OH BABY, I like it Raw! Summerfestivities!

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

For a theme song to accompany this post, please press play and enjoy...



So last night was SummerSlam! Instead of recapping last week's Raw, as is custom in this space, I'll talk a bit about SummerSlam instead. Think of it as time travel, only way cheaper!

Not just for the rich elite anymore!

Raw's first match of the night is Jack Swagger versus MVP for no reason other than Swagger once calling MVP a criminal.


Swagger fought hard, as an All-American American would be expected to do. But then, tragedy struck...

"My tummy!! Owwww!"

And then, it struck again...


So MVP won that one. I guess that work release program is going alright for him.

Next up is another grudge match with nothing on the line. DX against the little boys from Legacy. I guess we're supposed to be curious how this is going to turn out: two older guys who haven't teamed together in a while versus the young and upcoming tag team. Sounds pretty lopsided against DX, actually.

Well, if you add that...

...and that.

Personally, it seems very unsafe to fire a lot of machine guns and a tank at a live audience, but DX is always finding ways to kid around. Those jokers!

But Legacy wouldn't let that intimidate them, and they were ready for a fight!

Ok, maybe one of them was.

As you can expect, this match was hot and full of excitement from the very beginning.


Shawn went up on the top rope for a little elbow action, but Cody had other plans. However, those plans didn't last very long.

He even falls like an action figure.

Before too long, Trips and Teddy wanted to get in on the action too.

Alright, gentlemen, let's keep this clean.

They scuffled about a bit, but Shawn was itching to get back in on the action.


Naturally, the match ended with a superkick out of nowhere. So much out of nowhere, the cameraman was changing his lens and didn't get a picture of it. It looked something like this...

File footage.

Finally, Randy Orton would defend his title again against Mr. John Cena. Well, let's see if there's anything they haven't thought of yet.

Errrr, um, well...

I guess there is a little originality left.

Anyway, getting on with this match, things started looking pretty bad for Orton at one point, and he did anything a reasonable champion would do - he shoved the ref. Of course, this caused a disqualification, and Orton left with the title. But for some reason, this would be the one match that Vince McMahon was watching and decided to inject a little common sense into it. He ordered the match restarted, and Randy would lose the title if he got a DQ again.

I know, bro!

...but he didn't say anything about getting counted out, which is exactly what Orton decided to do next.


At which point, Mr. McMahon ordered to the match to be restarted again, only now he'd lose the title if he was counted out. Clearly things are not looking up for the WWE Champ-


Oh for goodness sake, Cena! Can't you finish already?


Anyway, Orton thought that he'd skirt the rules again by putting his feet on the ropes during a pin. He's not a fast learner though, because a ref came down to restart the match a third time, marking the only three times fairness has been employed in the WWE. But that wouldn't last long though. Orton was set to tap out to Cena, when...


Yes, a fan would rush the ring, and instead of trying to get on camera or shake hands with one of the superstars, they decided to attack the ref just when it would be in Orton's favor. Seems a little fishy to me, but these fans are crazy these days. Orton would eventually hit Cena with an RKO to keep the title. A long way to go for nothing.

So there's your SummerSlam recap. Be sure to tune in tonight for your guest host Floyd Mayweather, Jr., who is being questioned in connection with a shooting last night. Should be fun times! 9/8c on USA!