is a bit older, but then I reiterate my point; Why was this posted recently?. It’s about an indy show in Rochester. Nothing remotely memorable.

Also, they interview the man about an interview he did on a radio show he’s a regular on.

About said interview: I know it’s radio, but why are you wearing gloves? Indoors in Rochester can’t be that cold. Still, it’s not all bad. There’s a delightful little minx in the background who is Rochester pretty. Also, we get to hear some great anecdotes about Matt’s favorite trainer and…zzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Oh, and Cappotelli is wearing a stupid Yahoo! logo shirt (further dating this thing). And has a really stupid hair cut. And speaks like a dullard. Honestly, if this was before 2007 I can totally see the tumor at work.

TnA for sure! Part deux.

A few months ago, WWE discontinued their association with Playboy magazine. This was due to Linda McMahon joining the Connecticut Board of Education. You know this. We (hilariously) wrote about this. Still, pervy wrestlewebz sites are all a flutter after this Tweet from TNA's Jeremey Borash.

A TNA Knockout has posed for Playboy.10:41 PM Jul 25th from TwitterFon

Now, we're obviously excited for this news. If theirs one thing we Twins love, it's naked ladies (right...)! Of course, one thing we love even more is a mystery! Who could this brave and sexy knockout be? There are too many to choose from! Thus, we've gone over every photo available of the TNA Knockouts, and we've evaluated their strong points and some of their weaker points. So put on your silk robes because we're playing Hef!

The Beautiful People


The clear cut, top of the list, #1 with a bullet for the majority of male TNA fans. All three of them would probably sell very well for Playboy. However, JB said "a Knockout." which makes us think that this triple team has been disqualified. But that doesn't mean any one of them couldn't have done it.

Angelina Love


Pros: Knockouts champion. Tall, tan, blond. Best body of the BP's.
Cons: Leathery skin. Heel character wouldn't do this for the fans. Could be interesting dynamic though where she yells at the fans for being perverts who "jerk off to her" or something.
Odds: 1/100

Velvet Sky


Pros: Great ass. Overall a very pretty girl. Probably shaves. Does not have intimidating, muscular body.
Cons: Heel character again. Trashy tattoos are not usually Playboy style, although could be easily airbrushed.
Odds: 1/75

Madison Rayne

Pros: Has the "girl next door" aesthetic that Playboy loves so much. Loves America as evidenced by above picture. A clear favorite of the LT's.
Cons: Buckteeth. Outdated hair style and coloring. Who?
Odds: 1/300

Christy Hemme

Note: Matt's favorite

Pros: No obvious physical flaws. Fiery red hair. Has been in Playboy before. Not in any particular storyline, which means this could be a good way to reintroduce her to television.
Cons: Once farted a pie.
Odds: 1/15

Awesome Kong


Pros: Bold choice. Would earn TNA loads of good publicity with women's groups.
Cons: Seriously?
Odds: 1/infinity.

Tara


Pros: One of the more noticeable faces in TNA, due to her time in WWE. In tremendous shape. Would love to see a knee brace in a Playboy spread.
Cons: Left WWE over the abundance of models in their women's division, so this does not seem like a career move she'd make. One of the more noticeable faces, if you catch our meaning.
Odds: 1/500

Raisha Sayid


Pros: Actually looks like this:
Cons: No one knows that. Character is an Islamic woman who wears a burka, so that would not go over well with Islamic groups.
Odds: 1/10,000

Sharmell


Pros: Beautiful woman. In the main stable of TNA, so good promotion for TNA.
Cons: Character is a bit stuck up, so it wouldn't jive. Real life wife of Booker T, so unsure how that conversation would go. Heel.
Odds: 1/8000

Jenna Morasca


Pros: Another beautiful woman. Has mainstream celebrity appeal (well, kinda). Previously posed for Playboy.
Cons: A woman from Survivor is not what people should think about when they think of "TNA."
Odds: 1/50

Taylor Wilde


Pros: Spunky face wrestler with large chest. Blond fits that Playboy aesthetic. On the show every week so this could be the start of a big push.
Cons: Has kind of a "retard hot" thing going on.
Odds: 1/250

ODB

Our sentiments exactly

Pros: Large chest. Could have a fun pictorial involving trailers
Cons: Large everything else.
Odds: 1/1000


So Cal Val


Pros: Has done enough of the type of modeling where at this point, it's really a matter of time to image her naked. A butt that won't quit.
Cons: BUTTER FACE
Odds: 1/10

Daffney

Note: Adam's favorite

Pros: Different look. Large chest. Could certainly clean up well.
Cons: Too many tattoos for Playboy. Heel.
Odds: 1/85

Traci Brooks

Pros: Large chest. Has done enough of the type of modeling where this isn't a stretch. Just returned to television to join "Main Even Mafia" so timing seems coincidental.
Cons: Man face. Awful boobjob with cleavage about a mile wide.
Odds: 1/2 (Playboy has done much worse)

Above: Much worse

Dixie Carter


Pros: Smart, sassy, and sexy as hell. MILF quality.
Cons: Not actually on TNA television.
Odds: Only in dreams.

So what do you fellas think? Who do you want to see? Did anyone actually know that Playboy is still published?

OH BABY, I like it Raw! Night of Champions!!

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

For a theme song to accompany this post, please press play and enjoy...



I would spend time recapping Raw, but really, there's no point. Nothing spectacular happened. ZZ Top hosted.

They're on tour or something...check Ticketmaster, you lazy shit.

So let's just proceed to Night of Champions! Where every belt is defended, meaning there's no crappy filler matches! (Unless you count the ECW championship, which I do. And the Tag Team Championship. And any belt on Smackdick)

Apparently WWE is not one to let suspense build, because right out of the gate, we find out who Jericho's mystery tag team partner is. This must be too good to keep under wraps!

Jericho grabbed the mic away from Lilian, because something this important can't be left to a female. Finally, after all this time, Jericho's partner is revealed to be....!

Can you say, "Letdown?"

Yes, the Big Show. Woo. Freaking. Hoo. Let me guess: Show is going to toss people around and then make someone tap out to the Camel Colossal Clutch.


Needless to say Jericho and Big Show are still (and the new) Tag Team Champions. They were interviewed backstage, and Jericho said they were going to be the most dominant tag team in the history of the company. Show said their team consisted of strength, size, agility and intelligence. Let me guess which ones you are.


Next, we have every under-carder ever fighting for the U.S. Title.

Seriously. All of them.

Of course, there was intense action and drama...

Don't...you...die...on...me...

The big question in this match were the Brothers Colon. How would they co-exist? Would they even focus on anyone else? They made a weak truce, but seeing as how this match is for a singles title, they can't both win. So, naturally, this happened:


But this foolish sibling rivalry would cost them, as Kofi would swoop in and take the win!


Raw's big title match is next on the recap, with a Triple Threat for the WWE Title involving Triple H, John Cena and Randy Orton. Smackdown can't even come close to matching this caliber of a match! They only have two people wrestling for their title, and one's a druggie. This one should be amazing!

Chicken fight!

So at first, both Mr. Cena and Hunter focused on Randy Orton. It was like anti-Christmas rules: always go after the biggest package first. But eventually, these two titans would be left to face each other, and what happened then?

I hope that surprised zero people.

They fought in the ring, they fought out of the ring. And then this happened...


Yes, Orton tapped out to that monstrosity of a submission move. However, since it was applied by two men, the ref didn't know who to call the match for. And then things just went to crap, as Legacy busted in and exploited the "No DQ in a Triple Threat" rule (why people don't do that all the time is beyond me). Orton would eventually RKO Mr. Cena for the win, remaining your WWE Champion.

I swear the belt is supposed to be there somewhere.

Finally, the last Raw match on the card was the Diva's Title match. Mickie won. Let's move on.

Tonight, Raw will be hosted by Shaquille O'Neal. If there's one twitter you should be following, well, it should be ours. But if there's two you should be following, it's ours and Shaq's. This should be fun. Tune in at 9/8c on USA!