OH BABY, I like it RAW! WWE's Lakers: Straight up Ballin'!

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

For a theme song to accompany this post, please press play and enjoy...



Hi gang. You may have noticed a little something different in that intro. Matt has a fever, so he graciously asked me to slam his favorite TV show for him today. Who knows how this will go? My guess? Poorly. I mean, look at how much punctuation is in the title alone!

Anyway, as we have been reporting for the last few weeks, last Monday's Raw was the culmination of the "Denver Debacle." I'm not going to recount it. Still, in the interest of padding out this post, here's a LOL of Vince and Denver Nuggets owner, E. Stan Kroenke.

"Your first name rhymes with two things that can describe Matt Striker!"

Kelly Kelly had a Divas title match for some reason. And actually won the match! But by disqualification, which means she doesn't get the title (boo!). You see, what had happened was Maryse threw K Squared into the announce table (it miraculously didn't break) and Double K got counted out. For some reason, that got Maryse DQ'd.

Above: Two cases of history as a table does not break and a DQ finish makes no sense

Ric Flair decided to hang out with the memories a while longer and got his nose rubbed in that doody by Randy Orton.

"Stop it! When will you learn to leave the memories alone?! When?!"

There was supposedly a very good match on the show too. Kofi Kingston defeated William Regal and Matt Hardy in a triple threat match (so much more threat!) to become the #1 contender for the United States Championship. I think that put him at 26th in the official WWE rankings. Anyway, Regal was slow, Matt had a cast, Kofi jumped a lot. You get the gist.

It's the dance senstaion that's sweepin' the nation

Winning the US title is kind of like this

Ah, time now for some genius booking from the #1 brand. In case you didn't know, there's been this Santina Marella character running around lately. She's not much of a looker, but she can sure wrestle with the Divas well. She won the Miss Wrestlemania battle royal, despite never being shown on television before then. Still, she lost her crown last week to Raw GM Vickie Guerrero, and she wants it back. Santina is also the twin sister of two time Intercontinental champion, Santino Marella. So the logical next step is to put Santino (and a lady partner) in a mixed tag against Vickie's nephew Chavo and Santino's ex girlfriend.

And of course, there's a stipulation attached. Winner of the match gets to choose the stipulation for the Santina/Vickie rematch at the next PPV. Because evil heels in positions of authority always give their opponents opportunities to make their lives easier.

Anyway, Santino copped a few feels on Mickie James and won the match. He decided to choose for his sister the stipulation (because that also makes sense).


It'll be a Hog Pen match, last seen when HHH fought Henry Godwin.


One of the few things I miss from Smackdown that's now on Raw is The Brian Kendrick. Seriously. I love the guys work, love his gimmick, think he's great on the mic. It makes me sad to see him on Raw where he's completely lost in the shuffle. So it seems the logical step is for him to find a tag partner and challenge for the Unified Tag Belts (which are barely more useful then the European championship). But first he needs to get past these challenges:

Talk about a rock and a hard place!

Luckily for TBK, he found a suitable partner! Functional retard Festus! And he appealed to the LA fans by wearing a Clippers jersey.

More history, as this is the first case of someone willingly wearing a Clippers jersey.

So yea, basically, this happened:

"Hey Dustin, that pin isn't gay enough"

Really? Really? Goldust wins? How come every time I watch Raw Goldust wins? He never wins! My life is the worst.

Anyway, onto the main event. A ten man tag where everyone wears uniforms and came out to a basketball type intro. Here are the bad guy Nuggets.

(l-r): Boring, fatso, underrated, overrated, the worst

And the good guy Lakers.

Aww, The Animal thinks he's people.

Now, I know there's an unfamiliar face in there. I'll get to that in a second. But before I do, seriously. If this were a basketball game, which team would you want? The one with the fast lean guys and the 7 footer in the middle, or the one with two guys too jacked to move, an injury prone dude, and a 48 year old fat guy (seriously, what's Lawler doing in this match anyway? Any explanation?)

Well, none of that matters, because Mr. Ken Kennedy came back from a long injury. This was his first match back. It was exciting. I mean, how did he get his own Lakers' jersey personalized so quickly without ruining the surprise? I guess it's all for naught, because he didn't last too long. He almost hurt Orton with a bad suplex, and then injured his wrist on an RKO. WWE wishes him the best in all his future endeavors.

...Kennedy....

But hey, let's celebrate good times! The Lakers won the match!

If not the actual game that night, but they ended up winning the series, so I guess it all worked out for Vince in the end. Or did it???

There, that wasn't so bad. I mean, sure there's a PPV this Sunday, but they don't need to promote that! Much better to stroke Vince's ego! Tonight will be different, I'm sure. 9/8c, USA Network!