Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Wresslin' Rumours!



Life on the road is hard. But it's also fun! Yes, outside of the ring the wrestlers are real people with real quirks and some ker-azy stories.


Being the amazing journalists that we are, we've heard a few tales about wrestlers. Urban legends if you will. And although we can't substantiate any of them, we can pretty much sniff out a clunker when it hits our desks. Thus, for your enjoyment, here are a few "choice" wresslin' rumours!

  • Andre the Giant once drank 314 beers in a 4 hour period and then had a glass of wine with dinner.
  • JBL invented Mamjuana (boner juice) out of necessity, not a business opportunity
  • Former WWE wrestler Renee Dupree had a habit for getting on the nerves of the boys in the locker room. He would not pick up his towels after a match. So many of the Smackdown superstars would communally defecate into his gym bag.
  • Chris Benoit once took a young wrestler who was showing disrespect to "wrestler's court." As punishment, the rookie had to do 1,000 squats. Benoit did them all with him. The next day, Benoit made the rookie do 500 more. Years later Benoit would commit a double murder/suicide.
  • Ring announcer Tony Chimel doubles as head of the ring crew for live events. Whenever they run in the Rockie mountain area, Chimmel likes there to be a little less space under the ring. This is so Hornswaggle well have less oxygen when he hides under the ring.
  • Scott Hall has been known to take in the occasional libation. Jake Roberts too.
  • After going AWOL from the Marines, Randy Orton served time in the Brig, Orton picked up an affinity for wearing only towels. This habit has influenced other young wrestlers.
Don't ask us how we got these.

  • Tony Chimel frequently tips waitresses more then 20%. He'll often leave a picture of his erect penis with his hotel room number. He then enjoys taking the young ladies to Pittsburgh for a Platter.
  • Perry Saturn, Shane Douglas, and Chris Benoit all would run a train on Nancy Sullivan during their time in WCW. Ms. Sullivan would later be murdered with her young son by her husband, Chris Benoit, who would later commit suicide.
  • Rob Van Dam once got so high he tried to eat a baby. That's right, a California Cheeseburger.
  • The Dynamite Kid used to wake his wife up every morning by pointing a gun at her and pulling the trigger. He would then say "One day it'll be loaded."
  • Bret Hart has had the most tragic life in the history of history.
  • Sabu will kill himself to ensure the death of you and your people.
  • Tony the Chim once hit on Trish Stratus, but took it back once he realized she was a "filthy Canadian."
  • Name a woman in wrestling. Shawn Michaels probably slept with her.
  • Lillian Garcia is a post-op transsexual.
  • Vince McMahon has had sex with every Diva except Gail Kim. Not all were consensual.
  • Macho Man Randy Savage once seduced a 14 year old Stephanie McMahon. That's why he was fired from WWE back in 1994.
  • Kurt Angle has taken so many pain killers he now knows how to make GhB.
  • Tony Chimel set up Chris Benoit, who was accused of killing his wife and son, before taking his own life.
Wow! Fun times, right!?

2 comments:

Ray said...

Macho Man Randy Savage once seduced a 14 year old Stephanie McMahon. That's why he was fired from WWE back in 1994.

= Ewww. I think I need some Pepto.

BTW, where did you get those towel pictures? Any more of Jeff floating around the LW office? I'm willing to pay.

Adam and Matt, The LOL, Wresslin' Laugh Twins said...

We believe we said not to ask us that.