OH BABY, I like it Raw! Three of a Kind?

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

For a theme song to accompany this post, please press play an enjoy...



Raw was in Las Vegas last week, hence the silly subtitle. Let's move on.

There's no guest host this week, which makes me sad. Actually, it turned out there was a guest host, boxer Floyd Mayweather, but he couldn't be bothered to show up for the start of the show. So that means no matches until he arrives, right?


Ok, I'm wrong on that too. Apparently, Triple H is handed the duty of making matches in the guest host's absence. It's all clear to me now. Allow me to explain:

You see, the boys from Degeneration-X were throwing a little birthday party for Vince McMahon, and making all number of jokes because...


and...

When all of sudden, just as the party was getting good, those youngsters from Legacy showed up and ruined the whole thing! Which gave Triple H the idea to make a match for later tonight (last week!) with all of Legacy, Hoggo included, versus D-X and Mr. McMahon! What a wild start of the night!

The Miz, eager to prove he's worthy of a United States title shot, beat up resident clown Santino Marella. You'd think if you were going after the United States title, he'd at least fight someone from America. I'm just sayin'.

Next, seeing as how the guest host still isn't here, it seems about time for the Divas to have a boxing-themed match in his honor. This should be grand. I can't wait to see what the nitwits backstage have cooked up for-

I take back anything mean I've said about anything.

K-squared, I'm just going to send you a business card. All the pertinent information will be located thereon. This match ended, I think. For all I know, it's still going on somewhere in Heaven right now.

Don't look so confused, ref. You know what to do.

Well, look who finally decided to show up, after the divas match. Terrible timing, my friend.

He has money stuffed behind his watch. And his belt looks like the speed boosts from Excitebike.

Of course, Big Show was instantly in a confrontation with Mayweather, harboring anger from a throw-away match a year and a half ago. This meant our new host wasn't in any mood to do the Tag Team champs many favors. Which means he put them in a match against MVP and Mark Henry.


The newly formed team beat the two seasoned veterans, which earned them a shot at the titles at the next pay-per-view. Is there some equal opportunity requirement with the tag titles that I don't know about?

Finally, it's time for the main event.

No tanks this time, fellas?

McMahon came out with training gloves on, sticking with the whole boxing motif. Now it was Legacy's turn to enter the arena. I understand that before the match, Randy instructed young Cody Rhodes to not look so confused during the entrance this time.


This match was hard fought all the way. As is custom, Shawn got cut off in the middle of the ring, and had to somehow will himself to a tag.

Every one of those signs looks straight about of a WWE video game.

Somehow, the match ended when Vince McMahon pinned not-the-legal-man Randy Orton, but I guess that somehow falls under the "No DQ" stipulation that was set for this match.


And yes, eagle eye, that's Mr. John Cena in the background. He showed up just in time to help our heroes by doing one move on Randy Orton. Thanks!

You won't want to miss the show tonight, as our guest host Dusty Rhodes devours the entire crafts services table during a single commercial break! Live on USA, 9/8c

You're welcome.

R U READY TO DOWN SOME SMACK??? Summerfestivites

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

There's a school of thought that the first match of the night should be a very hot match. It should get the crowd off their hands and set the tone for the entire night. Now would a DX pop have been a good way to open the show? Sure, why not? But it didn't. WWE decided to open their second biggest PPV of the year with a title match from Smackdown.

And why not? Smackdown is awesome. So for the second straight PPV, Dolph Ziggler (who states that he is perfection) took on Rey Mysterio for the Intercontinental title! And this was a very different match then the one that took place at Night of Champions. For starters, Ziggler got in some offense.

Ummm...kinda.

And he actually learned a few things from last time too!

"Oh! Avoiding the telegraphed move is how you block it! Duh!"

OWWW! BELLY FLOP!

Alas, it wasn't meant to be, as Ziggler did not plan for the dreaded Hurricanrana!

How could anyone fail the Wellness policy when they feel so good at that moment?

Also, WWE character development writers are stupid.

Cocky heel from Hollywood is fine...but Hollywood, FL? Really? Well, Billy Mitchel is from there, and he's a giant heel...

Cryme Tyme got their tag title shot against Chris Jericho and Fat Justin Credible.

It's really uncanney.

Cryme Tyme did the best they could, but the match was really never in doubt.

You tapped out to that weak finisher? Bring back the Liontamer!

The Great Khali and KANE had a real zzzzzzzzzzzzzz



Still, all that above stuff? Bullshit. This is right here is what we came here for. Jeff Hardy defends his world title against CM Punk in a Tables, Ladders, and Chairs match.

However, before that, WWE.com writers are stupid.

They aren't twins or even related, so of course they will be "different" men. DUH!

So since DX decided that their intro needed to be a 20 minute act of war, Punk and Hardy needed to rush through their main event to make time. So the ladders came into play about...a minute into the match. But you know (tm) what? It just made things more awesome.

Pfft..wrestling's fake.

Bunch of pansies. That ladder is made of cotton candy and pillows.

Also..who wants to wrestle in the ring WHEN YOU CAN JUMP OUT ONTO CONCRETE?!!??!


Or, I dunno, chair someone in the head on the announce table, climb a ladder as high as Mick Foley's Hell in a Cell bump, and...well it's the announce table so you know what's going to happen.








Quick Punk! Now that he's on a stretcher! The match is yours!

"This is as high as you get!"

Oh yea Jeff? Well it doesn't matter anyway! Punk wins the ladder match. Clean, mind you. Or at least as clean as a TLC match can be. Something you surely will never know about.

And now, in the spirit of great web comics, here is a retelling of Summerslam's final moments.










Now what exactly does Undertaker have against a clean lifestyle? I guess we'll find out later tonight! I don't know what time because the Yankees are on My9, but it's raining, so who knows?! But it'll be on hulu.com eventually!

LOL, Wresslin' introduces: TweetNA

Occasionally, we Laugh Twins have to admit our own fallibility. We are but two humans. Better humans than you, of course, but humans nonetheless. We have our passions, and we have our biases.

Because of these, we alienate parts of the wrestling world on a regular basis. We laugh at TNA behind the scenes, but rarely on the site. Ring of Honor may as well not exist. Even WWE products get shuffled to the side; we've mentioned WWE Superstars once, only because someone asked us to, and we can't even find ECW on television.

However, all of that is about to change. Well, it changed a couple weeks ago, but we're just now deciding to make it a regular feature. You probably know that we have a Twitter page, and until now, it's only been used to alert you to new posts on the site and very occasionally present a funny aside. No longer, LOL Fans! Today, we officially bring "TweetNA" out of beta and give it to the world!

The basic premise is this: we watch TNA Impact on Spike at 9/8c and we tweet about how silly it is. Groundbreaking, we know, but try to keep up. Sample tweets from our previous outings go like this:

Dear Sting...Affliction shirts look even worse on old men. Stick to
Tommy Bahamas.

If Christy is caught with performance enhancing drugs, can we call them
"Hemmeroids"?

***ALERT*** Kevin Nash tore his bicep signing a contract!!

You get the picture. Along with our own comments, we'll reach out to our long list of TNA tweeters that we're following and get their opinions as well. Take, for instance, this exchange between the Laugh Twins and new TNA color man Taz:

LT: @TNAOnline is taped. You couldn't fix @OfficialTaz's "Bubba" gaff in post?

Taz: @LOL_Wresslin why? Fix what? I'll prob call him Bubba and Brother Ray the rest of the shows going forward!!!

LT: @OfficialTaz: We believe you just let us survive...

Taz: @LOL_Wresslin lol

So you see?? Even the Human Suplex Machine is taking some time out to LOL @ Wresslin! You should too! We'll be there tonight, tweeting our little fingers off!

W.W.W. featuring the WWF Locker Room and Kevin Nash

On Wednesdays, we here at LOL, Wresslin' like to really pull out the stops and offer up a double shot of righteously killer content. Why Wednesday? Well, we could impress you with market research, work habit studies, and human psychology tendencies to show you there's a scientific reason the middle of the week is the best time to bring your A-game. However, truth be told, we don't have any of that stuff and settled on Wednesday because that was the only day that didn't have any content scheduled.

So, here you have "Watch Wresslin' Wednesdays." Please feel free to suggest a better title, because we are woefully uncreative when it comes to naming stuff.

Better at naming stuff than us

The idea of W.W.W. is we each send the other a video that is related to wrestling (a match, promo, interview, guest starring spot, etc.). The only restriction is that it cannot be user-created, so your poorly digitized, music video tribute to Bryan Danielson "selling out" a'int going to fly here, pal. Neither of us know what kind of video we're going to get that day.

After viewing, we each write a response. This could be anything we choose: a straight commentary, a philosophical enlightenment, or classless ridicule. Just as we don't know what kind of video the other will select, neither do we know what the other will write or how they will write it. What you end up with is a mash-up of styles, which in our book equates to two-blogs-in-one, and we can take the rest of the day off.

Adam's video to Matt - Vince holds the WWF meeting



Matt's response...

This is the number one reason why I would want to work for WWE. The WWE on Earth-53, that is. You see, under normal circumstances, I'm sure company meetings are rather bland. But in the WWE universe, meetings consist of getting every character on the roster into the same room and trying to conduct a reasonable amount of business. That, my friends, would be comedy right in front of your eyes.

Take this one, for example. The title says Vince runs the meeting, and he eventually says his piece, but look who kicks this thing off. The APA. Do Farooq and Bradshaw resemble anyone you've seen at a board meeting? Ever?

"Alright, let's get this thing started." "Damn."

Next, it makes sense for Mr. McMahon to step in and rally the troops behind this hostile attack from a rival company. And just as he's getting everybody in the room on the same page, in steps the Undertaker to throw a wrench into things. Again, tell me how often that's happened around the office.

"Alright...now we'll be hearing from the director of the Death Valley branch."

As much genius as there is contained in this video, it also highlights a little thing that's interesting about the internet: false claims of ownership.

Quick, who can tell me who silentrock06 is? Any of you?

If you can't, that just proves that you're not part of the WWE, because they would know that silentrock06 owns at least three minutes and 43 seconds of their property. How do I know this? Well, his name is plastered all over this video, even so much as to garner a credit at the end, listing his name and where he posted this video - Daily Motion.

So not only has silentrock06 stolen the video from WWE, but someone else took the video from another video hosting site and put it on YouTube. And no one seems to care.

Now, granted, if people didn't post video from professional wrestling shows that most certainly is protected by a copyright somewhere, then we wouldn't have much of a column. That's kind of the whole point of what you're reading right now. However, we're not surprised when we skim through the site and notice that things are taken down from time to time. It was bound to happen.

But taking something that clearly isn't yours and then slapping your name across it, as if somehow you were part of its creation, seems quite bold indeed. It's like stealing someone's car, and then stitching your name into the seat. There seems to be a disconnect about who actually owns something.

I know I'm spitting into a hurricane here, but it's just something that bugs me. Put stuff up on YouTube all you want, but don't be surprised if it gets pulled, and don't add yourself to the credits. I suppose you could be nice about it, like the kid that uploaded a segment from Raw that Adam was watching not long ago who said "Please don't take this down; I don't own it!!!" as if that were supposed to make a difference. At least he asked nicely.

So silentrock06, I hope this is what you wanted. You've got your modicum of fame, and have even made it onto the wrestling comedy blog of record, so congratulations. Now go create something of your own, you louse!


Matt's Video to Adam- Kevin Nash Wants Batman



Adam's response...

Something tells me that this segment is not on the new Rise and Fall of WCW DVD that just dropped the other day. That's not because it's good or bad or an example of typical WCW lunacy. It's just that this isn't part of WCW. It's really part of this:


You think I'm joking? Well hear me out. There are many similarities. First, both properties were owned by Time Warner. Second, both involved sexy nurses. There also are many references to Batman, a property also owned by Time Warner.

I know it's Tiny Toons. Same studio.

So if you watch TNA (and I know you don't) you should know that the Kevin Nash/Jeff Jarrett feud is as long as the day is....long...I guess. One of the more noticeable aspects of it was the time that Jarrett smashed Nash over the head with a guitar, much like El Kabong. Nash would suffer amnesia, another link in the guitar shot/neurological disorder connection (I think this might be more evidence.) Anyway, this amnesia lead Nash to identifying himself only as "The Commissioner."

Above: Kevin Nash

Not realizing that Michael Chiklis is part of the Fantastic Four, Nash then states that "the Joker has escaped...the asylum...." and cries out for Batman. How a man who didn't know his own name can somehow figure out the Joker is terrorizing Gotham City is beyond me, but hey, if Vince Russo thinks it's funny who am I to judge?

Now, let's presuppose that Kevin Nash is really Commissioner Gordon. Or at least thinks he is. Why would he call Bruce Wayne to find Batman? Forget the little "wink" about that for a moment. If Nash is really Gordon, then wouldn't he use the Bat-Signal? Or, at the very least (since he mentioned Chief O'Hara, thus referencing the 1960's television show Batman), the red bat phone?

Totally inconspicuous. I'd never recognize that if I were to see it in Bruce Wayne's private study...

This is where the entire segment falls apart. Continuity is important, people! Especially when you mix up wrestling with comics! What? Stop singing "Bingo" and listen to me!

I hate you, Big Sexy. So much.

The final frontier

The renowned physicist Stephen Hawking theorized that the Universe is ever expanding; this also is true for the WWE Universe! In a recent interview with the LA Times (nice photo, by the way), WWE CEO Vince McMahon dropped this small bombshell:

"We have a lot of clout."

Now, what exactly does that mean? Well it seems that there are plans for WWE to start their own cable network!

Wait a second...

True, they already have the on demand network that nobody gets, but this will be different. This will be an actual network with original programming and scheduling and ad revenue and everything! Now, we can hear you guys hyperventilating from here. Please just relax and let us relax. Raw and ECW will still be on their respective channels, so you won't have to miss those when the network launches. However, we were able to seduce Linda McMahon work some sources last night, and we got out hands on an internal WWE memo for the first year of programming. Take a look:

Raw Postgame Show: Joey Styles hosts a live post game show that interviews many of the WWE stars after every Monday's Raw! They'll also have live footage of any post-show antics that may go on and take live calls from the WWE Universe.

Florida Championship Wrestling: Every Saturday will have an hour of developmental wrestlers working to become future WWE stars!

Tough Enough: Returning after a hiatus, Tough Enough will be the WWE reality show that shows how hard being a developmental wrestler is. You better be good enough to be in the top 8 if you want that trip to Cancun, rooks!

There were hotter pics we could use, but we respect her as a wrestler...

Real World/Road Rules Challenge reruns: If G4 can pimp Man Show reruns as a big syndication deal, then WWE can show us footage of The Miz when he was more annoying and immature then he is today. Let that one sink in for a moment.

Uncle Ric Flair's Story-time: Take a seat by the fire and listen to the Nature Boy regale you with tales from the road. Marvel at his "jeweled cape" and legendary stories of decadence and fiscal irresponsibility.

Cookin' with Good Ole' JR: Learn how to make down home BBQ and fried chicken with the voice of Smackdown! (guest appearances by Shelton Benjamin and Cryme Tyme)

Get Fit with the Divas: This is a show that exists so men can masturbate to it.

WWE Movie Night: Watch See No Evil, The Condemned, The Marine, and other WWE films intercut with commentaries from the stars themselves! Also watch never before seen films that just didn't make the cut, like WWE's remake of Bill and Ted.

No joke, but we had this idea YEARS ago. We also wrote it down here. We're just sayin'!

WWE Hall of Fame Ceremony: Live and in it's entirety! Finally, the show we all want and probably the reason we'll all subscribe to this network.

Also expect monthly themes to tie into whatever is going on in the WWE Universe at the time. So numerous Wrestlemania retrospectives, Summerslam retrospectives, Royal Rumble retrospectives, and blooper shows will air through out the year!

Although there is no definite date set for this network to launch, start the letter campaigns now. Write your cable/satellite providers and Congressmen and demand your WWE cable channel! Because would you really watch channel 183 otherwise?

OH BABY, I like it Raw! Summerfestivities!

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

For a theme song to accompany this post, please press play and enjoy...



So last night was SummerSlam! Instead of recapping last week's Raw, as is custom in this space, I'll talk a bit about SummerSlam instead. Think of it as time travel, only way cheaper!

Not just for the rich elite anymore!

Raw's first match of the night is Jack Swagger versus MVP for no reason other than Swagger once calling MVP a criminal.


Swagger fought hard, as an All-American American would be expected to do. But then, tragedy struck...

"My tummy!! Owwww!"

And then, it struck again...


So MVP won that one. I guess that work release program is going alright for him.

Next up is another grudge match with nothing on the line. DX against the little boys from Legacy. I guess we're supposed to be curious how this is going to turn out: two older guys who haven't teamed together in a while versus the young and upcoming tag team. Sounds pretty lopsided against DX, actually.

Well, if you add that...

...and that.

Personally, it seems very unsafe to fire a lot of machine guns and a tank at a live audience, but DX is always finding ways to kid around. Those jokers!

But Legacy wouldn't let that intimidate them, and they were ready for a fight!

Ok, maybe one of them was.

As you can expect, this match was hot and full of excitement from the very beginning.


Shawn went up on the top rope for a little elbow action, but Cody had other plans. However, those plans didn't last very long.

He even falls like an action figure.

Before too long, Trips and Teddy wanted to get in on the action too.

Alright, gentlemen, let's keep this clean.

They scuffled about a bit, but Shawn was itching to get back in on the action.


Naturally, the match ended with a superkick out of nowhere. So much out of nowhere, the cameraman was changing his lens and didn't get a picture of it. It looked something like this...

File footage.

Finally, Randy Orton would defend his title again against Mr. John Cena. Well, let's see if there's anything they haven't thought of yet.

Errrr, um, well...

I guess there is a little originality left.

Anyway, getting on with this match, things started looking pretty bad for Orton at one point, and he did anything a reasonable champion would do - he shoved the ref. Of course, this caused a disqualification, and Orton left with the title. But for some reason, this would be the one match that Vince McMahon was watching and decided to inject a little common sense into it. He ordered the match restarted, and Randy would lose the title if he got a DQ again.

I know, bro!

...but he didn't say anything about getting counted out, which is exactly what Orton decided to do next.


At which point, Mr. McMahon ordered to the match to be restarted again, only now he'd lose the title if he was counted out. Clearly things are not looking up for the WWE Champ-


Oh for goodness sake, Cena! Can't you finish already?


Anyway, Orton thought that he'd skirt the rules again by putting his feet on the ropes during a pin. He's not a fast learner though, because a ref came down to restart the match a third time, marking the only three times fairness has been employed in the WWE. But that wouldn't last long though. Orton was set to tap out to Cena, when...


Yes, a fan would rush the ring, and instead of trying to get on camera or shake hands with one of the superstars, they decided to attack the ref just when it would be in Orton's favor. Seems a little fishy to me, but these fans are crazy these days. Orton would eventually hit Cena with an RKO to keep the title. A long way to go for nothing.

So there's your SummerSlam recap. Be sure to tune in tonight for your guest host Floyd Mayweather, Jr., who is being questioned in connection with a shooting last night. Should be fun times! 9/8c on USA!