We put the LOL in wrestling (if you add an "O" and another "L", we guess.)
Here you will be invited into the world of two working, college educated gentlemen who happen to love the world of professional wrestling, but love to ridicule things even more.
Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.
Ok, so we pretty much recapped all of the Rumble the other day. No need to make hilarious recaps since it's all there already! Still, here are a few of my Rumble observations.
He's bit of getting on the mic after every elimination was brilliant. It's a shame that there were only 90 second intervals rather then the full two minutes because parts of it felt rushed. It's also a shame that he got eliminated as early as he did. I'm not saying he should have won (well, not specifically), I'm not even saying the mic bit needed to last all night. But it seemed that as soon as HHH came out he was eliminated. In fact... A lot of people were eliminated quickly this year.
We didn't really get a marathon man as has become custom with the Rumble. Again, I nominate CM Punk for this role. Or at least Ted Dibiase. Alas, no one really got time to hang out. One group who got no time:
And finally...
That's about it. Be sure to watch all the fallout tonight at 8/7c on MyNetwork TV. Or do it like me and watch it some other time on hulu.com!
Yes, you see the Devils recently acquired IllyaKovalchuk, only one of the most dynamic scorers in all of the NHL. They NEVER make moves like this! It's so exciting! The deal was amazing too!
They got Kovalchuk, the man who has scored the most goals since 2001, for JhonnyOduya, Nicolas Bergfors, Patrice Cormier, and a first rounder? The Devils also got a serviceable D-Man back as well? What a fleecing! Oduya is a good enough NHL defenseman, but he's over payed and has played ass this year. And of course, Paul Martin is due back soon, so any problems with Oduya's departure will quickly be rectified. Bergfors is a nice enough rookie, but he's slumped the last few months, and he's one of those rookies who should have made the team two years ago. Consider me skeptical of his long-term success. Cormier is another good prospect (he captained Team Canada at the World Juniors this year), but I wouldn't say he'd ever be better than a third line center. He's also suspended for the remainder of the season for nearly killing a guy on the ice. We'll see how he bounces back.
So yea, all that garbage for ILYAKOVALCHUK!?! You can understand why I have to watch the game.
Oh interns at devils.nhl.com...I love you
Oh wait, why can't I watch Smackdown on my DVR replay like I usually do? Because there's also a 2 hour Smallville event title "Absolute Justice" tonight! The friggin' JSA! Hourman! Dr. Fate! Atom Smasher! All in live action, Smallville glory! I can't miss that either. Take a seat, Smackdown.
You can watch the Devils host the Toronto Maple Leafs at 7 o'clock on MSG + and Smallville at 8/7c on The CW! OR NEVER AGAIN BECAUSE THESE ARE ONE TIME ONLY EVENTS!
For a theme song to accompany this post please press play and enjoy...
The Attitude era can officially come to a close; ECW is finally dead. Yes, the little promotion that could is on its final legs, as in three weeks time, the Land of Extreme will finally close up shop. We for one, can't wait.
Brief history lesson: ECW started in the early 1990's out of Philadelphia, PA. They mostly ran out of bingo halls. They produced a few stars (like Rob Van Dam, Lance Storm, and "That 70's Guy/Fat Chick Thriller" Mike Awesome), but mostly disgusted any sane person with their antics. There was cursing, blood, violence against women, and sexuality rampant through their shows. You could usually only see it at 3 am on the MSG Network in New York. However, TNN eventually gave it a TV time slot as a lead in for their popular Slamball and Rollerjam sports series. It was soon canceled and Monday Night Raw took over.
As part of the deal to get Raw on TNN, ECW producer Paul Heyman became the newcolor commentator next to Jim Ross. ECW remained dormant until one fateful day insummer of 2001 when Shane McMahon's WCW merged with ECW (now owned by Stephanie McMahon-Helmsly) to create an Alliance to rival the WWF!
They then put their company stock on the line at the Survivor Series and lost.
ECW would be forgotten until 2005 when a bunch of old timers had a bake sale or something, and ran the One Night Stand pay-per-view. The show did a decent enough buy-rate, but WWE Producer Kevin Dunn rightfully hated the show. The highlights of the show were when Joey Styles said live on-air that he hoped Mike Awesome's dive to the outside "killed him" (Awesome would commit suicide soon after) and when JBL legitimately beat up the Blue Meanie. Fast forward a year and Rob Van Dam's title win over John Cena relaunched an ECW television series on Sci-Fi.
The show stunk. Hard.
The same old ECW shenanigans started up again as The Sandman beat up The Zombie and Balls Mahony hosted some strip poker segment that was so boring the Laugh Twins were only able to masturbate to it twice. The Miz became the The Miz there and Chris Benoit murdered his wife and son and committed suicide (clearly an ECW tradition) because he was drafted to ECW.
On the plus side, both CM Punk and Mark Henry became awesome while in ECW. Also, Christian is there and he rules.
ECW is also responsible for giving us the following talents with their "New Superstar Initiative": Jack Swagger, Abraham Washington, Tommy Dreamer, Tyler Reks, Evan Bourne, and DJ Gabriel.
Still, the luster of these "stars" was not enough to sustain this little promotion. Fact is, people don't watch minor league baseball.
That is to say, until now. What pray tell is replacing ECW? Why WWE Next Generation, or NXT for short! This is awesome! The stars of the future...today! What kind of set will this show have? Will Josh Mathews be there? Will the NXT also have that cool razor blade logo?
We think WWE.com summed up our feelings exactly with a little poll buried over at their ECWsubpage.
What do you think about Mr. McMahon announcing the end of ECW?
1) This is great! Mr. McMahon promises us the next evolution of WWE in its place!
2) I'm disappointed but excited to see what will replace ECW.
3) I'm not sure. This raises more questions than it answers.
On Wednesdays, we here at LOL, Wresslin' like to really pull out the stops and offer up a double shot of righteously killer content. Why Wednesday? Well, we could impress you with market research, work habit studies, and human psychology tendencies to show you there's a scientific reason the middle of the week is the best time to bring your A-game. However, truth be told, we don't have any of that stuff and settled on Wednesday because that was the only day that didn't have any content scheduled.
So, here you have "Watch Wresslin' Wednesdays," the ORIGINAL wrestling-themed, YouTube video comedic co-commentary. Please feel free to suggest a better title, because we are woefully uncreative when it comes to naming stuff.
Better at naming stuff than us.
The idea of W.W.W. is we each send the other a video that is related to wrestling (a match, promo, interview, guest starring spot, etc.). The only restriction is that it cannot be user-created, so your tribute to dead wrestlers (that's most of YouTube, we think) ain't going to fly here, pal. Neither of us know what kind of video we're going to get that day.
After viewing, we each write a response. This could be anything we choose: a straight commentary, a philosophical enlightenment, or classless ridicule. Just as we don't know what kind of video the other will select, neither do we know what the other will write or how they will write it. What you end up with is a mash-up of styles, which in our book equates to two-blogs-in-one, and we can take the rest of the day off.
Matt's video to Adam- Kane vs X (sic) Pac Promo
Adam's response
Wrestling gets a lot of flack lately for going too far into the past. WWE brought back Bret Hart, TNA is just the old NWO and WWE midcarders who never did anything about get injured and kiss boys (and Ric Flair.) Still, sometimes the past isn't always as rosy as we remember it. The last "golden age of wrestling" had its fair share of past ripoffs. Much like this Kane/X-Pac feud from 2000.
Sure, it's the typical "friend turns on other friend by stealing his woman" story. That's a wrestling foundation and by no means is that a rip off. No, what is the ripoff is the basic idea behind the story. And as is clear, this entire story is just Harry and the Hendersons.
It's actually obvious, really
Let's see. Monster (Kane) finds family (DX) who want to exploit him, but eventually learn to love him? Yea, I saw this before in a John Lithgow masterpiece not named Footloose. Try again, WWE writers.
Of course, the main reason Matt sent me this video is to have me rip on X-Pac. So I'm going to just show you the silliest things this drug addict did here.
1) Overalls
2) Taking the female position in a kiss
Of course, that last one really just foreshadowed to another classic film.
Is this what Tori meant when she said "X-Pac in one word? Gentleman"?
Adam's video to Matt - Jake Roberts interview
Matt's response...
This has got to go down in history as the most uncomfortable interview set ever. The three look like they're wedged into the bench seat of a 1981 Chevrolet truck, with Paul Ellering somehow riding in the bed, poking his head through the back window. I don't know, that's kind of where my analogy breaks down...just like an old truck! Anyway, my point is it's ridiculously cramped on set. I know I've said this numerous times on all sorts of different occasions, but I still feel justified suggesting they just kiss and get it over with already.
Except for Bill Apter. He's totally straight.
I'd like to send a letter to that address at the end, just to see what happens. In fact, we should do that, as a little prank from the LOLiverse. Ask a question pertinent to 1984 as well, such as the ramifications of Vince McMahon buying Georgia Championship Wrestling from the Briscos, or maybe how we think this new kid Scott Hall is going to be a real straight shooter. Maybe they'll think it got lost in the mail or something. That would be a cute prank. Also, include some anthrax.
Kimonos are not used enough in wrestling these days. Is that not a manly thing to wear? Precious Paul sure seems to pull it off. I wouldn't mess with the dude. He just stands there, wearing his kimono and working on a crossword or something. That's tough. So I'd like to see more of that. At least make the divas have a geisha match or something. Slutty geishas, of course.
Let's fact check Jake here for a second: he guarantees that he will be the TV champion again. Wanna guess how that turned out? He didn't get it. Now, he would go to WCCW and win their TV title, but that's not really the same thing. However, I guess he's techincally correct. Checkmate, Snake.
Interesting note about the match their talking about: Ronny Garvin wanted to challenge Jake for that TV title, but the Snake wouldn't budge, probably because he knew he was supposed to lose it. So Garvin had to mortgage his house to pay Jake enought money to get him to take the match. I like that. These days, guys are just handed title matches like it's nothing. Sure they win a little bit or something to get there, but they really don't put a whole lot on the line. Garvin could have been homeless if this whole thing didn't work out. I think that's a pretty good story.
The ironic thing is now Jake's the one that's pretty much homeless.
He does drugs, is incoherent, and shows his penis to strangers...that's homeless.
Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.
For a theme song to accompany this post, please press play and enjoy...
Well, I'm back from my first annual late-January blogging break! Missed me? Of course you did. I'd say that was a stupid question, but we all know there's no such thing as a stupid question, unless you're the one asking.
Like this one: "Matt, are you going to provide a 10,000 word recap of the Raw happenings during the Royal Rumble pay-per-vew?" Yes, that is a stupid question, because I absolutely will not. We already did that during our special live blog/team-building experiment with fellow blogger (or bloggette?) Ray from Wrestlegasm. Consequently, I will not be giving you a blow by blow account of what happened. That's what YouTube and people who don't give a shit about copyrights are for.
However, a couple of important team squabbles went down that should be mentioned. First is DX. You see, both were in the 30-man Royal Rumble match, and both had aspirations of getting a Wrestlemania title shot. Triple H because, well, he's Triple H, and Shawn Michaels because that's the only way he thinks he can get a rematch with the Undertaker. A little backstage vignette showed us that there could be trouble if Trips and HBK were left unattended in the ring together, since they both made it clear they would be looking out for number one, just like every other tag team that's ever participated in the Rumble since the beginning of ever.
Fast forward to the match, and even though there are other people in the ring for him to fight, the Heart Break Kid went ahead and proved he was a man of his word.
Expect some smushing together of foreheads over this.
In our other Raw news, there was some speculation leading up to the WWE Title match as to whether Legacy would have Randy Orton's back when he went up against Sheamus. During the match, Cody tried to prove he's a team player by smacking the champ around. However, since the Code is severely lacking in ninja skills, he was spotted.
This is also your Cody Rhodes photoshop contest.
Of course, this led to a win for Sheamus by DQ. Randy wasn't happy with Cody, and he expressed his discontent with his fists. Henchmodel Teddy ran down to cool the situation with more yelling, and he got smacked around for his efforts as well. So it looks as if Legacy is more like History as of last night.
Alright, that's the stuff you need to know to be caught up for tonight at 9/8c on USA! Unless of course you're watching 24, in which case, GO JACK!
Sorry for the lack of updates lately. We were all set to get back on track when my internet decided to break. Couldn't update the blog with dick jokes. Now it seems redundant.
Regardless, we've been pimping this for a while, but please check out the site (or wrestlegasm.com) for our co-live blog of the Royal Rumble! It'll be epic.
A bit of site news first: The Laugh Twins will have their first ever live blog with our sometimes guest blogger, always inferior (or is it inferiour) Ray from Wrestlegasm. Join us as we share LOLs about the Royal Rumble this Sunday!
The Laugh Twins have never been one to fantasy book, even though we've done it quite a bit on the site. It's not one of the things we set out to do, though. Things just sometimes come up that make us think, "What if so-and-so did this?" or "What if what's-his-nuts showed up?"
That's what we thought this week as WWE cross-promoted USA television show "Psych" by having star Dule Hill guest host Raw. John Cena also made a guest appearance on "Psych." This made us wonder why other USA television stars couldn't also guest host Raw.
Now before you say, "Who wants to see Tony Shalhoub or those two Jewish guys from 'Royal Pains' host Raw?", we'll just tell you that we're not talking about those guys. No, no, no. We're talking about someone with a little more starpower. Someone with a little more swagger. Someone who's name is...Bruce.
Bruce Campbell should guest host Raw.
Why would we want Mr. Campbell to host Raw, you ask? (Alright, we're sure you didn't ask that, because we all know why, but just play along, ok?) Here's just a few of his many credentials...
1) He's on a hit TV show The least important to us, but to most of America, this will mean something. "Burn Notice" is one of the most successful shows on cable television [citation needed], and with Mr. Campbell playing the comedic supporting character, he's instantly recognizable to anyone who's watched anything on USA other than Raw.
2) He's a big-time movie star Mr. Campbell has been in several well-known movies and has a huge cult following. For those fans of his that don't watch wrestling, this would be a great opportunity to catch Mr. Campbell in a live television format, which would certainly draw new viewers. As for those of us who already watch wrestling? Well, that brings us to...
3) He's popular with the wrestling crowd In his autobiography, Mr. Campbell reprints an email from a fan that says he saw a "Bruce Campbell is God" sign at a wrestling event, and that's something that happened more than once. The young male crowd that frequents wrestling also has a more-than-passing knowledge of Mr. Campbell's films. He's also portrayed a wrestling announcer in his career, sharing the screen with former WWE superstar "Macho Man" Randy Savage, which may actually be a point against him.
4) It's a chance to cross-promote Like we said, "Burn Notice" is a very popular show on USA, so why not swing a guest spot for one of the superstars. Perhaps the Legacy could be some male models with ties to the seedy Miami underbelly (we just wanted to think about some Legacy belly) Or maybe Triple H and Shawn Michaels could play a couple of bumbling private eyes that need some help. Perhaps the Undertaker could be a some sort of warlock that terrorizes the beach bunnies. Honestly, these things just write themselves.
On Wednesdays, we here at LOL, Wresslin' like to really pull out the stops and offer up a double shot of righteously killer content. Why Wednesday? Well, we could impress you with market research, work habit studies, and human psychology tendencies to show you there's a scientific reason the middle of the week is the best time to bring your A-game. However, truth be told, we don't have any of that stuff and settled on Wednesday because that was the only day that didn't have any content scheduled.
So, here you have "Watch Wresslin' Wednesdays," the ORIGINAL wrestling-themed, YouTube video comedic co-commentary. Please feel free to suggest a better title, because we are woefully uncreative when it comes to naming stuff.
Better at naming stuff than us.
The idea of W.W.W. is we each send the other a video that is related to wrestling (a match, promo, interview, guest starring spot, etc.). The only restriction is that it cannot be user-created, so your music video of Hacksaw Jim Duggan clips set to Hank Williams, Jr. ain't going to fly here, pal. Neither of us know what kind of video we're going to get that day.
After viewing, we each write a response. This could be anything we choose: a straight commentary, a philosophical enlightenment, or classless ridicule. Just as we don't know what kind of video the other will select, neither do we know what the other will write or how they will write it. What you end up with is a mash-up of styles, which in our book equates to two-blogs-in-one, and we can take the rest of the day off.
Adam's video to Matt - Tank Abbott displays his singing talent
Matt's response...
It's not often I give props to someone who posts something to YouTube. Occasionally, however, someone isn't so much concerned with putting themselves over by slapping their name all over the video, and would rather add to the piece with a bit of commentary of their own. You see, this is what we do, and I think more people should do what we do (but write your own stuff! I'm looking at you, other wrestling blogs.)
So chriscfgb (or is it crisiscfgb?! I can't tell!) decides that rather than promoting his YouTube page, where he's posted other copyrighted material, he'll just toss up a quick aside in the video description box, such as...
And nipples!
Perfect. Wonderful joke. It's a carry-over from the video's title, and it blatantly points out something we all noticed but didn't want to really acknowledge.
When you were in high school, did they ever have teacher talent shows? If they did, you know exactly where I'm going. If not, it was a good excuse to sit in the auditorium or gym for an hour instead of going to class, and you'd laugh occasionally. There was the obligatory rock band, and the "hot" teachers trying to reclaim some of their youth by dressing like cheerleaders and doing a skit.
And then you'd have the coaches, which would almost always dress in drag because, well, it's funny when fat guys dress like women.
Proof.
This is also accompanied by some awful dance routine, which even though it looks as if it were choreographed by a four-year-old, they still can't do it right because they only practiced it once. That's how a feel about WCW: they're a high school teacher talent show.
Now I may sound like a bad sport, like I don't want to see any fun bits on wrestling, but that's not true. I'm a big fan of comedy in my wrestling shows, and I love the silly bits, when they're done well. What I don't want is someone going out there and half-assing it. If you're going to go out there to sing and dance, I won't hold it against you that you can't sing well, but at least get your routine together. Have a little pride in yourself.
I think this is my problem with wrestling in general right now. It feels so much like they're just going through the motions without really thinking about what they're doing. WWE bringing back Bret Hart...what was the point? It was a neat moment with he and Shawn in the ring, but what did they do beyond that? They just went through the motions: Bret is bitter, Vince is an a-hole, and scene. And on the same night, what did TNA do? Brought out the carcass of Hulk Hogan so he and his cronies can do the same old crap they did ten years ago, only now they all look about 25 years older. Everyone seems to be going out to the ring with a rough idea of what they want to do, and in the end they just fall into the usual routine.
Ugh, I hate getting serious about wrestling...how about those nipples?!
Matt's video to Adam- Raw After the Bell: Mickie James and Hacksaw Jim Duggan stopped by IRS
Adam's response...
First off, I feel the need to apologize to all our readers for the recent inactivity. Certain real world obligations have gotten in the way, all of which took precedence of dick jokes. We'll try to be better. To make it up to you kiddos, we're doing our first ever interactive live blog. It'll be this Sunday for the Royal Rumble. Also, Ray over at Wrestlegasm baked us cookies, so she'll be there too!
Anyway, for the second week in a row, the star of my video is an unlikely source. Yes, IRS steals the show again. And it's for the most understated of all reasons. Namely, why was he even there in the first place?
I know the real world reason. Mike Rotunda (and looking at him, he's rather aptly named, lulz) is an agent for WWE. Why not have him throw on a tie and suspenders and do a little cameo for a video segment that no one will ever see? It's a fun Easter egg. But story wise, why is he there? Granted, I have no seen the preceding, nor proceeding chapters of this serial, but shouldn't every chapter make sense on their own?
I guess I just love the idea of the old characters just hanging out backstage. It's weird. Characters like Duke "The Dumpster" Drose or the Repoman are dumb. Who would ever believe that a garbage man in his spare time wrestles? Yet, it makes me happy thinking that Duke was just the in-house garbage man who got some ringtime whenever. He's still there emptying the trash. Still, what is IRS doing here? As a government worker he would not be employed by WWE. Also, he clearly would not be doing any tax work for the government on WWE, because it's a conflict of interests; he was a tag champ for a period of time. Maybe he retired from government work and is now a private accountant/financial consultant for WWE? There are so many unanswered questions.
Which I suppose is what makes a great serial. Why were Mickie James and Hacksaw Duggan stealing tee-shirts? Couldn't they just get some from the corporate office? They do know that Earl Hebner was fired for the same thing, right? And he wasn't even videotaped! And why would IRS be mad at them for stealing? He's not a lawman. It's possible he has strong ethics, but a lifetime of heel deeds would lead me to believe otherwise.
Also, I should note that in the vein of all great femme fatales, Mickie used a subtle hint of her sexuality to achieve her goals. Very noir.
Oh well, I better come back to the nickelodeon next week and find out what adventures await our heroes!
On Wednesdays, we here at LOL, Wresslin' like to really pull out the stops and offer up a double shot of righteously killer content. Why Wednesday? Well, we could impress you with market research, work habit studies, and human psychology tendencies to show you there's a scientific reason the middle of the week is the best time to bring your A-game. However, truth be told, we don't have any of that stuff and settled on Wednesday because that was the only day that didn't have any content scheduled.
So, here you have "Watch Wresslin' Wednesdays," the ORIGINAL wrestling-themed, YouTube video comedic co-commentary. Please feel free to suggest a better title, because we are woefully uncreative when it comes to naming stuff.
Better at naming stuff than us. The idea of W.W.W. is we each send the other a video that is related to wrestling (a match, promo, interview, guest starring spot, etc.). The only restriction is that it cannot be user-created, so your custom Bret Favre titantron isn't going to fly here, pal. Neither of us know what kind of video we're going to get that day.
After viewing, we each write a response. This could be anything we choose: a straight commentary, a philosophical enlightenment, or classless ridicule. Just as we don't know what kind of video the other will select, neither do we know what the other will write or how they will write it. What you end up with is a mash-up of styles, which in our book equates to two-blogs-in-one, and we can take the rest of the day off.
Matt's video to Adam- WWF Headlock on Hunger!
Adam's response...
Right now there is a lot of attention placed on charity and social activism, so it's of little surprise that Matt sent me this video about WWF's charitable endeavors. Don't worry. I won't be making any Haiti jokes. Not because I find them inappropriate, but because I'm really not clever enough to come up with anything funnier than "Earthquake, lulz."
Still, even the Laugh Twins have a bit of a conscious and I find it a tad tacky to talk about the deaths of seven million people (lulz?), so just know that there are many ways to donate and we won't link to them because, well what's the point? If you come here for breaking news on Haiti, well, thanks, I guess.
On to the topic at hand! Headlock on Hunger!
(t-b) Headlock, hunger
As far as charity drives go, this one sucks. It just seems as if no one has a clue what to do. Take a look at our opener, Tatanka:
"This is Tatanka, and my people speak to the Great Spirit for blessings! We at the World Wrestling Federation appreciate your help for people that are less fortunate than us. Lets get a hold on headlock for hunger! YIYIYIYIYIYIYYYYI!"
That first sentence has nothing to do with anything. And then he gets the slogan wrong, by saying "get a hold on headlock for hunger!." But you know (tm) what the real travesty is? This is pretaped! Someone could easily have said "Hey Chris, umm, let's do that again. And it's 'Put a Headlock on Hunger!' Ok, Headlock on Hunger promo take two and....action!" But nope, they just did one.
The second stars of this were of course Paul Bearer and The Undertaker. Apparently all the hungry people dying in Somalia are causing the Undertaker to have too much of a workload so he needs these people to eat a sandwich. Way to trivialize a very serious issue, Titan Sports.
Of course, the next great star of this piece is none other than Irwin R Shyster, IRS himself!
Scott Hall thinks that that is his bar tab
Look at him, staring at that huge, tax deductible check. He's so angry. Oooo, the heel heat he must be getting right now! If anything, he wants Somalia to job to hunger!
But the real stars of this piece? Why, all the champions in the crowd.
Seriously, if any of these greedy asses would stop buying gold belts and donate that money Somalia could eat for a decade.
Adam's video to Matt - Kelly Kelly trying to be a news anchor
Matt's response...
I suppose a little bit of disclosure is needed here. I've just been terrible at providing content this week. I didn't get up a recap on Monday and even this bit is late. I could blame it on a number of different things that I've had to deal with this week (not the least of which was my birthday on Monday - thanks for the well wishes, readers! /sarcasm), but honestly, it's just poor time management. For that....well, I'm not really all that sorry. What do you want for free comedy? Pay me, and then we'll start to talk priorities.
On to the video. Anyone remember Channel One? I'm not sure how ubiquitous that was, but if you went to school with me, you knew about Channel One. Quite simply, it was a short news program for kids in school. The good part was we got to take time out of our day to watch the thing, and it wasn't necessarily that bad. A lot of big talent either came up through Channel One, or lended their time to it, like Anderson Cooper, Dan Rather, Maria Menounos (former Raw co-host!) and Lisa Ling. Essentially, it was a dumbed down news show which attempted to keep you up-to-date with world events, and would also include little bits about "cool" sports and "fun" activities.
Excuse me while I make a masturbatory motion with my hand in mid-air.
Somehow I can't help but wonder what would have happened to Kelly Kelly had she gone the Channel One route. We'd have to work with her delivery though...
Let's bring that paper down just a bit, k? Overall, I guess I would give her a B- on this performance, greatly held up by the fact that she's stupid hot.
Now, as for "This is Genius"? I think I might disagree with that title. Cute enough idea for a bit, I guess, but in the end, what do you have? A couple of people cracking up over a story about tanning salons. Wooo-hoo. That's good television, hipster lumberjack.
He's ok. At the very least, have her read a story that you can later edit to make it sound like she said something dirty to you. Now that would be genius, my friend. "This is Amateur" is what the show should be called.
Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.
This Sunday is TNA's Genesis PPV. How does this relate to Smackdown? IT DOESN'T! Don't worry about how fat Scott Hall is, because there's some smack to down? Are you ready?
First up was "Team Black Guys in Jeans" vs "Team White Canadians in Underwear" in a six-man tag. And it was pretty good!
(l-r) can't dunk, can dunk
Of course, this is a match MONTHS in the making. Jericho previously feuded with Cryme Tyme over the summer (Shad even picked up a singles win) and the CT are currently feuding with the Harts. And R-Truth..well he's a black guy...so he's there too! Of course that doesn't mean the interns are allowed to mail it in.
Ahem, interns. When the knee is in the back, it is called the "Liontamer." No knee is the Walls. DUH!
That was enough for the win. Even the interns can't shy away from the greatness of the winners.
Wow, did all that training in the Hart Dungeon really pay off? Really?
Yea, I went there. Get over it.
Sometimes wrestling can get a little talky. That time is when CM Punk comes out. Usually he just speaks about how great he is, but today he was talking about how great you can be. Or more specifically, some kid from s>developmental the audience.
Just kiss and get it over with already!
The kid decided to pledge his life to straight edge and that entailed shaving his head. Yes, the most embarrassing thing anyone can ever do in wrestling! Losing hair! Unless of course your Stone Cold Steve Austin, Goldberg, The Rock, Randy Orton, or any other successful person who is bald. But hey, you can tell Hogan and Michaels aren't happy about losing their hair!
I hope they didn't offer you a call up for this, dude. Because soon you'll be released AND be bald.
A gentleman's hairdo
Also, Luke Gallows was with Punk and he decided to hang out afterwards and wrestle Matt Hardy. The interns could hardly contain their excitement.
Should that be capitalized?
Anyone else see the irony in the fact that Matt's brother (known drug user/ possible felon Jeff Hardy) signed with WWE's main competitor, TNA, and now Matt is being beaten up by the wrestlers who don't do any drugs.
Get used to eating leather, Matty. Soon that's about the quality of meat you'll have to buy when they release you for Jeff's indiscretions.
Finally, last week (two weeks ago!) Rey Mysterio cost Batista a world title match in the beat the clock challenge. Thus, the two of them would have to fuck fight for their right to wrestle the Undertaker at the Royal Rumble. This match was so awesome that even the interns were on the top of their game.
Ok, that was a good one.
That's not to say that everything was spot on.
Yea...sometimes wrestling is fake...
This match went through numerous powerbomb and phone call related spots until just about the 10 o'clock hour when ALL OF A SUDDEN THE UNDERTAKER HIT A GONG AND TURNED ON A SMOKE MACHINE! WHY? NO IDEA!
Something strange going on!?! OH NO! Must be a no contest!
Yes, so we're going for this match one more time. Batista/Rey Mysterio...IN A CAGE! TRY AND CAGE TEH ANIMALE!!!
Watch Smackdown tonight to forget about the British Invasion being dropped down the card! It's a 8/7 central! On one of those Network Channels. Or some whenever over on hulu.com (if you can get past all the Conan drama)!
On Wednesdays, we here at LOL, Wresslin' like to really pull out the stops and offer up a double shot of righteously killer content. Why Wednesday? Well, we could impress you with market research, work habit studies, and human psychology tendencies to show you there's a scientific reason the middle of the week is the best time to bring your A-game. However, truth be told, we don't have any of that stuff and settled on Wednesday because that was the only day that didn't have any content scheduled. So, here you have "Watch Wresslin' Wednesdays," the ORIGINAL wrestling-themed, YouTube video comedic co-commentary. Please feel free to suggest a better title, because we are woefully uncreative when it comes to naming stuff.
The idea of W.W.W. is we each send the other a video that is related to wrestling (a match, promo, interview, guest starring spot, etc.). The only restriction is that it cannot be user-created, so your Scott Hall impression isn't going to fly here, pal. Neither of us know what kind of video we're going to get that day.
After viewing, we each write a response. This could be anything we choose: a straight commentary, a philosophical enlightenment, or classless ridicule. Just as we don't know what kind of video the other will select, neither do we know what the other will write or how they will write it. What you end up with is a mash-up of styles, which in our book equates to two-blogs-in-one, and we can take the rest of the day off.
Adam's video to Matt - Vader attacks Gorilla Monsoon
Matt response...
I usually like to find a quote in these videos that stands out from the rest - something that either sums up the video perfectly or just one of those non-sequiters that can pop up later in conversation.
This is one of my favorites, not so much because of it's content, but rather the delivery, which is one of complete disbelief and outrage from announcer Vince McMahon.
"God, it's Gorilla Monsoon!"
That pretty much says all that needs to be said about this video. Vader may be a big guy (which I'm not questioning at all), and he may be pretty tough, but there are two people in life that you just shouldn't physically assault: the president of your company, and a man with the words "gorilla" and "monsoon" in his name. When those two people are actually the same person and you still attack them, I think you've made a poor choice.
It's somewhat disappointing that Gorilla goes down like a ton of bricks in this one. The only offense he mounts are some weak-ass chops (note: this is, in no way, an invitation to get chopped across the chest, because I'm certain I would go into cardiac arrest.) A big, nasty dude, Gorilla Monsoon immediately falls to the mat after a little splash into the turnbuckle (again, please don't do this to me.)
Despite this being the first time a superstar attacked a WWE president, Monsoon is not who I want to talk about here. The hero of this video, the real hero, is this man:
This is the second ref that ran in after the first one was injured and thrown from the ring. You might say he was stupid, after seeing his colleague manhandled by Vader, but I say that's just the kind of courage that's found in the best among us. Facing nearly inevitable head-butting and slamming, this ref throws caution to the wind and steps into the ring to do his job.
Of course, things don't really go the way they teach you in wrestling official school...
Worker's comp?
He couldn't have expected any less, though. But that overwhelming drive to restore order to the WWE universe took over.
Apparently this even has really polarized wrestling fans, and one went so far as to create a "musical tribute." I put that in quotes because all this guy did was take the same YouTube video (complete with factoid pop-up) and substitute the audio for Ozzy Osbourne's "Hellraiser." A tribute indeed...
Even though there's only nine comments on this particular video, they're quite impassioned, since in his description, the poster referred to Gorilla Monsoon as "that dirty old bitch Monsoon." Here's what the forces of goodness have to say:
this should be taken off youtube! - LifeSoulAz
That one is offending alot of people. Im know kiss ass or babyface lover myself, but Monsoon is someone that almost all true 80/90's era wrestling fans have nothing but respect for. Monsoon is no dirty old bitch. show some respect. - 1978mackdaddy
I don't mean to offend anyone, and perhaps I'm taking this to seriously, I like Vader, but nobody calls Gorilla Monsoon a dirty bitch. - prhowe
old dirty bitch? fuck you - heyhoergeefmijispils
Gone but not forgotten...Gorilla Monsoon, 1937-1999.
Matt's video to Adam- CM Punk heel turn speech- ROH
Adam's response...
Often times people ask how they can get a hold of us Laugh Twins. I'm a little more accessible, but Matt is a hard egg to crack. Well consider that omelet made, because Matt's Internet identity has been found.
Yes, Matt is actually Youtube poster rafitos28160. How else would he have found this obscure video that was posted yesterday?Also take note that behind all his Wrestlemania, "I hate TNA" gusto, Matt is secretly an indy mark. An indy mark who uploads ROH videos.
As for this video, it's pretty much everything bad about the indy product; muffled, long winded, and self-important. I'm all for there being an alternative view on wrestling. Trust me, we need less Hornswaggle segments (unless we get like, 5 midgets to fight the Big Show in what I like to call a "Gulliver's Travels" match) and more segments of people taking the product seriously. No, the problem lies in the fans.
We've spoken about fans before. They are, for the most part, just marks trying to get themselves over. And stop being "smart." Sure, Phil Brooks may not actually hate you. He may not be that obnoxious about his lifestyle behind the curtain, but CM Punk sure as hell is. So when he's cutting a heel promo (which was delivered great but made no sense, much like Warrior promos), don't cheer him. If you really want to be "smart" don't acknowledge what the performer is doing; acknowledge the performance.
It's a little sad that the most heat he got was when he parroted John Cena. Oh no, what a terrible thing to do to the ROH fans! Acknowledge something that's popular!
Does anyone have that friend who's into bands that don't even exist yet? The kind of guy that listens to inaudible Beatles bootlegs and wind chimes? And gets mad at pop music? What a dick, right? That's ROH fans for wrestling. It's great that you love wrestling so much that you will financially support the little guy. It's great that you found a product that you love. Seriously. But that doesn't mean the big guys are somehow evil. They have a wider audience, so they in turn may be a little blander to the hardcore. That doesn't give you an excuse though to show off how smart you are by ruining a heel turn. No one cares that you're inside to the business. If you're at an ROH show that's assumed.
I still don't get what the snake parable had to do with the devil though.
Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.
For a theme song to accompany this post, please press play and enjoy...
Clearly the most important thing that happened on Raw last week was Bret Hart coming back to guest host the show. So I'm going to cover those segments in depth here, and the rest of the stuff will skim over. Really, it didn't matter all that much anyway.
Bret opens the show, looking more like Owen these days, and immediately gets down to calling out Shawn Michaels. It seems Shawn had a little something to do with this thing in Montreal in 1997.
The jean shorts are the only thing that look good about him.
For the most part, Bret kept himself together and managed to keep his stroke at bay.
Shawn came out, and rather than being apologetic about the whole thing, told Bret that he pretty much had it coming. That's how you start putting the past behind you, Shawn.
"You screwed me." "Eh, you deserved it. We cool?"
However, they were able to make some ground. Shawn told Bret he respected him and always looked back fondly on their matches. They finally shook hands, and after a moment, hugged...like two robots that haven't been oiled in a very long time.
"This wasn't in the script."
Bret then called out Vince McMahon, but he didn't come out because, come on, we gotta have something to do later in the show, right?
Mayse beat up Brie Bella, but who didn't see that coming? Brie has spent the last several months attached to the hip of every guest host that's come through. The only reason she didn't escort Bret around is because he's the only one that more than likely would have sex with her. MVP won a Fatal Four-Way against Mark Henry, Carlito and Jack Swagger to become the number one contender for the U.S. title. Ballin'.
DX beat Jeri-Tall, which now means Jericho is somehow banned from Raw. Didn't this happen before? I fail to see how this changes anything, but I guess we all know the first banning is just a suggestion anyway. As a side note, Jericho tried to enlist the help of Bret Hart, whom he wanted to serve as guest referee. Then Bret could screw over Shawn and the whole thing could have a nice conclusion. Bret declined, saying he only participates in storylines where he's the martyr.
Evan Bourne faced the WWE Champion Sheamus. Bourne was promised a title shot at the Royal Rumble if he could beat Sheamus that night. Any guesses on how this one turned out? Put your bets in now...
3...
2...
1...
Bourne lost. Sorry to the none of you that lost that bet.
Finally, we get Randy Orton versus Kofi Kingston, but this is the normal Orton/Kingston match you've become accustomed to over the past however long this feud has been going on. No, henchmodels Ted DiBiase, Jr. and Cody Rhodes set up this little match to test Orton. If Randy loses, he's kicked out of the Legacy and they're going to kick his ass. This is retribution for last week (two weeks ago!) when Randy did the same thing to them.
Randy won, and I'm sure that those two brainiacs will figure out that you can't really threaten the boss and expect to get away with it. Even though that's what people do in the WWE every stinking day.
To end the show, Vince McMahon comes to the ring and calls down Bret Hart. What's going to happen??!
Well, Vince says he's still mad about getting spit on over 12 years ago, but he also says that he was proud of Bret and that Bret was one of the best ever. Having felled the Hitman enough to get him to shake hands, the two exchanged a professional pump of the hands and then celebrated together.
Please hold for the eventual swerve...
THERE IT IS! That's right. Vince kicked Bret! Vince kicked Bret! And this time, McMahon can't spin it as "Bret kicked Bret" because we have photographic proof! Tune in for "Iron" Mike Tyson, 20 years past his prime, hosting Raw tonight! USA, 9/8c!
Adam, a native of the Garden State, and Matt, a proud Texan, crossed paths at university. They discovered they're both really into very silly things. Contact them at lolwresslin@gmail.com
Oh interns at devils.nhl.com...I love you
Yes, this is our new meme.
