OH BABY, I like it RAW! Exxxtreme Adam Makeover Edition

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

For a theme song to accompany this post, please press play and enjoy...




On January 1st we here at LOL, Wresslin' instituted the LOL, Wresslin' Brand Outreach Program (LWBOP). However, it does not extend only to TNA, YYCMT, or any other feds. No it also exists here in the WWE! So this week, I Adam, the champion of all things Smackdown, am recapping last week's Monday Night Raw. I watched the show with a clear head and I am here to fairly and accurately assess the Monday brand. And here.....we......GO:

The Monday Night Raw roster blew through New Orleans like a Scorpions' song!

Your name has nothing to do with your roster status.

There's one thing I noticed about Raw in relation to Smackdown. That is that Raw is a lot more talky (Monday Night Blah, I say). There's not a lot of wrestling. Take for instance the first segment. Randy Orton and Chris Jericho come out and complain about losing the previous weeks fatal fourway. You mean to tell me they waited a whole week to voice their problems? And they do so by throwing a hissy fit and disrupting the show! What do you expect to happen boys? They'll rebook the entire show just for you? Of course not. Good job by Stephanie McMahon not giving into to terrorist demands. She's a solid GM. Of course, she learned how to be so smart as GM of Smackdown first. I'm just sayin'.

Seriously though, Orton and Jericho were just standing in the ring! They were totally holding up our first match, which was an inter-gender tag match! Hot power couple Santino Marella and Beth Phoenix took on Melina and....Goldust? Seriously? That guy is still around?

Goldust's finisher: The Burp Pat.

Melina and Goldust picked up the win because they had to go to a commercial for beef jerky and needed to wrap things up. What's odd though is that some woman came out of the crowd and attacked Melina.

Watch the hands there, pal.

Apparently this isn't an isolated incident. What kind of lawlessness is Monday Night Raw?

And a "Yo-yo" to you, good sir.

Still, as you can clearly see, it ain't no thang. Melina is celebrating her allowing Goldust to do all the work and win the match for her. That's the right move. Don't give any thought to a legitimate problem of a crazy woman attacking you for no reason.



I was blessed enough to an Intercontinental title match as well. This I was pumped for. Rowdy Roddy Piper, Mr. Perfect, Randy Savage, and Bret Hart are just some of the legends who have held the IC belt in the past. It is a prestigious title and surely worthy of notice for a title match. I better buckle myself in for.... CM Punk challenging William Regal? Really?

It's not funny.

Regal once again showed how uncouth Raw is by getting himself disqualified, thus saving his title. However, Stephanie McMahon then made the decision to have a rematch next week (tonight), and DQ will result in a title swap. Smart move, Steph. Clearly something that only would have come with previous GM experience. I'm just sayin'.

Now let's check out this Kelly Kelly Matt is so fond of. Well hello beautiful. And you are beautiful. You must be Kane's squeeze. No? Oh you're wrestling someone named Jillian Hall? Well I'll be. She's a tough cookie. Better learn to protect yourself, Double K.



Isn't it funny how the hottest diva on Raw gets her ass kicked (I know she won the match, but still, look at the picture I selected to use), and Smackdown's top girl is the most badass of them all?



As stated numerous times, Monday Night Raw is the wild west of wrestling. Even though Stephanie McMahon did not give into Orton/Jericho's complaints, she did alter the main event to appease them a little. Who's running this show, right? Regardless, our main event was a tag match, pitting Orton and Jericho against Shawn Michaels (which makes sense because they have beef) and JB.....not JBL? But he works for Michaels now? If not JBL then who?

TEH CHAMP?!!?!?11!?! JOHN CENA?!!? WHAT!? WHAT?!? WHAT?!?

FINALLY, Monday Night Raw is going to get good. John Cena and Shawn Michaels (ZOMG!) Look at this bad boy:

You're telling me, poorly spelled graphic I created!

Of course, there's an inherent conflict of interests in this match. JBL is going to wrestle John Cena for the title at the Royal Rumble in a few weeks. He also is paying Shawn Michaels to be his lackey. It would clearly be in JBL's best interests to have Shawn turn on John Cena. But will Shawn do it? On the one hand he needs to support his family, but on the other all these fans look up to HBK! What's he going do? I hope he doesn't superkick John Cena...



YES! They won! But what about JBL? He is going to be pissed about this. What's going to happen? Oh, there's a Cena vs Michaels match tonight? Just like that? Seriously, who's running this crapfest?

Way to sell the severity there, Johnny Cakes.

Put your NyQuil away, because you won't need it tonight. Punch your ticket to Sleepyville by tuning into USA, 9/8c!