W.W.W. featuring Bret Hart and Hulk Hogan

On Wednesdays, we here at LOL, Wresslin' like to really pull out the stops and offer up a double shot of righteously killer content. Why Wednesday? Well, we could impress you with market research, work habit studies, and human psychology tendencies to show you there's a scientific reason the middle of the week is the best time to bring your A-game. However, truth be told, we don't have any of that stuff and settled on Wednesday because that was the only day that didn't have any content scheduled.

So, here you have "Watch Wresslin' Wednesdays," the ORIGINAL wrestling-themed, YouTube video comedic co-commentary. Please feel free to suggest a better title, because we are woefully uncreative when it comes to naming stuff.

Better at naming stuff than us

The idea of W.W.W. is we each send the other a video that is related to wrestling (a match, promo, interview, guest starring spot, etc.). The only restriction is that it cannot be user-created, so your music video about the Trish/Hurricane relationship that never happened isn't going to fly here, pal. Neither of us know what kind of video we're going to get that day.

After viewing, we each write a response. This could be anything we choose: a straight commentary, a philosophical enlightenment, or classless ridicule. Just as we don't know what kind of video the other will select, neither do we know what the other will write or how they will write it. What you end up with is a mash-up of styles, which in our book equates to two-blogs-in-one, and we can take the rest of the day off.

Matt's video to Adam- Bret Hart "You start the fire"



Adam's response.

There are certain rules to editing and continuity that one must adhere to for a narrative to make sense. After all, wouldn't it be jarring to see someone exit the screen on the right, and then reappear in a new setting walking in from the right? Of course, music videos don't need to adhere to these rules. Jump cuts? SURE! Thus, I'm going to just highlight a few things I've noticed about this early 1990's music video.

1) This thing is clearly staged.


Seriously, when does the Intercontinental Champion get to travel in a limousine? I don't ever recall that being in "Just Like That."

2) I can think of another Canadian rock song involving fire which is far superior to this one.

.

For those not in the know, Eddie and the Cruisers is essentially Bruce Springsteen the movie. It came out around the same time Springsteen found success with Born in the USA. It's about a Jersey Shore rockstar and how he was ahead of his time and was dead. Pretty much, a precursor to Eminem's Eight Mile. However, Springsteen didn't do the movie, yet they still made it with French Canadian actor Michael Pare as the titular Eddie. Then they made a sequel.

Fortunately, it was released only in Canada.

3) Check out all the cool Bret Hart merchandise you can buy!

Canadian flannel shirts

What is that?

Seems like that Hart is full of love handles

All the candy and Nintendo I want? Gosh mister, try and keep me out of your van!

Two Harts to go over your heart, nyuck nyuck!

No idea what the one on the right is

Yea, that montage took up 5% of the video time, which is actually a lot when you think about it.

Also, I would be remiss if I didn't what a bunch of predictable hacks we are. Videos about Bret and Hogan this week? Why ever could that be?

Adam's video to Matt - Hulk Hogan 1993 King of the Ring promo




Matt's response...

And the LOLie for the Most Xenophobic Promo of All Time goes to...

Seriously, welcome to your nightmare, nation of Japan.

I read a story yesterday about a 93-year-old Japanese man that died from stomach cancer. Typically something that would go unnoticed, except for the fact that this guy survived both atomic bombs dropped on Japan at the end of World War II. He was in Hiroshima on business when the first bomb exploded. He was badly burned and returned home to Nagasaki, which was bombed a couple days later.

You might say this man is luckiest/unluckiest person that ever lived (I think I might choose the latter). You also might say he had a front row seat to the full destructive force of America like few others ever had.

That is, of course, until 1993.

In what surely must be a coke-fueled promo, Hulk Hogan tells us that he is going to carry the prayers and dreams of all of America into the ring when he fights some fat Japanese dude and his comically stereotypical Japanese manager. This being 1993, there's still some of that mistrust of the Rising Sun lingering from 50 years ago, so it's necessary to assure the fans that Dayton, Ohio will not be the site of a "sneak attack" since it's not on the water. Certainly a new day of infamy would be recorded in the history books were Dayton to have been bombed early one morning by Yokozuna and Mr. Fuji.

As Jimmy Hart says, Hulk Hogan will carry the spirit of America into the ring with him, because he has "red, white and blue" running through his veins. I suppose, biologically speaking, that's true for all of us, but we understand he means this on a more spiritual and racist level. Hogan says he'll channel all that power through the palm of his hand, since that's that only offensive move he can perform.

Kind of like Iron Man!

As for the other performer in this video...well, Jimmy just looks like he's itching for his next bump.

I...

need...

COCAINE!