OH BABY, I like it Raw! Hell in a Cell

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

For a theme song to accompany this post, please press play and enjoy...



Last night was Hell on Earth...well, Hell in Newark, at the very least, which isn't all that different from normal, only the WWE trucks have rolled into town.

I'll get to the recap in a moment, but let me first say a word about Rev. Al Sharpton's turn as guest host on Raw last week. It wasn't terrible, and that's saying a lot. He plugged his charity, and seemed to play along with all the bits WWE had in store for him. Thankfully, he didn't book himself into a match, so there's another plus. All in all...not bad.


You're quite welcome.

Now, on to "Hell in a Cell." We kicked the night off for Raw with a Diva's title match between Mickie James and Alicia Fox. Weee. Actually, I should be impressed. You see, as I said, that kick the night off for Raw, not for the whole show. That was actually started with a World Heavyweight Championship match between C.M. Punk and the Undertaker. However, I suppose if you played the show backward, that would be the main event, so good work Smackdown!

Mickie kept the title. Let's not waste our time on this.

The first real match for Raw was Mr. John Cena defending the WWE title against Randy Orton in a CELL! Since Randy has spent the last couple weeks getting his ass handed to him by the Marine, this should be no problem for Cena. He can spend the rest of the night with his feet up, sipping bubbly.

However, Orton was prepared, even going so far as to steal some of the Undertaker's music during the match...


Orton would eventually score the win over Cena, making him the new WWE Champion.

Next for the best show would be the U.S. title match, with Kofi and the Miz and Jack Swagger. Never have I wanted a Jamaican to come out on top as much as now.

Ok, maybe one other time.

And come out on top he would.

Literally!!

Swagger would do his finisher on Miz; Kofi would do his finisher on Swagger and get the pin. Standard three-way match ending. Kofi is still your United States champion.

The final match of the night would settled the long-standing feud between DX and Legacy. This is the rubber match between these guys, and while Legacy has the strength similar to that of the Trojan army, DX aren't just good for ribbing, leaving their swords in a sheath - they can kick some ass like Dirty Harry and his magnum!

Dongbag.


Long story short, DX won this one. We all know these young, talented and athletic upstarts can't upset some old-timers with tons of history behind them. We've seen it a thousand times in the past.

Ok, maybe 999 times in the past.

Ok, that's all for me! Tune in to Raw tonight when some quarterback hosts the show. Psssh, sports. Who cares? USA at 9/8c!