OH BABY, I like it Raw! Trumping the competition

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

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Last week was the big three-hour edition of Raw, which included matches from Hackdown and ECW, so you can call it special if you want; I call it a waste of my time.

But Raw did have some pretty important things happen, the biggest of which is that the show was SOLD TO DONALD TRUMP. That's right - Vince McMahon decided to somehow sell one of the WWE's programs. We already discussed the ramifications of this on this site, so no point in me going into it now, suffice it to say we have a new man in charge around here.

Raw, however, wasn't going to let a shake-up like this keep it down, and they burst out of the gate with a Fatal Four Way to determine the new WWE Champion. I say "new" because Batista is out for a scheduled unexpected surgery on his arm. The title was vacated, so no matter what, we're getting a new champeen.

Understated, WWE.com writers. I like it.

Randy would eventually sneak in, like the "viper" he is, and pin the Big Show to the win the title. So two weeks after "Extreme Rules," the overall change to Raw is zero.

We like to mix things up around here.

McMahon introduces our new owner, and they have an awkward sounding conversation. It's almost as if Trump couldn't hear Vince at all! Like he was simply pausing to allow a response, and then going on with what he had to say! But then again, he seemed to answer Vince's questions....hmmm, technology is just so confusing.

Back to my moonshine!

Trump said that next week (tonight!) Raw would be aired commercial-free! That's pretty bold. What are they going to cut to when the wrestlers start putting a series of submission holds on each other, only to get back to the action five minutes later? I guess we'll have to find out.

However, Vince wasn't going to let this announcement outshine him just yet. He said there was going to be a 10-Man Battle Royal later in the night to determine an opponent for Randy Orton at "The Bash."

No.

They had a useless Divas match between Mickie James and Rosa Mendes. Mickie won. Maryse attacked her afterward. Does anyone care?

No.

Moving on, we have one of the more odd segments of the show. Goldust and Hornswoggle were shooting t-shirts into the crown, since apparently they have nothing better to do.


For whatever reason, the Miz felt this was his time to shine, and came out to cut his hundredth promo on John Cena. Goldust decided to speak for everyone in America, and said he thought it was a pretty tired bit and the Miz should stop. Of course, the Miz, being reasonable, took this advice and went on about his life not worried about Mr. Cena.


Or not.


That's right. He shot a midget in the crotch with a t-shirt fired from an air cannon. Way. To. Go.

Finally, it's the match we've been waiting about an hour to see - the 10-Man Battle Royal. We have some of Raw's greatest talent, like Big Show, William Regal, Matt Hardy, and the Miz. Who in the world might win??

Oh.

So yes, at the Bash we are going to have Randy Orton versus Triple H for the WWE Title.


What's that? Donald Trump says that match is actually going to happen next week (tonight!) and that it's going to be Last Man Standing match???

Be sure to tune in tonight at 9/8c on USA for no commercials and free PPV matches.