W.W.W. featuring The Diamond Stud and The American Males

On Wednesdays, we here at LOL, Wresslin' like to really pull out the stops and offer up a double shot of righteously killer content. Why Wednesday? Well, we could impress you with market research, work habit studies, and human psychology tendencies to show you there's a scientific reason the middle of the week is the best time to bring your A-game. However, truth be told, we don't have any of that stuff and settled on Wednesday because that was the only day that didn't have any content scheduled.

So, here you have "Watch Wresslin' Wednesdays." Please feel free to suggest a better title, because we are woefully uncreative when it comes to naming stuff.

Better at naming stuff than us

The idea of W.W.W. is we each send the other a video that is related to wrestling (a match, promo, interview, guest starring spot, etc.). The only restriction is that it cannot be user-created, so your video of 60 wrestler impressions in 90 seconds ain't going to fly here, pal. Neither of us know what kind of video we're going to get that day.

After viewing, we each write a response. This could be anything we choose: a straight commentary, a philosophical enlightenment, or classless ridicule. Just as we don't know what kind of video the other will select, neither do we know what the other will write or how they will write it. What you end up with is a mash-up of styles, which in our book equates to two-blogs-in-one, and we can take the rest of the day off.


Matt's video to Adam- Scott Hall RARE promo



Adam's response...

Ah yes, the good old days. A time when men were men, women were women, and that's it. Everyone had class out the ass. Kids these days don't even know, you know (tm).

1/3rd of this group are men.

Take for example, Magnum TA. The man may have been paralyzed on one side and can't wrestle anymore, but he had class. Sure, many sports broadcasters go to events wearing a suit (and looking professional), but he goes above and beyond. He wears a tux with a festive red bow tie! I'm thinking of a word that starts with a CLA and ends with an ASS.

Or the hair? Lordy lordy, how about that hair? Business in the front of course. This is a classy time. But the back? Party town USA, bro. It's important to straddle that line, as it means both the boss and the janitor take you seriously.

Dick Whitman

Of course, this isn't a style guide. No, this is an office. An office of pain, no doubt. But an office nonetheless. And that's where this segment falls apart. I'm speaking to you, Diamond Dallas Page. First thing is, you're trying too hard. The Z Man should want to work with you, not be afraid of your Diamond Stud. Second, you're lying. No one pays "good money" for the advice of an iliterate. But still, I can tell you need a little more convincing.

This life that we live. It's more than just body slams and arm bars. It's about taking time out to smell the roses. It's about remembering what it means to be a child. We aren't selling a ticket to fans.We're providing them a dynamic morality tale set in the fast paced world of tomorrow. Good vs Evil, hard work vs the easy way. All at our finger tips. Hell, it's almost within our influence. So sure, let other promotion's dish out "wrasslin'" with contempt for their "marks." We'll be better. We'll dish out one slice of America at a time. Now gentlemen, I don't know if that's something you'd want to buy, but I sure can bet that it's not anything but damn appealing.

Adam's video to Matt - The American Males vs. Dick Slater



Matt's reponse...

Director's Commentary for WCW Saturday Night

Ah, yes...here we have a marquee match-up, indicative of the type of action you'd normally see on the show. Dick Slater, having done something to upset these two gentlemen, is going to face them in a two-on-one match. This should be a good time.

I love how we cut to that fan giving the thumbs-down. That's a good way to show new fans that this Slater fella is not someone you should cheer for. He's unpopular with the fans in attendance.

Alright...now, I can't really explain why we decided to run a pre-recorded message from Bagwell and Riggs during their introduction. You can't really hear what they're saying, and what's worse, you can't hear their incredible theme song. Of all the decisions made at WCW, this might be one of the worst. Only time will tell, I suppose, but it's a shame nonetheless.

You may think it a fault of the commentators to talk about the upcoming six-man lumberjack match coming up, but that was my call. You see, I knew this match was going to be the big draw on the show. That's the perfect time to promo a match that really isn't going to have that much hype in the first place. Hogan and Macho? Who cares? So this was a good time to make sure people were aware it was coming up.

And yes, I did tell them to say "Dick isn't afraid to take on two men."

Finally, despite the commentators throwing it to a different clip, I thought it was important to show you the finish of the match you just saw. Really sink that in. Also, it's good to go all the way back the Males entrance. It really has nothing to do with the outcome of the match, but it's worth seeing again, isn't it?

Friendly Chit Chat with...."The Man Scout" Jake Manning

As LOL, Wresslin's audience continues to grow and grow, so does our influence. What follows is the first installment in our new weekly regular semi-regular feature where we sit down with some of wrestling's movers and shakers.

(l-r) Interviwee, Laugh Twins

Up next is Seal of Awesomeness recipient, "The Man Scout" Jake Manning. We've previously discussed Mr. Manning before, but due to his elusive nature had to stop short of "He rules." We implored him to get in touch, and low and behold, he did. Presented for your pleasure is our friendly chit chat with The Man Scout.

The obvious question comes from your gimmick. It’s really unlike anything we’ve ever seen. Where did the inspiration for the Man Scout character come from?

Well, I'm a legit Eagle Scout. Born and raised in a small town of 82 people in Iowa. My mother is a school teacher and my dad is a farmer. I was the Prom King and captain of the football and track team. I'm almost as American as apple pie. I think it just fits my personality because I travel to a lot of big cities and it feels like some people in those cities play by a different set of rules. Why can't we all follow the Man Scout Manual?

Who’s your favorite wrestler of all time and favorite wrestler currently working today?

I have always been a huge fan of pro wrestling. I use to do a lot stuff like tear up my shirt like Hulk Hogan in gym class. I would Rock Bottom my friends on the high jump mats. I shaved my head to look like Steve Austin. Huge fan and even bigger mark. But most of the guys who were main event wrestlers were 6 foot 5 inches and 250lbs. I was at best 5'11 and most of time before I got into the business I was less than 200lbs.

Well, some people may not like this story but it’s true. But when I was in college I saw Kurt Angle wrestle Chris Benoit at the Royal Rumble in 2003. I was moved and I decided that maybe I can do this. If I use these two as role models maybe I can be as good as them one day. So, I was obsessed with those two. Well, needless to say these men's personal lives have not been an example to follow. But I owe them everything because without them I would not be in the business today.

Another major influence in my professional and personal life has been Bobby Eaton. He is the greatest professional wrestler of all time. I just filmed an event for Highspots.com where Steve Keirn said that Bobby Eaton was the greatest of all time. Ric Flair was the first one on his feet for the standing ovation. Enough said.

Favorite wrestling memory?

I have so many of them. I think getting the email from my future boss Michael, at Highspots.com telling me I have been chosen for an internship at Highspots.com. Of course 3 months turned into 4 years last May. The move to Charlotte, NC from the Midwest has the best thing every to happen to my career. I have meet, wrestled, talked to, taken a picture with, learned from, and have a story about just about everyone in this business. I have been living my dream for the last 4 years and made a little money off of it. Who can say that?

Coolest thing that’s happened in your career? What would be your career highlight?

Getting to train with Ric Flair and Ricky Steamboat on a regular basis, I wrestled a dark match for the WWE, and I wrestled Jerry Lawler for 30 minutes one night. Other than the things from above, I think the match I had with Richie Steamboat in December of 2008 was a pretty big deal for me. The match was near perfect. Mostly because The Dragon laid it out for us, but I really feel like we both stepped up to the plate that night. Even though, I only have a few years in and he had less than 30 matches- if that- under his belt at that point our competitiveness wouldn't let the other fail. It was in front of several thousand people and on the same card as Hogan and Flair. I think in my mind and in a lot of people's mind we stole the show. Watch it for yourself if you want.

Is Richie Steamboat your favorite person to work with?

Well, after that last answer, Richie Steamboat has to be towards the top. But I've got a lot of great talent in this area. Caleb Konley, Charlie Dreamer, newcomer Cedric Alexander, Bobo Brazil Jr., Joey Silvia, Team Macktion and KC McKnight. Then there are a lot of guys out there that I have had some really good matches with Tony Kozina, Mark Sterling, Brad Allen, Sterling James Keenan, Steve Corino, Sal Rinauro and Guy Smith.

In addition to wrestling you also have a job with Highspots, which is a sort of all-purpose wrestling store online. What exactly do you do with them?

I am the sole video editor for Highspots.com. If it was edited by Highspots.com I did it. For example, The Ric Flair Shoot Interview, Ric & Roddy Roundtable, Omega: Uncommon Passion, all the volumes of Classic Memphis Wrestling, Boogie Woogie Front Yard Bash, and Heroes of Burke County.

How’d that come about?

Colt Cabana told me the place to be for Indy wrestling is the east coast. So, I was hunting on the Internet for chances to get out here. Well, Highspots gave me one and I took it and ran.

Does working for Highspots have any benefits for your wrestling career and vice verse?

Well, the pros out weight the cons 24/7 but a lot times since Highspots.com is a growing company sometimes we rub people the wrong way. Which I understand, but I'm just trying to make a living and get my wrestling career off the ground. Don't penalize me because you have a problem with the person who signs my pay check. Also, sometimes I have to be more about business instead of "being one of the boys" from time to time. Either, because I need to worry about setting up and tearing down the ring, or worry about filming the show, or selling gimmicks. Some nights it is very hard do all of that and still wrestling a show stealing 20 min match, but most of the time I get it done.

Well that brings up the entire life of an independent wrestler. Working a straight 9-5 and then hitting the road for a show has to be a haul. How would you describe the current indy scene?

Wrestling is awful everywhere except WWE and the fans have a lot to do with it. No one buys a ticket to watch a show anymore. Fans want to get themselves over. The parents set a bad example by either yelling out that’s fake or boring. Caleb Konely's favorite thing to hear come out of a wrestling fan parent's mouth, "Hey son, run up there and hit that wrestler he knows how to take a punch". Do these people act like this anywhere else? Do you buy a ticket to a concert or a sporting event and feel like you should be the star of the show? Wrestling fans do. Do you yell “BORING! BORING!” when a football team is in a huddle or during a time out? Wrestling fans do. Do you go to a baseball game and in the first inning at the first at bat do you scream out, "Hit a Home Run!"? And when they don't do you tell them that they suck? Wrestling fans do. My bitterness in shared by many for example,

What can you do to insure that they don’t yell “BORING!” at you? What do you think a wrestler needs to do to make his mark on the indys?

Bill Demott really inspired me to do the Man Scout after wrestling as just Jake Manning for 3 years. He said, "Be different. If fans can remember you on the car ride home you have done your job." How many guys are there that are bald and have a facial hair? It is very easy to get lost in the shuffle. But it is very hard to forget a guy who wears a Boy Scout shirt to the ring.

We agree that being different and standing out is important for any success in life. But as comedy snobs we have a few questions about the Man Scout character. After watching some of your YouTube promos and matches, it’s very clear to see that you are a heel. However, one thing that’s crossed our minds when we watch is how your promos always end with the character performing something hypocritical (telling a kid to go outside on a nature hike only to then turn around watch the Playboy channel yourself, frequent swearing, and other unscout like behavior). This of course humanizes him. However, have you given any thought to possibly going the other way in future promos? Portray him as a super face that is so annoying and bland that he draws the heat that way. Think early 2000’s Kurt Angle.

But that has already been done before. I'm trying to come at it from the approach that I think I'm better than you because I have a uniform and I have a code of conduct. Much like these hypocritical preachers you see on TV. If you cornered me in an interview on my unscoutlike behavior I would just tell you that I have a badge of honor and you don't. Much like those people who think because they go to church every week and think that they are better than everyone else, even though they don't practice their faith in real life. Being a good person makes you a good person not doing what you think a good person should do.

Those were just trial runs of the character anyways.

Looking back on it they are the worst things I have ever done. When promoters see those clips they think all I do is tell fart jokes in the ring. So, people book me then tell me “don't do the Man Scout I want a serious wrestler.” When that happens I do one of two things: ignore them and do it anyways or have the same match I would if I wore my Scout shirt to the ring. And then nobody remembers the bald guy with the beard. It’s like “what was his name again?”

We’ll let you go on an uncomfortable question. When you were in Tyler, TX on July 4^th, you didn’t happen to put the moves on Matt’s lady, did you?

I'm sure I did. Any halfway decent girl at a wrestling show is going to get hit on by me, jack!

OH BABY, I like it Raw! The Entertainer

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

For a theme song to accompany this post, please press play and enjoy...



As Raw continues the ever-entertaining guest host for the night, royalty has graced us with his presence. That's right, one of the original "Kings of Comedy," Cedric the Entertainer, is our general manager this evening! We know things are going to be crazy, because after he pulls up in his limo, all number of people jump out: football players, a farmer with a goat, an old lady, and a rabbi performing a bris. A wild night ahead of us indeed!

As we build toward WWE's next pay-per-view, "Hell in a Cell," one of the main rivalries developing is that of DX versus Legacy. Last week (two weeks ago), Shawn locked up with Ted DiBiase. Now, we get Triple H having a go at the young Cody Rhodes. Can we expect as much entertainment from this match??

Errr...ummmm...

The match was back and forth, with Legacy even managing to take out Hunter's partner on the outside of the ring. All that's left is for Codes to do whatever his finisher is and make the-


Oh wait!!! It's not over!!!


That, of course, would result in Triple H going down as the winner of that one in the record books. Never ones to leave well-enough alone, Legacy decided they'd put HHH's head in the folding chair and commit some good, old fashioned homicide.

Now don't go getting some crazy ideas, kiddos.

However, it seems a couple of newcomers forgot about that important third member of DX...


Legacy ran from the ring, unable to double up on an injured senior citizen clumsily wielding a hammer.

Here comes Cedric again!


It seems he has some jokes for us, but I'll be damned if I knew who he was talking about since he screwed up just about every wrestlers' name. He did say that Mark Henry was the illegitimate son of the Kool-Aid Man, a joke we would have made ourselves if we wouldn't have been called racist.

As is custom, the guest host has to run afoul of one of the superstars during his one-night tenure, and tonight it was a Chavo. Ced made fun of Chavo for losing every week to a leprechaun.


Chavo didn't appreciate that and challenged the Entertainer to go ahead and add "sports" to the beginning of that moniker. So they'll fight. Pins and needles, LOL fans.

The U.S. title has an interesting feud going on right now. The Miz straight up stole the belt from Kofi, and seeing as they only interact one night a week, this is the Jumpin' Jamaican's first opportunity to get it back. He ambushed the Miz during his stellar interview with Josh Matthews. I'm all for Kofi getting his property back, but darn it, not just as things were getting good.

Since Cedric likes some fast-paced action, we're treated next to Miz and Evan Bourne. I'm glad we have a GM that's interested in adding a little depth to the U.S. title picture.


Miz would end up winning this one, since Bourne can't even pull off one measly Shooting Star Press without his opponent moving on him. What a joke.

Time for a contract signing!

Nothing spells excitement like diligently examining the details of a WWE Title Match contract with your lawyer.

Oh they don't do that here? They just scrawl their name on a generic sheet of paper and then hit each other? Well, that's boring. However, Jerry Lawler informs us that there's a "no physicality" rule during this procedure, something I'm sure will be adhered to.

As expected, Mr. Cena and Orton do a little jawing at each other. Cena says that if Orton loses this match, there won't be any more chances for him to win the title. He'll be nothing but a "guy in his underwear, hanging out with other guys in their underwear."

Huh?? Isn't that why I'm watching this show in the first place??

I fail to see your point, good sir.

Since Randy can't provide a counter-argument with his fists, he's decided to employ a couple of people who can.

Team JeriTall

Things are looking bleak for our hero John Cena.

Nope...still bleak.

As tensions grew in the ring, Cedric did what any good guest host/non-comatose person who's paying attention would do - he made a six-man tag match for later tonight! So we're having the same match from last week, only Trish and Beth Phoenix have been replaced with Cena and Orton.

Somehow I think we're getting screwed.

Speaking of Beth Phoenix, here she comes now!


And speaking of getting screwed, here's Mickie James!


Here should be a thrilling women's match with the Diva's champion and a legitimate contender for the belt.


It actually took me longer to type that sentence than it did for the match to be over.


Well, this next one, a U.S. Title match with Kofi Kingston and Jack Swagger should pull us out of the slump.


Nevermind, that one was even shorter. I should explain what happened. You see, the Miz ran out at the beginning and took the belt. Swagger, seeing his opportunity to just take the belt than actually go ahead and win the belt after he already had the champion down in the middle of ring, chased down Miz and stole the title for his own. He was counted out, meaning Kofi won and remained the U.S. champion.


Since I know you've been patiently waiting to find out how that Chavo/Cedric match ended up, I'll go ahead and give it to you. Santino was picked as the special ref for this one. And Cedric must have rummaged through the wardrobe in the back and picked out his costume, much like the contestants in Hulk Hogan's Celebrity Championship Wrestling did.

Yes, there's a reason he's dressed like that.

Cedric, always the thinker, decided that instead of wrestling the more agile Chavo, he'd just crawl under the ring. He didn't stay there for long, though.

Something doesn't look quite right here.

Somehow, Cedric put on about a hundred pounds of muscle and learned a few wrestling moves during his time under the ring. Just a few though. No more than, say, Mark Henry would know. Inexplicably, just as Ced had Chavo where he wanted him, he crawled back under the ring, only to appear a short time later.

Ok, this is just getting stupid.

A splash, another trip under the ring, and another growth spurt later, and Cedric had the pin on the Mexican Warrior. He should really sell that act to Penn and Teller. That was good stuff!


Alright, time for the big guns to come out. It's the six-man tag match. I should mention that this thing does have some stakes attached to it: should Orton's team win, John Cena has to run the gauntlet, fighting three matches next week (tonight!) and vice versa.


Apparently having the WWE champion on your team doesn't equal having the WWE Tag Team champions on the other team, because it didn't take long for Mark Henry to mess things up.


So there you have it. John Cena will face three opponents tonight and our special guest host will be Al Sharpton. I only wish I were making that up. USA at 9/8c!

R U READY TO DOWN SOME SMACK??? Consumed in Controversy

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

What Smackdown lacks in Cedrics it more than makes up for in the Entertain(ment). And by entertainment, I of course mean THE ANIMAL, BATISTA!!!!


Yes, he has walked alone into that Pit of Danger known only as Friday Night Smackdown! No longer will he be shackled by the HHH/Cena/Orton love triangle! No longer will a midget and fake Italian steal his mic time! Time now for the big Gunz! Of course, before all that could happen, Mr. Monotone "I have a shitty metal band" himself, Chris Jericho had to stick his well dressed nose into the proceedings. It went something like this:

Lifted from P-Boink

So yea...they'll have a match later tonight (last week!).

Of course, thanks to the magic of editorial decisions, I'm going to talk about it right now! Basically, it was full of as much homo eroticism as I could possibly handle and Jericho made Batista look good.

Yes Batista, you look very good like that.

Trust me. It's Batista doing that move on Jericho.

And what, you thought The Animal was done with that? No sir, he needs to walk alone more in that Chris of Jericho.

Rise to the Heavens, boys!

Welcome back to Smackdown, Big Veiny. May you continue blasting those guns.


Also, remember the Montreal Screw Job part deux lost count? Well like Lucy, somebody on Smackdown's got some 'splainin' to do! Namely, Smackdown GM Theodore Long to not just the fans, but The Undertaker! And let's just say he was a tad..cautious.

Normally B guards A.

Anyway, Teddy pretty much pulls back the curtain and says "It's a work, LOLZ" and explains how the finish in Montreal was predetermined. Then he mentions some stuff about his family and not being able to provide for them (unlike say, a large pizza) and books on out to his fancy limo.

This is where shit gets redonkulous.

There's no way you have not heard about this by now. If you're reading LOL, Wresslin' you know how amazing/awful/amazing again this segment was. Yes, if explaining that wrestling is predetermined to a national audience isn't enough, the WWE cameras somehow got into Teddy Long's limo, were able to perfectly capture and live cut to the locks locking, then cut to the Undertaker rolling down the drives compartment window, all the while lights go purple and smoke comes out, coupled with voice modification. Here's the video.



Making movies, right Vince? That's what you do, right? No wrasslin'! Movies and spooky powers! Because we all know how good you are at that.

Ignore the first two movies on the list, as they are WWE films in name only.

So Smackdown is on again tonight at some time in NY. My Tivo is set for 11, I think? But yours could be whenever! No timezone in the Interwebz! So watch it when you can find it over on SomeNetworkTelevision! Or anytime on hulu!

A stroke of genius?

If you read the mark sites (which, if you're reading this site we'd have to assume that you do), you've probably seen the rumors circulating about Bret Hart's return to WWE. Apparently, he's shown some interest into working again with McMahon and the boys, and to do so in character, meaning he'd be involved in storylines and so forth. Now, we've taken some shots at Hart in the past on this space, believing that he's not much more than a sanctimonious prick that looks out only for himself. However, that describes a lot of wrestlers, we suppose, and we can't deny that Bret's return to WWE programming would make for some mighty fine television. Especially considering he had a stroke in 2002.

If he does come back, it'll be easy to pick on the guy because he's said time and time again that he would never work for the WWE another second in his life. Considering the stroke, we're willing to give him a pass and say he probably didn't really mean all those things anyway. We can understand if he gets confused occasionally. Really, even if he did mean it, it's doesn't mean he feels that way now. Everyone's allowed a change of heart, and a stroke.

What capacity could he be involved in the product, being a stroke victim and all? From what we understand, the recreation of the Montreal screwjob was done to set the stage for his return, should he decided to do so. It's easy to see him plugged in as a commissioner-type role, or perhaps even General Manager were Teddy Long to have, say, a stroke. Hart could help "right the wrong" that's been done by Long and C.M. Punk. Suffering from a stroke as he has, WWE could even put Bret in a wheelchair, much like they did with Vickie Guerrero.

We doubt he'd do anything physical, since he probably has a hard time getting around, what for the stroke and all, but he could stand in the ring and throw a few punches (with his right hand, of course). Imagine the viewership they could draw by putting he and Shawn Michaels in a program together. Maybe Bret, acting as an authority figure, misunderstands the stipulations of a title match because of the stroke, and he winds up screwing Shawn out of a title! HBK would be upset, naturally, and want to confront Hart in the ring, ending up with Shawn taking a swing at him. But Bret ducks and sends a swift stroke of his fist across Shawn's jaw!! This stuff writes itself.

However they do it, we'd love to see what WWE would have in store for stroke victim Bret Hart. They could even use him to promote the company. Send him to some late night talk shows. We all know how sensitive they are to guys in his condition.

W.W.W. featuing Cyndi Lauper and Jimmy Hart

On Wednesdays, we here at LOL, Wresslin' like to really pull out the stops and offer up a double shot of righteously killer content. Why Wednesday? Well, we could impress you with market research, work habit studies, and human psychology tendencies to show you there's a scientific reason the middle of the week is the best time to bring your A-game. However, truth be told, we don't have any of that stuff and settled on Wednesday because that was the only day that didn't have any content scheduled.

So, here you have "Watch Wresslin' Wednesdays." Please feel free to suggest a better title, because we are woefully uncreative when it comes to naming stuff.

Better at naming stuff than us.

The idea of W.W.W. is we each send the other a video that is related to wrestling (a match, promo, interview, guest starring spot, etc.). The only restriction is that it cannot be user-created, so your video showing off your collection of homemade Ric Flair robes ain't going to fly here, pal. Neither of us know what kind of video we're going to get that day.

After viewing, we each write a response. This could be anything we choose: a straight commentary, a philosophical enlightenment, or classless ridicule. Just as we don't know what kind of video the other will select, neither do we know what the other will write or how they will write it. What you end up with is a mash-up of styles, which in our book equates to two-blogs-in-one, and we can take the rest of the day off.

Adam's video to Matt - Cyndi Lauper-Goonies R' Good Enough



Matt's reponse...

Well, this one was bound to come up sooner or later.

YouTube user MelRules911 suggests to skip ahead to the music that starts two minutes, but I think that's a horrible idea. I'm going to level with all of you: this music sucks. It's absolutely awful. Defend it all you want; you'll realize it sooner or later.

So that's not what I'm going to talk about. This video is basically a live-action version of Hulk Hogan's Rock 'n' Wrestling, and that's awesome. I've said it dozens of times on this site, but this is what professional wrestling is missing. Cartoonish characters. Big time stars that are buffoons. All the wrestlers featured in this video were top stars during this time, and they're ridiculous.

I'd like to focus on the heels here. We're supposed to be afraid of them, right? At the very least, they're bullies and they'll give us a black eye and a fat lip, which is no fun. But what do they really do? If we pay attention, it's really nothing worse than what your dad probably did to you when you were a kid (assuming, of course, that you haven't been on Maury).

For instance, they hoist you up as if they're about to toss you into the swimming pool against your will...


They throw you over their shoulder...


They ask you to hand them tools...

I swear you said "wrench."

They make you do chores...


So really, they don't seem to be anything to worry about. They're just some rambunctious entrepreneurs looking to invest in a gas station; they embody that unique American spirit. And somehow, they've convinced a Russian and an Iranian that this capitalistic endeavor is worthwhile. That's truly something to be admired.

However, they get punished. Worst of all, it's by Andre the Giant in an outfit that should have really stayed in the costume department.


I'll never have another wet dream.

Matt's video to Adam- Jimmy Hart on TV Guide Channel



Adam's response...

Why does this exist? The TV Grid channel was hot back in 1996 when awesome things had yet to be invented. But now we have digital cable. Seriously, what's wrong with you that you own cable (you have the TV Grid..you own cable) but do not have a cable box for digital cable? You don't even need a special wire! The cable company has already switched for coax to fiber optics! What are you holding out for, jackass?

Thus, the TV Guide Channel should not exist, nor should it make enough income to create original programming to play on top of the grid. No one is watching it. We have digital cable now. We can program our own grids. No need to watch your terrible station any longer. Viva la televisiona revolution!

However, like other unpleasant things, it exists and we have to deal with it.

So like I said, almost NOBODY is watching this (I'm seriously surprised someone taped it). Obviously you're not going to waste HHH's time going to a pointless promotional vehicle. Vince McMahon's a little busy to be dropping in on Teresa Strasser (stage name!). Who gets sent then? "The Mouth of the South" Jimmy Hart, of course!



Listen, Jimmy's a legend, wrote some cool songs, and seems like a genuinely nice guy. He hung out in the Columbus Walmart to help out his friend's daughter, for Christ's sakes. But I wouldn't exactly clear the schedule for him (ok, maybe I would, but not programmer Adam).

Of course, it's not as if Jimmy should have been so accommodating to these miscreants. Take our male co-host, John Fugelsang (stage name!). First he insults the Mouth from the South's jacket (which Jimmy takes in stride because he realizes that, hey!, he's a character), then he condescendingly says "If there's two things I love it's wrestling and pay-per-view." Listen here, douche. You're not perfect. According to your bio you are the son of a former nun and Franciscan Brother; two people who swore celibacy in the name of our Lord. Yet, why did they have a child? Are they perhaps weak and gave in to the temptation of sinful flesh? So off the bat you were a bane on society. And then you hosted America's Funniest Home Videos, so you know (tm) what dude? Go ahead and suck it.

The Miz <Douchebag John FugelsangAll of the previous things are synonyms

Also, you know what happens when you question the athletic prowess of professional wrestlers?


Now, I would be remiss if I did not mention the dynamite drop in from the show's Hole. The standard, "we're having fun, but you know what's not fun? A double murder suicide. (of course, if you read the blog, you know that we think different)" Way to be hard hitting there, Mrs. Killjoy. But guess what happened? The big dumb wrestler handled it with class and dignity, so one more point for Jimmy on your worthless show.

This is not to say that Hart was perfect. Far from it. You see, wrestling is a work. Always has been a work. Always will be a work. Which is why Jimmy Hart is a liar. When steroids were brought up and he said "never seen them," well that's not true. I find it hard to believe that people are injecting themselves and then go "Oh crap, Jimmy Hart's in the locker room. This will sure upset him! We better not do it!" You managed Hulk Hogan too, brother. In the 80's. You saw steroids. That happened.

Also, your admission that you think they're fine pretty much gave you away. Poor poker face there, Mouth.

But you know what the most important thing we learned from this is? What ended up saving this entire train wreck? Something that renews your faith in people?

The Harlem Bookfair is on CSPAN 2 at 2 O'Clock.

WHATCHA GUNNA DO, BRUTHA??

American royalty, the Hogans are at it again! Yes, the classiest family that ever existed is back in the news as family patriarch Terry "Hulk Hogan" Bollea decided to stick up for his girlfriend daughter we don't give a shit.

Seriously, we don't know who she is, but we know Hogan rubs oil in her butt.

WWTDD (not the most work safe site in existence) has gotten their hands on a voicemail Hulk Hogan allegedly left for some dude named Chase who sings for some band we're sure is terrible. Still, these 17 seconds give us a pretty clear window of Hulk's life.

1) Association with the Hell's Angels

We're pretty sure that Hogan's time wrestling at all those WCW Road Wild's made him a veritble Hunter S. Thompson. And you know (tm) what the Hell's Angels LOVE? LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE? Being name dropped! It's totally why anyone gets into gangs and orginzied crime! To be noticed and name dropped!

2) People with handicaps sre inferior

Hogan makes a point to threaten Chase with the prospect of "playing in the band from a wheelchair, brother." As if that could ever stop the power of rock?!



What we really love about this is how Hogan cut a legit promo on this guy. In the real world. He just said "mania" this and "brother" that. It's no different then if the Heenan Family were on the other end of the line. Seriously. He actually thinks like that. It's amazing. God, wrestling is the best.

OH BABY, I like it Raw! Oh so Stratusfying

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

For a theme song to accompany this post, please press play and enjoy...



Last week was a big one for Raw. First off, we were fresh off a pay-per-view, "Breaking Point." (You're welcome for the coverage of that, by the way, unlike some people I know) Second, we had a new champion, unlike some other people I know, seeing fit to shoddily recreate one of the most unfortunate moments in the business just because they're not smart enough to book a legit title match in the first place. And third, we have two familiar faces returning to the show, one of which I'm really excited for.


Well, speak of the Animal, look who's out here first! It's Batista! He says he has a huge announcement to make: it seems Big Dave is retiring.


Yeah, he's been injured a lot. In fact, he's still got a brace on his arm from the last time. So it only makes sense to hang it up now, rather than become the Kevin Nash for a new generation. I understand.

Is that a gas mask tree on his shirt? I'm really confused.

That's right, Orton thought it would be a good idea to come down and tell the injured Batista off. "But Matt," you're asking. "How did Dave's shirt get ripped open in that first picture up there?" Well, I'll show you...

Trust me. It's Batista doing that move on Orton.

The Animal isn't even hurt anymore!! He just lured Randy out into the open to do wrestling moves on him!! And he spoke the to guest host of the night and made match with Randy later in the evening!!! This is incredible!!!1!!

Oh, and he's going to Smackdown.


Yeah, seriously. That was Batista's big announcement. Shouldn't you just retire?

Speaking of the guest host for the night-


OH. MY. HEAVENS.

Yes, that's the always beautiful Trish Stratus, looking finer than frog's hair. Kelly Kelly, go take a long walk somewhere; I don't need you tonight.

Trish announced that new champ John Cena would have a rematch with Randy Orton for the title in a Hell in a Cell match at, interestingly enough, WWE's "Hell in a Cell" pay-per-view. At least, I think that's what she said. I lost control of all my other senses but sight for a moment.

That belt buckle is about to stand for "100% full," if you know what I mean.

Shawn Michaels decided is wasn't enough to tap out to Legacy at "Breaking Point," and is going to wrestle the more talented member of the group one-on-one.


HBK and DiBiase would hook up in a high energy match, while Triple H stood ringside, learning to whistle.

"I just wish I could show my support with a high-pitched vocalization."

Things got so intense in the ring, Trips and Cody couldn't stand not to fight as well, so they started brawling on the outside of the ring...


...which resulted in the ref ruling the match a "no contest." Good job. Now I'll never know who was going to win. Thanks, children.

At some point during the night, Trish got into a verbal disagreement with Beth Phoenix and Jericho, causing her to do what so many guest hosts before her have done: Put herself in a match against them both. Of course, she wasn't going alone, since this was a tag match, and she picked one of Jericho's opponents from "Breaking Point" as her partner.


Naturally, things broke down rather quickly, as Big Show came out and tried to put things in the bad guys' favor. Trish quickly added Mark Henry to her team, coming dangerously close to something you'd find somewhere else on the internet.

Crotch watch, fo sho.

Of course, it made sense for Trish's team to win, with her getting the pin over Beth, if only for this shot, made specifically for LOL, Wresslin'.


Trish, I missed you.

In the final match of the night, the Animal and the Viper battle for dominance over the wild kingdom in a "No Holds Barred" match, meaning at some point, someone is going to interfere with things.


Cena wouldn't actually get involved. He just came to make sure Randy would take his beating, which he did.

Get yourself an eyeful, Dave.

Batista won, burying Orton further after he lost the title not 24 hours before. Now he can go off and enjoy that "pit of danger" that is Smackdown.


Whew! What a night! Tune in at 9/8c on USA as...Cedric the Entertainer is your guest host?? Makes me long for the good ol' days...

That's better.