R U READY TO DOWN SOME SMACK??? vol. 12

SEASON'S BEATINGS!

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

Twas' the day after Christmas, and Adam does not have the energy to put into a Smackdown recap. Let's just get this done.

The second best thing to hit Baltimore after The Wire was Smackdown last week, and why not since it was a helluva a show! We all remember how Jeff Hardy finally got his shit clean for twenty minutes and was able to finally win the WWE title. So what better way then to have a celebration of Scarface like proportions.

Push it to the limit

Of course, there's no rest for those who stay up on four day benders, but more on that later.



The build to the Royal Rumble started out with not one, but two different tag team title feuds! And what better way to do that then with singles matches!? Whhhaaaaa?? I know, it doesn't make sense either. Well, the Colon Bros. are going to be defending their WWE Tag Titles any day now against The Brian Kendrick and his black man servant, Ezekiel "Action" Jackson. That's because ole Zeke beat up a much smaller Puerto Rican, so rather then be arrested for a hate crime and be lambasted in the NY Post, him and his friend prosper. Well, I guess Earth-53 mirrors Earth-Prime sometimes....

I am of course referring to The Rock Bottom, you numbskull.

Also, Jesse and Festus are feuding with new World Tag Team champs, John "I'm not fat like Val Kilmer" Morrison, and The "I really should be feuding with Jeff Hardy" Miz. Here's one thing I fail to understand. I know Morrison and the Miz are on the ECW roster, which means they are free to appear on any show due to the ECW talent exchange that was negotiated between ECW General Manager Teddy Long and the respective managements of the other remaining WWE brands. So Morrison and Miz are allowed to compete against Raw talents, and rightfully have a shot at the previous World Tag champs, CM Punk and Kofi Kingston. Now, they happened to win those titles. Great. But wouldn't that then make them part of the Raw roster? Or at the very least, preclude them from defending those titles against Smackdown competition? Sure, they have yet to actually run a title match with J&F, but it's coming. You can't give a big palooka like Festus a Wet Willy and not expect payback. I mean really, come on.



Anyway, Morrison beat Festus.

This shot must smell so bad.

Also, Maryse beat up Maria, because Maria is dumb or something. Maryse is the #1 contender for Michelle McCool's Divas' title tonight. I'll only show you the stand off, because the horrifying details of how we got to this point are too grim for me to display. I abhor violence in all it's forms, after all.

Good Lord am I so depressingly lonely. I'm going to be spending my New Year's Eve staring in the mirror and screaming "You failure!" for three hours.

Finally, Jeff Hardy does not defend his title in a match against Vlad Kozlov! Speed vs power! Agility vs less agility! Currently disgraced nation vs formerly disgrace nation! Let's do this!

Basically this match went like every match. Jeff was holding his own and was doing very well against the much bigger Kozlov. Kozlov would dominate the offense when he was on it, very nearly pinning Jeff numerous times. Thankfully, the crowd was solidly behind Daryl Strawberry, as they would never allow him to give in. Finally, just when it looked like Jeff would eek it out and pin the Moscow Mauler for THE FIRST TIME EVER((!!!), that dastardly Edge interferes! Golly, he must be awful sore about losing his title the other day.



But then, the King of Kings descended from the gorilla position to save Corey Feldman! All is right in the Kingdom of Smack!

Odds and evens; heh, I get it.

Whatever doesn't kill you only makes you...stranger.

What Christmas miracles await us tonight behind that Smackdown door? My sources tell me there are a bunch of title matches in store. Better watch and see! 8/7c, MyNetworkTV!