Wednesday, June 17, 2009

W.W.W. featuring The Bushwhackers and The Miz

On Wednesdays, we here at LOL, Wresslin' like to really pull out the stops and offer up a double shot of righteously killer content. Why Wednesday? Well, we could impress you with market research, work habit studies, and human psychology tendencies to show you there's a scientific reason the middle of the week is the best time to bring your A-game. However, truth be told, we don't have any of that stuff and settled on Wednesday because that was the only day that didn't have any content scheduled.

So, here you have "Watch Wresslin' Wednesdays." Please feel free to suggest a better title, because we are woefully uncreative when it comes to naming stuff.


Better at naming stuff than us.

The idea of W.W.W. is we each send the other a video that is related to wrestling (a match, promo, interview, guest starring spot, etc.). The only restriction is that it cannot be user-created, so your cover of Rick Derringer's "Real American" ain't gonna fly here, pal. Neither of us know what kind of video we're going to get that day.

After viewing, we each write a response. This could be anything we choose: a straight commentary, a philosophical enlightenment, or classless ridicule. Just as we don't know what kind of video the other will select, neither do we know what the other will write or how they will write it. What you end up with is a mash-up of styles, which in our book equates to two-blogs-in-one, and we can take the rest of the day off.


Adam's video to Matt - Family Matters "Psycho Twins"



Matt's response...
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Chicago's Don Nash Community Center for the biggest wrestling show of the night, WRESTLE-RAMA!! Before we begin, we'd like you to check under your folding chairs....one out of the record crowd of two-hundred fifty-six in attendance will get a two-for-one coupon to the California Pizza Kitchen! So check now!

Alright folks, we know you've been itching to get to this match. The "Match of the Century," if you ask us! That's right, these four titans will clash for a winner's purse of $350! In this corner, we have two retarded gentlemen from "Down Under," The Bushwhackers! And in this corner, what seems to be an overweight gentleman and a computer nerd who's clearly confused about his sexuality, the Psycho Twins! Who are neither "psycho" nor "twins," but give them a hand!

Alright, now stick with us a moment as we explain to them the second most basic match in professional wrestling, a tag match.

Ok, that's out of way let's get this thing started. Looks like the fat twin is going to start things off, and despite his significant girth, he seems to be holding his own out there. There's that solid submission maneuver, the "dry shampoo." Always gets his opponents to bend to his will. Now and Irish whip, and it seems someone in the crew forgot to tighten those ring ropes a bit. I'm sure that won't cause a problem later.

And look! He's going for a Figure Four leglock, the move made famous by the great Nature Boy, who's never been to a single Wresle-Rama! No wait, he's just going to hold his foot for a while. Not nearly as impressive.

Ok, we have a tag here to the lesser Psycho Twin. Not really a hot tag, but he gets a few arm drags in - some solid offense. He seems to be doing a rather good job here against a couple of legendary wrestlers like the Bushwhackers. He also seems to be doing a little strutting of some sort. Getting rather cocky, wouldn't you say?

Ok, the fat one is back in. And the outside members of each team have moved to the same corner of the ring. This could be explosive, ladies and gentlemen! They're so close, they could start to wail on each other right now! Oh no...they're talking. Seem to be having a nice conversation.

Wait a minute. It appears the mini Psycho Twin has said something to Bushwhacker Luke that has him upset. What's that he's saying? "Cocks"? I can't imagine why that has him so upset. Maybe the little one made some sort of proposition to him. In any case, the tables have certainly turned here at the Nash CC. The Bushwhackers have taken over the match, which makes sense, seeing as how they are clearly the better trained of the teams.

Hang on, pandemonium has broken out here at Wrestle-Rama! Though of course, this event is no stranger to wildness, I can tell you. It appears a couple of hooligans have entered the ring and are attacking both teams. They're either street toughs or Kid 'n Play. I can't be sure. This is madness, friends! Pure madness!

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Alright, enough of that. Actually, I don't have much to say about the wrestling, but rather how this clip typifies everything I hate about sitcoms. We have two characters completely out of their element, yet they somehow are seeming to manage themselves rather well. Then we have the goofy character make a mistake, which causes things to go awry. Then we have the stupid characters try to help, but only end up making things worse. We have a young child telling the truth, only to be scoffed at by adults, and then later the adults are forced to recant their previous disbelief, of course pulling a silly face and dropping something they were carrying. We have exaggerated mannerisms. And the entire time, I can't tell if the characters believe that professional wrestling is real or fake. Finally, you have the two main characters trying to move while injured, causing them to wince in pain and only do things to hurt themselves more.

Oh, and we also have the pronunciation "ambahlance," which is just HYSTERICAL.

Seriously, give me the premise "Carl and Steve have to wrestle the Bushwhackers" and I would have given you every last plot point. Family Matters, I'm glad you're dead.


Matt's video to Adam- The Miz vs Scotty 2 Hotty




Adam's response...

The more things change, the more they stay the same. Sure, The Miz is now running a pretty high profile program with John Cena, but it's the same basic gimmick as today. The Miz is running some kind of "epic streak" which isn't all that epic at all. Get it? Because he's a cocky heel.

Or an asshole. Most likely that.

Don't believe me? Think he's just an effective heel? Well let's pull up some of "Mike Mizanin's" tweets.

welcome to the world of the miz. im awesome be jealous

i love girl interviewers i start hitting on them to get them out of their element. so much fun. done with prague headed to serbia

@jimmyfallon best hangover remedy..before sleep take a multivitamin n two tylenol pms. every time u get up to pee drink a glass of water

im finally back in america and the only song thats goin through my head is america f*ck yeah...


That's not to say I don't give credit where credit is due. The Miz is decent enough in the ring, but this Mike Mizanin is pretty green. He botchs a lot of "athletic" moves that I couldn't do with months of training. Also, I actually like the announcers in this match. Well, not completely.

You see, Mike Mizanin is a heel. Always has been, always will be. But for whatever reason, Michael Cole (who is always a face play by play) is supporting the Miz. JBL, the heel color man, hates him. So that's an odd dynamic. Of course, JBL also spends most of the match putting himself over, so needless to say, I hate commentators not named "Bobby 'The Brain' Heenan" and "'Macho Man' Randy Savage."

Although it was kind of funny that JBL mentioned Nick Hogan since this match was a total car wreck.

As for the other unfortunate participant in this abortion, Scotty 2 Hotty. Well, I feel bad for him. He sort of got fired after losing this match. Can't say I blame WWE, though. I mean, if you're under The Miz on the food chain...

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