So, here you have "Watch Wresslin' Wednesdays." Please feel free to suggest a better title, because we are woefully uncreative when it comes to naming stuff.
Better at naming stuff than us.The idea of W.W.W. is we each send the other a video that is related to wrestling (a match, promo, interview, guest starring spot, etc.). The only restriction is that it cannot be user-created, so your video showing off your collection of homemade Ric Flair robes ain't going to fly here, pal. Neither of us know what kind of video we're going to get that day.
After viewing, we each write a response. This could be anything we choose: a straight commentary, a philosophical enlightenment, or classless ridicule. Just as we don't know what kind of video the other will select, neither do we know what the other will write or how they will write it. What you end up with is a mash-up of styles, which in our book equates to two-blogs-in-one, and we can take the rest of the day off.
Adam's video to Matt - Cyndi Lauper-Goonies R' Good Enough
Matt's reponse...
Well, this one was bound to come up sooner or later.
YouTube user MelRules911 suggests to skip ahead to the music that starts two minutes, but I think that's a horrible idea. I'm going to level with all of you: this music sucks. It's absolutely awful. Defend it all you want; you'll realize it sooner or later.
So that's not what I'm going to talk about. This video is basically a live-action version of Hulk Hogan's Rock 'n' Wrestling, and that's awesome. I've said it dozens of times on this site, but this is what professional wrestling is missing. Cartoonish characters. Big time stars that are buffoons. All the wrestlers featured in this video were top stars during this time, and they're ridiculous.
I'd like to focus on the heels here. We're supposed to be afraid of them, right? At the very least, they're bullies and they'll give us a black eye and a fat lip, which is no fun. But what do they really do? If we pay attention, it's really nothing worse than what your dad probably did to you when you were a kid (assuming, of course, that you haven't been on Maury).
For instance, they hoist you up as if they're about to toss you into the swimming pool against your will...
They throw you over their shoulder...
They ask you to hand them tools...
I swear you said "wrench." They make you do chores...
So really, they don't seem to be anything to worry about. They're just some rambunctious entrepreneurs looking to invest in a gas station; they embody that unique American spirit. And somehow, they've convinced a Russian and an Iranian that this capitalistic endeavor is worthwhile. That's truly something to be admired.
However, they get punished. Worst of all, it's by Andre the Giant in an outfit that should have really stayed in the costume department.
I'll never have another wet dream.
Matt's video to Adam- Jimmy Hart on TV Guide Channel
Adam's response...
Why does this exist? The TV Grid channel was hot back in 1996 when awesome things had yet to be invented. But now we have digital cable. Seriously, what's wrong with you that you own cable (you have the TV Grid..you own cable) but do not have a cable box for digital cable? You don't even need a special wire! The cable company has already switched for coax to fiber optics! What are you holding out for, jackass?
Thus, the TV Guide Channel should not exist, nor should it make enough income to create original programming to play on top of the grid. No one is watching it. We have digital cable now. We can program our own grids. No need to watch your terrible station any longer. Viva la televisiona revolution!
However, like other unpleasant things, it exists and we have to deal with it.
So like I said, almost NOBODY is watching this (I'm seriously surprised someone taped it). Obviously you're not going to waste HHH's time going to a pointless promotional vehicle. Vince McMahon's a little busy to be dropping in on Teresa Strasser (stage name!). Who gets sent then? "The Mouth of the South" Jimmy Hart, of course!
Listen, Jimmy's a legend, wrote some cool songs, and seems like a genuinely nice guy. He hung out in the Columbus Walmart to help out his friend's daughter, for Christ's sakes. But I wouldn't exactly clear the schedule for him (ok, maybe I would, but not programmer Adam).
Of course, it's not as if Jimmy should have been so accommodating to these miscreants. Take our male co-host, John Fugelsang (stage name!). First he insults the Mouth from the South's jacket (which Jimmy takes in stride because he realizes that, hey!, he's a character), then he condescendingly says "If there's two things I love it's wrestling and pay-per-view." Listen here, douche. You're not perfect. According to your bio you are the son of a former nun and Franciscan Brother; two people who swore celibacy in the name of our Lord. Yet, why did they have a child? Are they perhaps weak and gave in to the temptation of sinful flesh? So off the bat you were a bane on society. And then you hosted America's Funniest Home Videos, so you know (tm) what dude? Go ahead and suck it.
Also, you know what happens when you question the athletic prowess of professional wrestlers?
Now, I would be remiss if I did not mention the dynamite drop in from the show's Hole. The standard, "we're having fun, but you know what's not fun? A double murder suicide. (of course, if you read the blog, you know that we think different)" Way to be hard hitting there, Mrs. Killjoy. But guess what happened? The big dumb wrestler handled it with class and dignity, so one more point for Jimmy on your worthless show.
This is not to say that Hart was perfect. Far from it. You see, wrestling is a work. Always has been a work. Always will be a work. Which is why Jimmy Hart is a liar. When steroids were brought up and he said "never seen them," well that's not true. I find it hard to believe that people are injecting themselves and then go "Oh crap, Jimmy Hart's in the locker room. This will sure upset him! We better not do it!" You managed Hulk Hogan too, brother. In the 80's. You saw steroids. That happened.
Also, your admission that you think they're fine pretty much gave you away. Poor poker face there, Mouth.
But you know what the most important thing we learned from this is? What ended up saving this entire train wreck? Something that renews your faith in people?
The Harlem Bookfair is on CSPAN 2 at 2 O'Clock.
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