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As Raw continues the ever-entertaining guest host for the night, royalty has graced us with his presence. That's right, one of the original "Kings of Comedy," Cedric the Entertainer, is our general manager this evening! We know things are going to be crazy, because after he pulls up in his limo, all number of people jump out: football players, a farmer with a goat, an old lady, and a rabbi performing a bris. A wild night ahead of us indeed!
As we build toward WWE's next pay-per-view, "Hell in a Cell," one of the main rivalries developing is that of DX versus Legacy. Last week (two weeks ago), Shawn locked up with Ted DiBiase. Now, we get Triple H having a go at the young Cody Rhodes. Can we expect as much entertainment from this match??
Errr...ummmm... The match was back and forth, with Legacy even managing to take out Hunter's partner on the outside of the ring. All that's left is for Codes to do whatever his finisher is and make the-
Oh wait!!! It's not over!!!
That, of course, would result in Triple H going down as the winner of that one in the record books. Never ones to leave well-enough alone, Legacy decided they'd put HHH's head in the folding chair and commit some good, old fashioned homicide.
Now don't go getting some crazy ideas, kiddos. However, it seems a couple of newcomers forgot about that important third member of DX...
Legacy ran from the ring, unable to double up on an injured senior citizen clumsily wielding a hammer.
Here comes Cedric again!
It seems he has some jokes for us, but I'll be damned if I knew who he was talking about since he screwed up just about every wrestlers' name. He did say that Mark Henry was the illegitimate son of the Kool-Aid Man, a joke we would have made ourselves if we wouldn't have been called racist.
As is custom, the guest host has to run afoul of one of the superstars during his one-night tenure, and tonight it was a Chavo. Ced made fun of Chavo for losing every week to a leprechaun.
Chavo didn't appreciate that and challenged the Entertainer to go ahead and add "sports" to the beginning of that moniker. So they'll fight. Pins and needles, LOL fans.
The U.S. title has an interesting feud going on right now. The Miz straight up stole the belt from Kofi, and seeing as they only interact one night a week, this is the Jumpin' Jamaican's first opportunity to get it back. He ambushed the Miz during his stellar interview with Josh Matthews. I'm all for Kofi getting his property back, but darn it, not just as things were getting good.
Since Cedric likes some fast-paced action, we're treated next to Miz and Evan Bourne. I'm glad we have a GM that's interested in adding a little depth to the U.S. title picture.
Miz would end up winning this one, since Bourne can't even pull off one measly Shooting Star Press without his opponent moving on him. What a joke.
Time for a contract signing!
Nothing spells excitement like diligently examining the details of a WWE Title Match contract with your lawyer.
Oh they don't do that here? They just scrawl their name on a generic sheet of paper and then hit each other? Well, that's boring. However, Jerry Lawler informs us that there's a "no physicality" rule during this procedure, something I'm sure will be adhered to.
As expected, Mr. Cena and Orton do a little jawing at each other. Cena says that if Orton loses this match, there won't be any more chances for him to win the title. He'll be nothing but a "guy in his underwear, hanging out with other guys in their underwear."
Huh?? Isn't that why I'm watching this show in the first place??
I fail to see your point, good sir. Since Randy can't provide a counter-argument with his fists, he's decided to employ a couple of people who can.
Team JeriTall Things are looking bleak for our hero John Cena.
Nope...still bleak. As tensions grew in the ring, Cedric did what any good guest host/non-comatose person who's paying attention would do - he made a six-man tag match for later tonight! So we're having the same match from last week, only Trish and Beth Phoenix have been replaced with Cena and Orton.
Somehow I think we're getting screwed.
Speaking of Beth Phoenix, here she comes now!
And speaking of getting screwed, here's Mickie James!
Here should be a thrilling women's match with the Diva's champion and a legitimate contender for the belt.
It actually took me longer to type that sentence than it did for the match to be over.
Well, this next one, a U.S. Title match with Kofi Kingston and Jack Swagger should pull us out of the slump.
Nevermind, that one was even shorter. I should explain what happened. You see, the Miz ran out at the beginning and took the belt. Swagger, seeing his opportunity to just take the belt than actually go ahead and win the belt after he already had the champion down in the middle of ring, chased down Miz and stole the title for his own. He was counted out, meaning Kofi won and remained the U.S. champion.
Since I know you've been patiently waiting to find out how that Chavo/Cedric match ended up, I'll go ahead and give it to you. Santino was picked as the special ref for this one. And Cedric must have rummaged through the wardrobe in the back and picked out his costume, much like the contestants in Hulk Hogan's Celebrity Championship Wrestling did.
Yes, there's a reason he's dressed like that. Cedric, always the thinker, decided that instead of wrestling the more agile Chavo, he'd just crawl under the ring. He didn't stay there for long, though.
Something doesn't look quite right here. Somehow, Cedric put on about a hundred pounds of muscle and learned a few wrestling moves during his time under the ring. Just a few though. No more than, say, Mark Henry would know. Inexplicably, just as Ced had Chavo where he wanted him, he crawled back under the ring, only to appear a short time later.
Ok, this is just getting stupid.A splash, another trip under the ring, and another growth spurt later, and Cedric had the pin on the Mexican Warrior. He should really sell that act to Penn and Teller. That was good stuff!
Alright, time for the big guns to come out. It's the six-man tag match. I should mention that this thing does have some stakes attached to it: should Orton's team win, John Cena has to run the gauntlet, fighting three matches next week (tonight!) and vice versa.
Apparently having the WWE champion on your team doesn't equal having the WWE Tag Team champions on the other team, because it didn't take long for Mark Henry to mess things up.
So there you have it. John Cena will face three opponents tonight and our special guest host will be Al Sharpton. I only wish I were making that up. USA at 9/8c!
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