W.W.W featuring The Godfather and The Four Horsemen

On Wednesdays, we here at LOL, Wresslin' like to really pull out the stops and offer up a double shot of righteously killer content. Why Wednesday? Well, we could impress you with market research, work habit studies, and human psychology tendencies to show you there's a scientific reason the middle of the week is the best time to bring your A-game. However, truth be told, we don't have any of that stuff and settled on Wednesday because that was the only day that didn't have any content scheduled.

So, here you have "Watch Wresslin' Wednesdays." Please feel free to suggest a better title, because we are woefully uncreative when it comes to naming stuff.

Better at naming stuff than us.

The idea of W.W.W. is we each send the other a video that is related to wrestling (a match, promo, interview, guest starring spot, etc.). The only restriction is that it cannot be user-created, so your ironic rap video about Buff Bagwell a'int going to fly here, pal. Neither of us know what kind of video we're going to get that day.

After viewing, we each write a response. This could be anything we choose: a straight commentary, a philosophical enlightenment, or classless ridicule. Just as we don't know what kind of video the other will select, neither do we know what the other will write or how they will write it. What you end up with is a mash-up of styles, which in our book equates to two-blogs-in-one, and we can take the rest of the day off.

Matt's video to Adam- The Godfather Crashng (sic) WWE Wedding



Adam's response...

Do you need more proof that WWE is its own planet? Look no further then their treatment of weddings. Weddings on earth-53 take about...three weeks to prepare. And they occur after about a solid...seven weeks of dating. And they always happen in the arena, in the middle of the ring. Think about that for a second. WWE is a nationally touring company that books their shows many months in advance. Yet somehow, they can make the arraignments to usurp television/event time to hold a private ceremony? Money, let alone logistics, must be insane to make that happen! Even with an employee discount!

About the actual wedding; it's always the main event of the show. As it should be. But is it really the best thing for this, the most sanctimonious of days? People were bleeding and sweating in that thing literally twenty minutes before the ceremony! And how come there is hardly any friends and family there? Just other wrestlers! And how do they determine which side the guests sit on if everyone is all a coworker!? And they're all dressed like crap! Boys, this is a wedding, not some club. Wear a suit. Now, a tux may be a bit too formal if you're not in the party, but you can wear a tie at least. It's a little sad when The Godfather is the most appropriately dressed for this function.

A baseball cap, Trevor? Really?

I know it's usually fine for a military man to wear his officer's uniform to formal events, but somehow I don't think "camo tee shirt" is acceptable.

Hacksaw Jim Duggan's 2X4 is better dressed more appropriately than you are, Kenny Dykstra.

I'll give Hornswaggle a pass. He's wearing a jacket and vest, and I imagine finding clothes is hard for him.

Clearly, this is every little girl's dream wedding. It's like she's a princess!

The next step is for the Godfather to come out just when the reverend was going to wed the happy couple. Perfect timing, almost as if it was planned for full dramatic effect. Many men rejoiced at the sound of his familiar Wah pedal.

Side note: We may have another fantastic exchange to accompany "Hold my money, Kanyon." JBL is doing his best Jerry Lawler impression when The Godfather comes out. Michael Cole is playing the straight man (kinda) in their pairing, and says "How many times have you been divorced." JBL's immediate reply? "Several." Brilliant in it simplicity, simple in its elegance, elegant in its brilliance.

Now for those not familiar with The Godfather, he was a pretty hot character in the late 90's during the "Attitude" era. In case watching the video left too much subtly, he was essentially portraying a pimp. As a pimp, he is forced to confront his old rival, Monogamy. So he offers an old, bald man the chance to pay for one night with a few "8's" over a lifetime of banging this and having her make him a sandwich on occasion. Teddy Long isn't Smackdown GM for nothing, and wisely turns down the Godfather's offer. However, The Godfather is not done. He then offers the "Ho Train" to all the other male wrestler (who are totally straight). They rejoice.

"Yea, I knew being a wrestler would finally get us some sweet tang!"

Here's the problem. There are at least forty dudes here. Maybe five women. Not a lot to go around, fellas. But what's even better is how all the Divas (and female guests) are horrified by the behavior of The Godfather and his influence.


The one in blue is Brooke Adams. She was on ECW for a hot second and had the gimmick of "girl who is into The Miz" (a performance she should have won an Emmy for). Are you really so upset that some douchebag took part in douchebaggery? I used the finest research tools a my disposal, and I have to ask: is being around The Godfather more demeaning then placing in Miss Hawaiian Tropic and Miss Bikini USA model searches? Where the entire point is objectification of women? You know (tm) Brooke, they say people in glass houses...

Of course, this wouldn't be WWE if we didn't end on a hilarious joke. Gerald Brisco wants to join the Ho Train, but Pat Patterson holds him back? Why would he do that? Is Patterson some sort of gay?

Oh, he is? Really? He's actually an open homosexual who is also a high ranking official in an industry that presents that lifestyle in a negative aspect? He should actually be viewed as a model of courage. dignity, and class? His life story is interesting? Well you don't say...

Adam's video to Matt - Brian Pillman joins the Four Horseman



Matt's response...

Let me just say that it's always nice to see a little Tony Schiavone in a video. He doesn't really do much here, but he's still nice to have around; like an old dog that lays at your feet.

Here, however, I will focus on the three centerpieces of this video, in a little segment I call "Crazy, Crazier and Craziest."

Crazy - Arn Anderson

Now, you may think it a little odd to call Arn Anderson "crazy." After all, he keeps his stuff together and simply cuts a nice promo putting over the Horseman. Pretty simple, right? Well, for the sake of the bit, I couldn't call it "Somewhat Normal, Crazier and Craziest," so just go with me here.

You do need to question the mental capacity of someone that rides with the likes of these other two. Something must not be right up there. Also, Arn invokes "pure mathematics and the law of physics" in their victory over Sting. Tell me that's not at least a little crazy.

The Fourth Horseman.

Crazier - Brian Pillman

Judging by this video, some my disagree with not giving the ultimate crazy honors to Mr. Pillman, but honestly, who was going to unseat Flair? Aside from that, Flyin' Brian more than earns the title, and you can look at it more like a 1-A/1-B situation.

First, Pillman basically admits to conspiracy to commit murder, saying that Flair "cut Sting's throat" and then excidely describing the "carnage that ensued." No one seems that concerned that a man was killed in the middle of the ring, but I think this is something that should be investigated. We have a taped confession. This should be a slam-dunk.

Also, I can't prove this, but I think some gangs also call themselves a "dynasty," so that doesn't really explain that characterization away.

Finally, he does this:

This during Arn's time on the mic. I kind of feel bad for Arn, because this dude is crawling about the ring and acting a general fool.

However, he can't nearly equal our final entry for tonight...

Craziest - Ric Flair

Effectively the craziest person to ever have a wrestling microphone shoved in their face. Some may argue that title goes to Shawn Stasiak, New Jack or even the Ultimate Warrior. But there's a difference between "crazy" and "insane," at least for the purposes of this article.

Allow me to provide a transcript of his first moments on the mic:

ARN

And you know what that means...Tell 'em Naitch!

ARN and RIC clasp hands in a show of friendship and solidarity.

RIC

Speaks gibberish

RIC runs from one end of the ring to the other, strutting in between and forcing others out of the way.

Ric is so crazy, that he distracts Schiavone while he's interviewing Arn Anderson.

And, in the true mark of a crazy person, Ric fails to indicate where his similes end, inevitably leading me to believe that all of the Horsemen are in town, ready to "go to work" on every woman they meet. Though, I suppose that's not all that far fetched.