OH BABY, I like it Raw! Flair game for the Animal

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

For a theme song to accompany this post, please press play and enjoy...



Today's Memorial Day here in America, and as such, most of us are taking time off from what we normally do on a Monday and spend time doing other things. For me, that would mean taking time off from playing Xbox, and instead playing Wii.

Thank goodness the grocery stores are open.

Monday Night Raw, however, isn't taking the night off. Tonight they'll be in L.A. following the much public fight with the Denver Nuggets. We'll be treated to WWE's version of a basketball game, which will include only slightly less physical contact than a typical Nuggets game. But aside from that, let's take a look at what transpired last week to get us caught up.

First, Randy Orton is droning on and on about how he's still the WWE Champion. Of course, he had to come to the ring and show off his belt to everyone.

For God's sake, who put the ring in the middle of a highway?!

Orton's victory lap was short-lived, though, as Ric Flair needed to remind us that he definitely not going to leave the memories alone. Ric came to let us know that Vickie is upset that Randy exploited the rules just like every other heel in the WWE has ever done, and so at Exxxxxxxxtreme Rules, there will be a rematch with Batista in a........

STEEL CAGE!!!!!!!

Death chamber.

Why are we supposed to be impressed by cage matches anymore? Ric says now we don't have to worry about outside interference, but we all know that's not true. I mean, there's a door on the cage. It's not exactly inescapable.

Anyway, as is custom, Legacy ran in to beat up Ric, Batista and John Cena ran into the beat up Legacy, and after all is said and done, there's going to be handicap match with everyone but Ric Flair, but I'm sure he'll turn up somehow.

Next is a Diva Battle Royal for a title shot. I would normally give this short coverage, and I'm still going to, by maybe not quite as short as I would have otherwise. Maryse came to sit at the announce table, where she stayed until there were two people left in the ring - Mickie James and the ever-lovely Kelly Kelly. Maryse felt it was high time she did something about that.


She sprayed something in Mickie's face that made her roll around on the ground long enough for K-squared to come and boot her from the ring. Know what that means??

Watch where you're pointing buddy.

So now Double K is the Number One Contender for the Diva's Title, and I officially care about women's wrestling again.

Santina Marella beat Chavo in a battle of exotic cultures for our amusement. And The Brian Kendrick proved once again how useless he is - he and Goldust lost a tag match, after which The Kendrick said it was Goldie's fault, only to have the wigged one and Hornswoggle kick him out of the ring.


And here we have the Miz again. He almost scored some points with me in dressing up like John Cena and coming out to Cena's old tune "Basic Thuganomics." Then he opened his mouth and I remember that I truly hate this guy. He called out Cena again, Cena was too busy mackin' on fine womens, and Miz declared himself the victor again.

At this point, Jerry Lawler felt the need to intervene on the audience's behalf, explaining to the faux-hawked d-bag that simply calling someone out did not equal having a match. Lawler proceeded to call out Batista, Hulk Hogan, Bruno Sammartino and Steve Austin, and asked if Miz thought he should be declared the winner over all of them.

What is with that shirt, Jerry?

Then things just get stupid, as the Big Show comes out and slaps the camel clutch on Lawler for less of a reason than I just provided.

U.S. Champeen MVP beat Matt Hardy, but seeing how Hardy still has a cast on his arm and MVP won by stomping on it, I can't really call this a convincing win.

"F yo cast!"

Vickie Guerrero is now Miss Wrestlemania, after having a match against Santina. She actually did nothing but make the pin, after both Chavo and William Regal beat up her opponent. Maybe now we can be done with that ridiculous storyline.

Finally, it's the big handicap match. Big Show interfered and got Cena to go after him, proving that no matter what, a face will drop his responsibilities in the ring to beat up someone else if they feel like it. So Batista is left in a 3-on-1 situation. You know that won't last for long though, and it didn't as Ric Flair appeared to distract the trio of highly trained athletes and allowed Batista to spear and pin Randy.


Tonight, Flair is supposed to call out Randy for a fight, so be sure to see man in his prime get beat up by someone triple his age at 9/8c on USA!