W.W.W. featuring Steve Austin and Slick

On Wednesdays, we here at LOL, Wresslin' like to really pull out the stops and offer up a double shot of righteously killer content. Why Wednesday? Well, we could impress you with market research, work habit studies, and human psychology tendencies to show you there's a scientific reason the middle of the week is the best time to bring your A-game. However, truth be told, we don't have any of that stuff and settled on Wednesday because that was the only day that didn't have any content scheduled.

So, here you have "Watch Wresslin' Wednesdays." Please feel free to suggest a better title, because we are woefully uncreative when it comes to naming stuff.

Better at naming stuff than us

The idea of W.W.W. is we each send the other a video that is related to wrestling (a match, promo, interview, guest starring spot, etc.). The only restriction is that it cannot be user-created, so your roundtable discussion of you and your nobody friends a'int going to fly here, pal. Neither of us know what kind of video we're going to get that day.

After viewing, we each write a response. This could be anything we choose: a straight commentary, a philosophical enlightenment, or classless ridicule. Just as we don't know what kind of video the other will select, neither do we know what the other will write or how they will write it. What you end up with is a mash-up of styles, which in our book equates to two-blogs-in-one, and we can take the rest of the day off.

Matt's video to Adam- Steve Austin ECW Shoot Promo



Adam's response...

Here's the inherent problem with shoot interviews: once the business is exposed, it's nearly impossible to bring back any semblance of wrestling logic to the proceedings. Take for example, this promo. Some surfer dude named Steve Austin has a live microphone in his hand, and decides to talk about his time working in WCW. He explains all these ideas he has to be a main eventer, and then in an accurate Dusty Rhodes impression, explains why that was never meant to be. Ok, even though he goes into some specifics, it could still be ok to assume that the wrestling commissions need to approve matches. But then he goes into explaining how he needs to make Buff Bagwell look good (as if the American Males wasn't enough), or to give "seven minuntes" to Alex Wright.

Basically, Austin pulled back the curtain and said "wrestling's fake, LOLZ!"

Of course, everything should now fall apart. WCW was fake, but somehow succeeding in ECW is real? Not likely. However, this promo is what makes Steve Austin brilliant.

He never mentioned winning matches and titles once.

All he claims is that he was held back from realizing his potential. From being the biggest superstar in the history of the industry (...well when you're right you're right.) Sure, he gets across some angles and becomes a little more of a heel by crapping on the bingo hall, but for the most part, this interview is pure shoot.

Still, I don't see this being a prelude to Stone Cold Steve Austin. Sure, he speaks his mind, but there's none of the volume and over-the-topness that Stone Cold had. Which actually makes me dislike Stone Cold a little more. How awesome would a cold, calculating, serious Stone Cold have been? I know it's hard to say that almost anything involving Stone Cold is a failure (except this), so I'm not saying the WWF did wrong. I just think another dimension to the character could have been cool.

Of course, the one downfall of their being an awesome segment on WWW is that there are no jokes to be had. Except for one. Long, blond hair does not suit you Steve. Good idea to shave it off.

That outfit doesn't help either, Steve.

Adam's video to Matt - Jive Soul Bro music video



Matt's response...

I fully believe that WWF's album Piledriver could be fodder for this column until the end of time and beyond. Such a perfect union of 80's wrestling personas and terrible music can't be ignored or stopped. Just look at the album cover and see if that doesn't tell you everything you need to know...

The greatest music, all at your fingertips.

Sadly, the album has never made it to CD, and the videos have only ever been released on VHS, so YouTube is about the only way we really get to enjoy this fine production these days. All the better for us, I say.

How do you even go about commenting on this video? I suppose I could say what user "ne0nsurf" said:

slick, the only black person I actually like

See? He's not racist. He likes at least one.

But really, what better to do than break down the claims of our subject, Ken "Slick" Johnson, resident of Fort Worth, Texas. This Jive Soul Bro follows all the guidelines of a truly good heel manager: be as bombastic as possible and not back it up whatsoever.

In this instance, Slick says he can "dance and sing better than anyone." Let's put that to the test, shall we? I've gone through this video second-by-second and found four different dance moves in his arsenal.

#1 - The Foot Step


This is used in a variety of manners, but typically consists of simply lifting one foot, and then lifting the other. Could be confused with "kicking."

#2 - The Hand Crank


Imagine having to pedal a bicycle with your hands. You get the picture. Can be performed with or without a cane.

#3 - Walking


Combines the Foot Step with forward motion. Honestly, it's walking. Do I really need to explain this?

#4 - The Jumping Over a Kid on a Big Wheel

Nice screenshot, shitdick.

Alright, I'll admit, this one is pretty advanced. Good moves.

Now, for the singing. Well...


Imagine anything musical coming out of that.