R U READY TO DOWN SOME SMACK??? To hell and back

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

For a theme song to accompany this post, please press play and enjoy...



When future generations recount the ballad of CM Punk they will need a a body of work to cull together the tale. And oddly enough, it won't be hardcore, or punk, or even punkcore. It'll be simple and melodic. It will hit you in the mind strings, if not the heart synapses.

This will one day be a statue

Much like Iron Man in Civil War (or Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2), our hero will make the hard choices to be the champion we need, if not the hero we deserve (yes, I just got the two big summer movies of 2008 in one sentence. I rule like that.) The Choice of a New Generation has the strength to be a shining example to all the fat, impotent, drug abusers who-


Uh oh! Mysticism! Why, surely the Undertaker is in that casket, ready to pounce on CM Punk once it's opened! Because only by giving his enemy leverage and the upper hand can he truly win.

Oh wait, Teddy Long was in there.



Are we to believe that Undertaker kidnapped Teddy Long for a week? That in addition to the grand theft auto he perpetrated when he stole that limo? And Teddy Long's family never called or filed a report? WWE never got suspicious when he didn't check in? Do you think Teddy sent the office a few texts and everything was fine?

"My physical address is 130 Green Meadow Lane, Fayetville Georgie, 30215."

"The dogs are in the enclosed pool area. Garage side door is open."

See? Everything's fine!

Anyway, Teddy was so scared that he reinstated Undertaker's choke out submission move, set up a World Title match at the Hell in a Cell PPV next (this!) Sunday, and also had an uncaged singles match for later that night (last week!)


So there's been this British dude named Drew McIntyre who's been beating up R-Truth for no discernible reason. This impressed Vince McMahon enough where he came out and called McIntyre "the future" or "a signing" or something.


So McIntyre came out with his penchant for loud shirts and started warbling the English language and said something about fish and chips.

"Tea, Robbie Williams, BBC, Queen Mum, bad teeth,"

R-Truth, uppity trouble maker that he is, came out, I think.

At least I think that's him. I can't really tell thanks to all that camouflage.

They fought, shirts were ruined, and we have the cover of the latest Robin Lee Hatcher novel.

That's a waste of a perfectly good shirt!

Oh, and combine this shirt with CM Punk's trunks and Smackdown has a buttload of teal tonight. Also of note, both Vince McMahon and Jim Ross were in Oklahoma at the same time, and Jim Ross was remarkably not embarrassed.



You know (tm) who walks alone into that pit of danger? BATISTA!!!11!!! You know (tm) who doesn't? The Big Show. He brought along his tag team partner, Chris Jericho to have his back! And why not? Jericho couldn't beat Batista last week, so let's make sure that happens this week!

"YEAAAAAA!!!!!!"

Remember that one time they got together in a match? Things haven't changed too much in the last few years.

The Big Show is the Big Show and Batista is my interest in this.

Thankfully, it was not all for naught. The wonderful interns at WWE.com have come through again with some pun-tastic puns for my eyes to pun pun view pun.

I love you, WWE.com interns.

About that ankle lock in the last photo. Apparently that's Big Dave's new finisher. Just in time for last month's Breaking Point PPV! Bah, who needs logic, right? Well, that's what he does now and the Big Show tapped out. BUT THERE'S MORE! He slapped it on Jericho! Where's his humanity?!?!

Above: The star of Alien Apocolypse

Wow, @IamJericho. Maybe we should put you in a whambulence and get you a whamburger until you feel better.

Oversellous

Finally, CM Punk and the Undertaker had match number two in their epic long feud. This match would have the gimmick of having no gimmicks, a first for both men.



Anyway, these two fought a pretty normal match, filled with kicks and submissions and pin attempts and a lot of friggin leg drops. Punk must have thought that as long as it's cool for Undertaker to use his Hell's Gate chokehold then any old chokehold must be cool to throw into a match. And how do you counter a chokehold?



But that's not enough!? Is it folks?! No, let's break a table while we're at it, right Dead Man!?

/Count out

Oh, funny how that worked out, isn't it Undertaker? Maybe you should quit abusing drugs and alcohol? Then you'll have the attention span to keep count and maybe beat our hero. But no, you don't have that strength to ever admit you're wrong. And what do you get out of it? Michelle McCool?

Wait a second...

But that's all in the past. Tonight's the Decade of Smackdown special! The Rock will be there live (to tape..and on tape)! And a bunch of guys from Raw and Smackdown will be there to remind us why we love Smackdown! And there's a PPV this Sunday too! WOW! So much cool stuff going on at once. This is no way overexposes these gimmicks so that they are eventually rendered worthless due to fatigue. No, just keep it coming!

Oh, and the PPV is in Newark, NJ at the Prudential Center!



Perhaps a certain person writing this article just kinda sorta may be at The Rock (nick name for us locals) this weekend? But don't worry about that! Worry about MyNetworkTV at 8/7c, or hulu.com!