That's how it's supposed to work, at least. Sometimes, however, things don't go as you dreamed. Some might call that life; we call it an excruciating pain in the ass, but to each his own. You see, not everyone "gets it." Some of you naysayers out there might ask, "What is there to get?", to which we respond, "Maybe you should get laid, you miserable sourpuss." Other times, the joke is clear, but it just cuts a little too deep.
We're talking about one of those times.
For a while now, we've been playing around with a feature called "TweetNA," where we issue running commentary on TNA Impact on Twitter. Therein, we can get pretty harsh. Truly, it's all in good fun, but not everyone sees it that way.
On a regular basis, we send our little barbs to the wrestlers themselves. Now, to us, we're just giving some kind-hearted ribbing. Nothing more than what you would do with your friends, if you have any. It seems though, as we talked about in our world-renowned podcast, the wrestlers don't see it that. Sure, some of them play along, but for the most part, we're ignored or flat out banned from communicating with them. So this letter of apology is to you, TNA's Matt Morgan.
You blocked us a few weeks ago. It took us some time to realize it, mostly when we weren't seeing your fascinating updates on your thoughts about Billy Bapka or how you love the game Batman: Arkham Asylum more than Tecmo Bowl. These are things we loved, yet they are gone to us now, in the ether for all to enjoy but the two lonely Laugh Twins.
What was it, TNA's Matt Morgan? What caused the bad feelings between us? Actually, the bad feelings are more of a one-way street, since we never stopped caring. Somewhere down the line, we changed things...forever. There doesn't seem to be any going back.
So, if you'll never forgive, please help us to understand where we went off the tracks, from adoring fans to two children outside a pet store window, desperately wanting to hold that cute puppy on the other side of the glass. That six-foot-ten, 330 pound, completely shaven puppy. When did the hate start? Was it here, way back on September 10th?
Matt Morgan cuts promos like Mike Tyson makes love to women.Listen, we're both big fans of Iron Mike around here, so that's a huge compliment. Sure, there were some unpleasant rumors that he raped someone, but we're sure now he's more down-to-earth and can carry on a lasting and loving relationship with a female. Even if he can't, suggesting you "raped" a promo is a good thing. Way to dominate!
Maybe it was later that same night, when we said:
Interesting how Matt Morgan's finisher looks just like his opponent is giving him a DDT, yet it doesn't hurt him. Curious...
You might think we were making fun of your weak finishing move, but quite the contrary! We were impressed at how magical it was. How you might use that illusion to fool other competitors into think your moves aren't that powerful, and even detrimental to yourself! It's quite genius, and we compliment on that heartily.
Maybe you didn't read those, though. We didn't address them right to you, so unless you're a follower (you're not :( ) or someone told you about them, you probably didn't see them. Was it then on September 17th that your thoughts on us turned cold after this comment?
Hey @Tnamattmorgan, that's quite a large double-helix you have in your genes.Surely it can't be that! That's just fun wordplay on your gimmick! If for some reason you're weirded out by us making a thinly veiled reference to your penis, don't be! We promise we have no first hand knowledge of it. Neither of us moonlight as Orlando prostitutes, so we'd have no way of knowing what your package looks like, and you very well could be stuffing your tights. It was all just a pun among friends. Well, former friends.
A week later, we posted this:
@TNAMattMorgan: Monmouth U not have a good Spanish program? Maybe they should have had satellite classes in Freehold.
We see where you might think that we were making fun of your education, but again, you'd be wrong. We were genuinely concerned that your alma mater was deficient in a quality Spanish language program, and willing, therefore, to fight on your behalf for redress. It's not your fault that you're functionally retarded in the Romance languages. You paid to be educated and were failed by the system. You are due an apology at the least from New Jersey higher learning.
Maybe it's the times we make fun of your dressing habits, like these:
Is @TNAMattMorgan some kind of wizard? That robe is confusing me.
Dear Sting...you're not really Matt Morgan, so take off the Affliction shirts
Ok, really, the robe was just silly, but we're sure you were doing that to make us laugh. And the Affliction shirts? Yeah, we make fun of them, but only because they're usually worn by douchebags, not that you are one. There's always an exception!
The only other thing we can think of is this exchange from September 17th...
@LOL_Wresslin when do you think @Tnamattmorgan will admit he has a bald spot and shave his head
@jesushlynn90 It was very noticable tonight. Perhaps he's the blueprint for male pattern baldness?
Now, please notice that we were not the one's to message you about your growing bald spot. That was @jesushlynn90, who tweets to every wrestler about everything. So don't feel that you're being singled out or picked on; that's just their deal. And as for us? Well, we didn't even copy you on that message, so how could you be mad at us about it?? That's just ridiculous. Look, sometimes when we're with our friends, we're going to say some things to try to fit in. It's just in our nature. We need to be loved. So we were just trying to impress the cool kids, and for that, we're sorry. Look, we're going bald too, in our own little ways, so it's no biggie. It happens to a lot of guys, and if you'd be friends with us, we could talk about it. Lean on us, if you need to.
All we're saying is give us another chance to be the Twitter follower we were meant to be. Twitter was made for us to follow you, TNA's Matt Morgan. Without you, we only use it to harass the Beautiful People, and that can only go for so long without a restraining order. Please, please TNA's Matt Morgan, forgive us so we can go back to a life with some sort of meaning in it, rather than this shell we've been living for the past few weeks.
Sincerely,
The Laugh Twins of LOL, Wresslin'
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