OH BABY, I like it Raw! The one with Bret Hart

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

For a theme song to accompany this post, please press play and enjoy...



Clearly the most important thing that happened on Raw last week was Bret Hart coming back to guest host the show. So I'm going to cover those segments in depth here, and the rest of the stuff will skim over. Really, it didn't matter all that much anyway.

Bret opens the show, looking more like Owen these days, and immediately gets down to calling out Shawn Michaels. It seems Shawn had a little something to do with this thing in Montreal in 1997.

The jean shorts are the only thing that look good about him.

For the most part, Bret kept himself together and managed to keep his stroke at bay.

Shawn came out, and rather than being apologetic about the whole thing, told Bret that he pretty much had it coming. That's how you start putting the past behind you, Shawn.

"You screwed me." "Eh, you deserved it. We cool?"

However, they were able to make some ground. Shawn told Bret he respected him and always looked back fondly on their matches. They finally shook hands, and after a moment, hugged...like two robots that haven't been oiled in a very long time.

"This wasn't in the script."

Bret then called out Vince McMahon, but he didn't come out because, come on, we gotta have something to do later in the show, right?

Mayse beat up Brie Bella, but who didn't see that coming? Brie has spent the last several months attached to the hip of every guest host that's come through. The only reason she didn't escort Bret around is because he's the only one that more than likely would have sex with her. MVP won a Fatal Four-Way against Mark Henry, Carlito and Jack Swagger to become the number one contender for the U.S. title. Ballin'.

DX beat Jeri-Tall, which now means Jericho is somehow banned from Raw. Didn't this happen before? I fail to see how this changes anything, but I guess we all know the first banning is just a suggestion anyway. As a side note, Jericho tried to enlist the help of Bret Hart, whom he wanted to serve as guest referee. Then Bret could screw over Shawn and the whole thing could have a nice conclusion. Bret declined, saying he only participates in storylines where he's the martyr.

Evan Bourne faced the WWE Champion Sheamus. Bourne was promised a title shot at the Royal Rumble if he could beat Sheamus that night. Any guesses on how this one turned out? Put your bets in now...

3...

2...

1...

Bourne lost. Sorry to the none of you that lost that bet.

Finally, we get Randy Orton versus Kofi Kingston, but this is the normal Orton/Kingston match you've become accustomed to over the past however long this feud has been going on. No, henchmodels Ted DiBiase, Jr. and Cody Rhodes set up this little match to test Orton. If Randy loses, he's kicked out of the Legacy and they're going to kick his ass. This is retribution for last week (two weeks ago!) when Randy did the same thing to them.

Randy won, and I'm sure that those two brainiacs will figure out that you can't really threaten the boss and expect to get away with it. Even though that's what people do in the WWE every stinking day.

To end the show, Vince McMahon comes to the ring and calls down Bret Hart. What's going to happen??!

Well, Vince says he's still mad about getting spit on over 12 years ago, but he also says that he was proud of Bret and that Bret was one of the best ever. Having felled the Hitman enough to get him to shake hands, the two exchanged a professional pump of the hands and then celebrated together.

Please hold for the eventual swerve...

THERE IT IS!

That's right. Vince kicked Bret! Vince kicked Bret! And this time, McMahon can't spin it as "Bret kicked Bret" because we have photographic proof! Tune in for "Iron" Mike Tyson, 20 years past his prime, hosting Raw tonight! USA, 9/8c!