Camera Angle

We may rip on TNA a bit around here, but it's all in good fun. There's actually a few good things about the nation's other wrestling promotion, one of them being the amount of downtime provided to the wrestlers between TV shoots. It's one of the big draws for former WWE stars who were fed up with the constant life on the road.

So what do these grapplers do with that free time? If you're Kurt Angle, you follow the path tread before you by Hulk Hogan, Roddy Piper, The Rock, Stone Cold Steve Austin, and, most recently, John Cena - you shoot a movie! But Angle is a gold medal winner, and he's not content to just make one movie. No, if he's going to do it, he's going to give it his all.

You dont here by doing things half-assed.

He's already finished shooting one, and is now attached to no less than three others! The man isn't just a wrestling machine, he's an acting machine as well.


The Laugh Twins aren't just wrestling fans; we're fans of the cinema as well. Cultured, we know. You don't have to tell us. So let's take a look at what we can expect to see from the American Hero.

First is his already finished flim, End Game. Angle cuts his acting chops quickly with this one, already landing the lead in his first outing. He plays Brad Mayfield, a serial killer, who appears to stalk only hot chicks. But hey, if we were serial killers, who says we wouldn't do the same?


Of course, being the movies, this film seems to be full so "just so happens" coincidences. Like the fact that the second lead, former Survivor and current TNA talent Jenna Morasca, just so happens to be Angle's love interest, and just so happens to be a stripper, and just so happened to live with a victim of Angle's insatiable murderous appetite. Also, Angle's character Mayfield just so happens to be quite good at blending into society, and just so happens to be able to pose as a detective in order to destroy evidence and toy with the police. The lead detective just so happens to have a marriage that's on the rocks because he just so happens to want to hook up with previously introduced stripper and just so happens to have a daughter who has "special needs," whatever that might entail, all of which just so happen to be Angle's next target.

Sound interesting? Well, we'll save you some time and direct you over to the website of the production company, North Shore Pictures, which includes a plot synopsis which pretty much spells out the entire movie. So read it - even the book doesn't sound better in this case. Or just watch the trailer. That's good enough.

Maybe think about getting a music loop longer than five seconds for your next trailer.

Also, on the movie's IMDB page, of the fifteen actors listed, only one of them has a picture attached to their name. Grade-A talent, to be sure. I always wanted to see another outing by John W. Iwanonkiw.

No, you don't belong there.

Ok ok, we can't expect the first major role to be that great. Was The Scorpion King all that entertaining? What about The Condemned? And The Marine, was that better than we thought it would be?

Actually yes, yes they all were. Nevermind.

So what about his upcoming movies? Surely there's something worthwhile in there. He's making three more; not every one of them can be bad, can they?

Well, judge for yourself. Angle reteams with North Shore Pictures for River of Darkness. Absolutely nothing is known about this movie, other than it's in English and is being filmed in color. Though, based off the title, it's sure to be DARK. There is a book by the same title which is a murder mystery set in 1920's England. We can only hope these are the same.


Next, he's filming Dead of Night, a supernatural thriller set in New Orleans. Allow us to show you our search results...

Yeah, that one.

Kurt will play Wolfgang, a werewolf. Yes, a werewolf named Wolfgang. Kurt is portraying a walking pun. And seriously man, a werewolf??

Too far for a joke?

The lead character is Dylan Dog, brought to life by none other than Superman himself, Brandon Routh. Dog is described as an investigator "who seeks out the monsters of the Louisiana bayou in his signature red shirt, black jacket, and blue jeans." Red shirt? Blue pants? Wait a minute...


Finally, we have the interestingly titled The Land of the Astronauts. Lucky for Kurt, this time that's apparently the only movie with that title, though you can't convince us that there wasn't one made in 1956. We just can't find it. So what is this one about? A interstellar, sci-fi drama? A space adventure? An otherworldly horror film? All sound great to us! Let's check the plot summary:

A psychological drama that tells the story of a man trying to rebuild his world. Once Jack McKenzie, former hotshot screenwriter, takes on the demeaning job as a limo driver to support his family, he starts to lose control of the one thing he values most... his mind. In trying to keep his wife happy and his sanity intact, Jack must battle alcoholism, haunted spirits and delusions before something or someone cracks under the pressure.

Huh?? What in the bloody fudge does that have to do with astronauts?? Here we were thinking it was going to be something totally awesome.

Something like this.

There's only one word to sum The Land of the Astronauts up...


What is Kurt's role in this one? He plays a guy named Hitch.

No.

Alright, so maybe we overshot a bit hoping to catch these at the cineplex down the street. We'd be lucky to find a single copy at a Blockbuster. But if you're lucky enough to see any of these, give us a shout! We're pretty sure we'd rather watch TNA, and that's sad.