R U READY TO DOWN SOME SMACK??? Bragging Rights!

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

For a theme song to accompany this post, please press play and enjoy...



Yes, the rumors are true. Smackdown's John Morrison is the Marty Jannety. But just because one may fall, don't think the fight is over. There were at least two more matches that night to determine brand supremacy.

First up was a 6-Lady tag match (because women only count as 42% of a man) between a bunch of face Raw Divas and a bunch of heel Smackdown Divas.

Ok McCool, first you steal his finisher, but his hood as well? Leave AJ Styles alone!

So 2/3's of the Raw team never really win matches, whereas 2/3s of the Smackdown team routinely win matches. 1/3 of Raw just stands around and looks hot, and the one of the Smackdown divas manages a very sad family. Of course, the one who stands around will get some offense in on sad girl.


Alas, not enough as the Smackdown girls are able to pull it out. And what a relief too! Seriously, the third match would have NO drama whatsoever if Raw won the first two matches of the series!

Seems like it'd hurt Beth Phoenix's butt first...

Replace Melina's chest with my face and you'll know my plans for tonight.

Still, since Mickie James or Daffney were not involved in this in anyway, I sort of lost interest.

About that final match of the Bragging Rights series...I'm not getting to that yet. No, there was a fatal fourway World Title match involving the Undertaker (and his fake hip) defending against CM Punk (take my word on it), Rey Mysterio (srsly), and Batista (teh ANIMALE!)




Anyway, Batista and Rey Mysterio are super familia forever, so it's very likely one of them is going to walk out of Pittsburgh (city of champions!) as the world champion. Yes, they were a team, watching each others' backs against two formidable opponents.

The cover of the latest issue of Power Bottom Magazine

Yea, Big Dave! Teamwork forever! Except...uh-oh..

"GO TO YOUR ROOM, YOUNG MAN!"

"DON'T TELL ME HOW TO DISCIPLINE MY CHILD!"

Not pictured: Ghostballs in front of Undertaker's face.

Ok, so it didn't really go down like that. It's more like Batista had the Undertaker beat and Rey broke the pin up. But still! The Animal almost became the champ! What could Rey have been thinking?

"Sometimes son, when a mommy and daddy love each other.."

Also, have I ever mentioned that I love WWE interns?

I don't know how anyone can keep a straight face typing the words "The Ultimate Underdog" seriously.

Or "Master of the 619" for that matter.

Finally, Raw and Smackdown battled it out in a fourteen man tag match for the coveted McMahon Bragging Rights Cup!

First up, Team Raw- captained by Degeneration X.

First you tag with God. Now you're high fiving troops. I get it Shawn. Middle America loves you.

And the rest of them.

They clearly look unified

Team Smackdown was co-captained by Chris Jericho and Kane (really?). And included these strapping young men.

We're fucked.

Have I mentioned that I love the interns at WWE.com, before? Because I do.

I know what's up. Cody's balls up into his scrotum.

"Today's headline: 'Sweet Chin Music on the Irishman!' In other news Yurug Empire no more!"

Anyway, if there was every any doubt that WWE reads this blog regularly, it was no doubt washed away with this seven man tag. For, we got a moment of unquenchable fury!! Yes, LOLie Wrestlers of the Year, Kofi Kingston and Chris Jericho, squared off! Hogan/Andre, Steamboat/Flair, Austin/McMahon have nothing on this moment. Think of Zeus and Jupiter somehow meeting to see who is the true god!

Dammit, Chris

Oh God! Can it be I was wrong about my wrestler of the year!? Raw can't win! They just can-

DH Smith CAN'T BELIEVE IT!

SAY WHAT?!?!? THE BIG SHOW HAS TURNED ON RAW! HE'S LIKE SOME KIND OF TRAITOR! BENEDICT ARNOLD OR JUDAS! BECAUSE COMPARING A WRESTLING MATCH TO THE CRUCIFIXION OF THE CHRISTIAN SAVIOR IS TOTALLY COMPARABLE!

Oh well, team Smackdown won! Now let's get drunk and play ping pong!

No trophy for the Irishman!

Come make fun of Monday Night LoseRaw tonight on MyNetwork TV! 8/7c! Or maybe sometime this weekend over on hulu.com! I'm a better pitchman then Hulk Hogan!