W.W.W. featuring RVD and Jay Lethal

On Wednesdays, we here at LOL, Wresslin' like to really pull out the stops and offer up a double shot of righteously killer content. Why Wednesday? Well, we could impress you with market research, work habit studies, and human psychology tendencies to show you there's a scientific reason the middle of the week is the best time to bring your A-game. However, truth be told, we don't have any of that stuff and settled on Wednesday because that was the only day that didn't have any content scheduled.

So, here you have "Watch Wresslin' Wednesdays," the ORIGINAL wrestling-themed, YouTube video comedic co-commentary. Please feel free to suggest a better title, because we are woefully uncreative when it comes to naming stuff.

Better at naming stuff than us.

The idea of W.W.W. is we each send the other a video that is related to wrestling (a match, promo, interview, guest starring spot, etc.). The only restriction is that it cannot be user-created, so your poorly-edited explanation of Chris Jericho's "Save.Us" promos ain't going to fly here, pal. Neither of us know what kind of video we're going to get that day.

After viewing, we each write a response. This could be anything we choose: a straight commentary, a philosophical enlightenment, or classless ridicule. Just as we don't know what kind of video the other will select, neither do we know what the other will write or how they will write it. What you end up with is a mash-up of styles, which in our book equates to two-blogs-in-one, and we can take the rest of the day off.

Adam's video to Matt - Rob Van Dam and Booker T's Rocking New Year's Eve



Matt's response...

You know what I like about RVD? Well, first, I'll tell you that there's not too many things I like about him, period. His wrestling, while athletic and daring, is mostly stale, and he's in the bottom one percent for mic skills. Seriously, I think the Great Khali is better, and the most that he's said is screaming incoherently at telephones. I don't find him an entertaining character in the least, but other people do, and I think that those other people are stupid.

However, I'll tell you what I do like about him, and that's that he doesn't give a shit. RVD's job is to wrestle, and he's lost that job in the past because of his frequent, and public, drug use. Despite this, his user name on YouTube is "RVDTV420." 420, really? You know who celebrates 420, RVD? College students and the unemployed.

Let me amend that. Those are not the only people who celebrate 420; those are just the only people that it's somewhat acceptable that they should celebrate it.

Oh, and heads of state.

Here's another thing: this is a New Year's Eve video, presumably shot on New Year's Eve, and directly relevant to New Year's Eve. When did RVD think it was appropriate to post this 47 second descent into a pot-fueled madness? June 1st, 2009. Somehow, we're more timely than he is.

Also, where the hell is the Masterpiece? What has he got better to do? Why wouldn't you want to hang out with a bunch of guys who indulge you and actually refer to you as "The Masterpiece"?

Speaking of the Masterpiece, while "researching" this article, I came across the unofficial Chris Masters website, the banner of which informs me that Masters had sexual intercourse with my mother. I'm not sure how this fellow who runs the site would have that sort of information, but I'm just going to assume it's validity. MASTERBURN~! ONLINE also says that the Masterpiece hates HBO television series, and his penis is desired by no less than eight "hot" celebrities, such as Tara Reid, Alanis Morrisette, and Shannon Elizabeth.

This site is either the greatest true fan page in history, or a well-crafted satire, and I wish that somehow it's both, because it's genius on either level. For instance, we're given the definition of Masterglitter:

Masters's robe is made of glitter. When Masters takes the robe off, you can see bits of glitter on his awesome shoulders. That my friends, is Masterglitter.

He also gives us a few Masterburns, meaning times when Chris Masters totally put someone in their place, such as:

"Go ahead and have a seat, sir."

and...

"I got this one-way ticket to anywhere in the United States, because let's face it, anywhere is better than being in Omaha, Nebraska."

Well, RVD, Chris Masters didn't show up to your NYE party, so you might as well consider yourself Masterburned. Face! Masterface!

Matt's video to Adam- Black Machismo Jay Lethal Interview



Adam's response...

The video game TNA Impact! was released on September 9th, 2008. MikeReganGR (the interviewer in the video) decided to post this video to Youtube.



Listen, I can't blame him for keeping this one on the shelf for a while; it's pretty terrible. First off, his mic is WAY too hot. Second, he's a fat mess who should be....well something rather than seen. I mean, how could we miss something THAT huge, but you catch my drift.



Of course, Mr. Regan is not the only not-ready-for-prime-time player. No, Mr. Lethal is pretty terrible as well. Here are his first few words:

"Well....uhhh...so faruh...we've doneuh, um, the motion capture. Mo-cap is what they call it. "

Things noticeably pick up when discussion turns to The Machoman Randy Savage. And why shouldn't it? The Machoman is the best thing to ever happen to professional wrestling. Not Hogan. Not Bret. Not even LOL, Wresslin. Nope, it's Macho.

Seriously, in addition to being a former world champion, thespian, and Slim Jim endorser, he's also a master rapper. You know (tm) this. This is also why we here love Jay Lethal.

Yes, Mr Lethal is one of the 3,000 crazies who actually own Be a Man. I can send Jay Lethal a text message (we're both from New Jersey, natch) that says "Solemn Piano" and he will text me back "In today's news, Macho Man Randy Savage has signed a recording contract with Big 3 Records as a rap artist." Be a Man is a bond thicker then blood.

Also, Jay Lethal says he's not good at rapping, which is stupid because he's black.

Also stupid: Christopher Daniels cutting a promo to a venue that no one will ever see.

Even more stupid: Lethal saying that Hogan should "be a man." He's your boss now, dude.

Although that never stopped one guy

OH BABY, I like it Raw! Summon a Damon

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

For a theme song to accompany this post, please press play and enjoy...



We hope you didn't mind the short hiatus we took over the Christmas holiday. You only missed a Smackdown recap, so I'm sure it wasn't that bad. However, I assure you that you're going to wish you missed this one too, since it seems that we're being left with very little to entertain us these days.

Guest host Johnny Damon (he's some athlete - look it up) let us know that Santa would be coming by Raw to grant a wish. Well, I'm sure that's going to go very well without any sort of violence. Also, we have a 3-on-3 Divas match...STARTING NOW!

It's a Santa's Little Helper match, meaning the good Divas dress like this...


...and the bad Divas dress like this...


At least they all match this time, right WWE.com interns? Good girls win this one.

Kofi Kingston and Randy Orton have settled into fighting each other every week in some form of tag match, and last week would be no different. Here we have Kofi enlisting Mark Henry and Evan Bourne in his team, and the Legacy on the other side.

Cody Rhodes will take that sign's advice to heart.

As always, things would get pretty brutal when these two bulls lock horns.


The action was so intense, the WWE.com interns barely had the ability to write a coherent sentence.

Even more strength than what?!

Kofi would come out on top of this match, because it's Christmas and WWE believes in charity.

We were then given the opportunity to watch real life legal drama as DX was taken by Hornswoggle to "Little People's Court." I'm serious. This is probably all you need to know:

Before you ask, yes, that is a midget.

They were found guilty of being taller than Hornswoggle, or whatever it is those midgets get upset about.

This night was full of matches that meant absolutely nothing, such as John Cena versus Jack Swagger. Why did they fight? I don't know. I must have missed the explanation when I got up to make a sandwich. Cena won. Don't believe me?

Proof.

Then there was Chris Masters, who beat up Carlito because he tried to steal a kiss from Eve under the mistletoe. I guess that's a little more understandable, because Eve is a stone cold fox, but still, I don't need no gosh-darned romance with my rasslin'!


But I guess Masters did it for the right reasons, so good for him.

For Pete's sake, act like you've been there before, you big dufus.

WWE Champ Sheamus beat the crap out of MVP, because for whatever reason that match needed to happen too.


Of course, this lead to an announcement that John Cena and Sheamus would face each other this week, so that was all worth it.

The Miz continued to completely waste the fact that he's United States Champion by beating up "Santino Claus," which, if you couldn't guess, was Santino dressed up like Santa Claus. And if one wrestler dressed up like Santa wasn't enough, Chris Jericho decided to have a go at it, coming disguised to the ring to grant Big Show's wish that Jericho be reinstated to Raw.

However, they didn't count on the WWE's littlest detective, and Hornswoggle yanked off the beard to reveal that it was Jericho all along, thus ending the ruse and prompting a flood of midgets to the ring to fight one of the greatest and one of the biggest professional wrestlers of all time.

The only logical conclusion.

DX would come to rescue and welcome Hornswoggle into the fold, making him the official mascot of the team, since we all know that he's incapable of being considered anything other than a ceremonial pet.

Timbaland is the host this week. I want to kill someone. USA, 9/8c.

W.W.W. featuring the NWO and WrestleRock Rumble

On Wednesdays, we here at LOL, Wresslin' like to really pull out the stops and offer up a double shot of righteously killer content. Why Wednesday? Well, we could impress you with market research, work habit studies, and human psychology tendencies to show you there's a scientific reason the middle of the week is the best time to bring your A-game. However, truth be told, we don't have any of that stuff and settled on Wednesday because that was the only day that didn't have any content scheduled.

So, here you have "Watch Wresslin' Wednesdays," the ORIGINAL wrestling-themed, YouTube video comedic co-commentary. Please feel free to suggest a better title, because we are woefully uncreative when it comes to naming stuff.

Better at naming stuff then us

The idea of W.W.W. is we each send the other a video that is related to wrestling (a match, promo, interview, guest starring spot, etc.). The only restriction is that it cannot be user-created, so your acoustic cover of "The King of Kings" ain't going to fly here, pal. Neither of us know what kind of video we're going to get that day.

After viewing, we each write a response. This could be anything we choose: a straight commentary, a philosophical enlightenment, or classless ridicule. Just as we don't know what kind of video the other will select, neither do we know what the other will write or how they will write it. What you end up with is a mash-up of styles, which in our book equates to two-blogs-in-one, and we can take the rest of the day off.

Matt's video to Adam- jbl and nwo segment



Adam's response...

Rumors are circulating that TNA is going to make 1/4's live, head to head Impact, the best show they can. For some reason they think that may entail hiring Scott Hall and Sean Waltman. Somehow, bringing in those two men and pairing them with Kevin Nash (and possibly Hulk Hogan) will recreate the heat that was the original NWO.

Of course, this video is from 2002, the time when WWE recreated the NWO for their own fiendish gains. This was almost eight years ago, and it was already old then. Why TNA thinks that putting together this group again (and not even have the legal right to call them the NWO) is beyond me.

You know (tm), we make fun of Scott Hall for being a drunk and Kevin Nash for being injury prone a lot around these parts, yet we never make fun of Sean Waltman. Never made fun of the 1-2-3 Kid, or Sixx-Pac, or even X-Pac for that matter (we may have thrown the term "X-Pac heat" around once or twice.) Why is that? He's just as much of a screw up. He's had his drug demons in the past. He once made a sex tape with Joanie "Chyna" Laurner. And Jim Cornette once famously said the only reason he has a job is because "the other guys think he's funny when he gets drunk and throws up on himself."

I'll tell you why we never make fun of him: he's worthless. He's such an inconsequential punching bag that it's not even worth our time. He can't even be a spectacular screw up, as he has gone to rehab and is dependable enough to actually show up to bookings. That's actually why TNA is bringing him in with Scott Hall; just in case. Hall could no show an event, so send Nash and Waltman out there to do the job. More specifically Waltman to, because Nash has got to be protected.

As for the video itself? Our old friend silentrock06 is back again to watermark content he doesn't own. But hey, there are many people on the net who are content thieves, so I guess we have to accept it. He did make the mistake of titling this video "jbl" when at the time he was still just "Bradshaw." Still, we can also let that slide, as maybe he just wants to optimize hits of his stolen content.

The actual narrative is worthless as the "New World Order" is content to hangout in a clubhouse most children would be ashamed to have. Bradshaw, long having abandoned this location, is mad at the squatters and jumps in with his fists a flying.

Then the NWO beat up so he would never get heat again until he changed his gimmick.

Oh, and Crash Holly is a bitch ass snitch.



Adam's video to Matt - WrestleRock Rumble




Matt's response...


"Let's fill you in on the WrestleRock Rumble, GET ON!!" - The Whitest Man in the Universe

There's no way the participants in this video didn't at least once say, "Hey guys, you think maybe this is too 80s? I'm just sayin'..." But thank you so much for not have the sense to stay away from this.

I've seen a lot of bad efforts to sing by wrestlers in the past, but this without a doubt trumps them all, because they're not just singing badly. They're rapping badly, which we can all agree is much, much worse. This is made even more terrible by giving them the directive to rhyme their next to last line with "rumble," resulting in the word "fumble" shoehorned in more than once.

"What about 'incomplete pass'? Does that rhyme?!"

Instead of making fun of all of the bad ones (because that feels so easy and hack, even though neither of those things have ever stopped me from doing anything in the past), I'd like to highlight the few shining stars in this piece.

First, VCR tracking did a nice job, or at least the best it could. Way to go!

Second, my number one faves of this one are Curt Hennig and "Big" Scott Hall. They didn't go the Midnight Rocker route and toss up some garbage in a recording studio and call it a day. No, they said, "We're going to get some time at the pool and some free chicks out of this, damn it."

They relatively keep with the beat, get shoved in the pool, and Curt rhymes "dumbos" with "rumble," which is exactly the kind of out-of-the-box thinking I'm looking for. Plus, who doesn't like the idea of Scott and Curt splashing around in the swimming pool wearing Speedos? I certainly do.

I've had dreams that start like this. Specifically, all of them.

Larry Zbyszko turns in a solid performance as well. He has a nice cadence, and he chops a coconut in half, so yeah, extra points for that.

Finally, the H.H.H Metrodome...all the more reason for Adam and I to construct the Flair Center.

Who hits the Hitman?

There's no point in dancing around it. Why bother to find a hyperlink? EVERYONE is talking about it, feverishly waiting for our take on this. Seriously. All of our non-wrestling friends (that is to say, all our friends) have sent us the link about it. Bret Hart is coming back to WWE.

Nothing but gray hair and blue suits

True, it's supposedly only from January to about Wrestlemania, but this is some pretty big news. The Hitman, back home in WWE! And not just for some stupid DVD that he worked on to change protect his legacy or to accept a Hall of Fame induction into a non-physical Hall of Fame. And no, it won't just be as a video game legend or to promote the soft cover version of his memoir. He's actually coming back to entertain the fans.

Now, we've never been ones to hide our feelings about the Excellence of SeExecution. Click that little Bret Hart tag on the right side of the blog if you need a refresher. Still, don't think we're surprised at this latest bit of hypocrisy by Mr. Hart.

First, it's no secret that Mr. Hart takes himself and his legacy rather seriously. We think he needs to lighten up a bit, but it's his prerogative. So you can understand how we're scratching our heads a bit when in the past he has said that he would never come back. Or how he has said that he would never want to tarnish the injustice (our word/emphasis) that he perceives was bestowed upon him by making an angle out of it. There's too much money to be lost if they don't go that route with Bret. Sure, WWE has left lots of money on the table before, but this one seems like a no-brainer by even WWE standards. Of course, we've been wrong before, like with our excitement for the film Watchmen.

Second, the entire point of his memoir was to close his wrestling career. From wikipedia (citation needed):

"I'd be happy being remembered for really brilliant storytelling in my matches, not for some last chance to snap up some money," Hart said. "I respectfully understand my light in wrestling is fading. I can live with that...

...But I couldn't say goodbye to my wrestling character until I finished" (the book).

Which is it, Bret? When will you officially be done? Because we haven't been this exhausted waiting for a climax since we saw Watchmen.

Listen, we understand that Mr. Hart is doing this for some cash. That's totally fair. There is a lot of money to be made in a Vince/Bret Wrestlemania feud, even if one is a senior citizen and the other is physically unable to take any bumps. Also, the heat on this feud is fading every day, especially because more and more of the current crop of fans might not even know who Bret Hart is. Think about this for a second. We were in middle school (!) for the Montreal Screwjob. So please, make some money.

However, don't act like you're above the money, Mr Hart. Don't go on the record about how you'll never forgive Shawn Michaels for his role in your exile and act like this is a real life tragedy. Because honestly, it just leads to your overall stature diminishing more and more. If we were Bret Hart fans we'd feel more betrayed than how we felt when Zack Snyder replaced the giant telepathic Cthulu with a Dr. Manhattan fart bomb in Watchmen.

Again, we don't begrudge Bret for taking some cash. There really isn't much else he can do with his skill set, especially giving his handicap. We just know that he is going to insult our intelligence when the next few months of interviews will be about "burying the hatchet" or about how he "owed this to his fans." Because it's not. It's about a pay day to cover his impending divorce. We haven't felt this embarrassed for someone since we saw Malin Akerman's and Carla Gugino's "acting" in Watchmen.

Speaking of embarrassment, this also reminds us a lot of another wrestler who is hanging around for paydays to cover his divorce costs. We'll give you one guess.


Yes, this is eerily reminiscent of Ric Flair. That may be an unfair comparison to make (after all, they are ultimately different people and Bret should not be responsible for Ric's faults and vice verse), but it really isn't. After all, who did the autograph signing tours for a while? Both of them did. Who decided to work with Ring of Honor doing some meet and greet and in-ring segments with the talent? Both of them. And they both have the same motivations for overstaying their welcomes.

Now, this wouldn't be a big deal if it weren't for Bret's legendary heat with Ric. From page 273 of his autobiography:

"Flair was what my dad called a 'routine man,' because he did the same match ever night no matter who he worked with. He also liked to call ever step of the match with little input from me."

"For a guy nearing fifty he was in great shape. Ric took his usual bumps and cut a blistering pace. When we talked before the match, he has suggested a finish that called for me to do a flying tackle where he'd catch me and stagger backward with the two of us toppling over the top rope, only to be counted out for the finish, which would be a double DQ. It was a simple move that I'd done countless times with less-skilled wrestlers, but at the end of the match, when I dove in Flair, he stood too far from the ropes, mistimed it, and didn't have the strength to catch me, so we fell down in a heap! On the spot Ric came up with a makeshift finish that, not surprisingly, benefited him and not me. I wasn't going to make a big deal out of it, but back in the dressing room, I was annoyed to hear Flair crying to me about what happened on the finish, implying that I had screwed up. He showed me, right there, that he wasn't as great as he was supposed to be. I'd heard there were a lot of wrestlers who didn't trust or like Flair, and I was starting to see why."

First order of business there: too many run on sentences there. Next time don't edit your own book. Or at least hire an editor who isn't a stroke victim.

Second, is the irony not lost on Bret here? These are his words regarding his respect for Ric Flair. These men are peas and carrots! And he has the gall to insult Flair's character? We haven't shook our heads this much since we listened to Zack Snyder's soundtrack choices for the film Watchmen!

In summation, is it cool Bret Hart is coming back to WWE? Yes, it is. This has been a long time coming and honestly, it's too stupid to hold a grudge over a wrestling angle. But we can't believe it will be good. Will he even interact with Shawn in any meaningful matter? Is there any point in hiring an on-screen character that can't take bumps, ergo, not lose any heat? Would Bret even be willing to give heat?

Also, the mere fact that WWE is pulling out this big gun to run opposite TNA's live Monday night show means that no matter what number TNA pulls, they got the big show scared. Now lets hope they don't screw up this opportunity like Zack Snyder did with Watchmen.

OH BABY, I like it Raw! Other than the Slammys

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

For a theme song to accompany this post, please press play and enjoy...



Last week was the WWE's annual/semi-annual/not-regular-whatsoever award show The Slammys, but I'm not going to cover that here. Nope! This is a blog about wrestling on Raw, and that's all we're doing tonight. So sit back and enjoy some rasslin', bitches!

Jeri-Tall were none to happy about losing their Tag Team Titles and demanded a rematch against DX. I can understand. It's not like those two have anything else to look forward to in this business.

Clearly photoshopped.

So that match is coming later tonight.

Also, we're going to have the nominees for Superstar of the Year - Randy Orton, John Cena, CM Punk, and the Undertaker - battle to see which one will take home the award. Is this really how these things are supposed to work?


For our first meaningful match of the night, we have the two lesser members (tee hee) of Legacy going up against the Salt n' Marijuana Express, Evan Bourne and Kofi Kingston. This was actually supposed to be a singles match between Rhodes and Kofi, but of course there was interference, and of course that allowed guest host Dennis Miller to make a big show and restart it as a tag team match.


Legacy would take the match, pinning the weak link of the duo, Evan Bourne.

In our first Superstar of the Year match, John Cena would be facing CM Punk. Two things you need to know about this match. Cena put on his submission move...

Shut The Fudge Up!

...and CM Punk cried.


Presumably because he's on Smackdown, but also because he lost the match.

Next was the other Superstar of the Year match, Orton versus the Undertaker. This match went as many of the Deadman's matches go - OLD SCHOOL.

"Please stop holding my hand, mythical man of the underworld."

Of course, once you die, it's a known fact that your match skills immediately start to deteriorate, which is why Orton was able to lure the Undertaker out of the ring with his Legacy henchmodels and win via count-out. So, as you should have imagined, a Raw superstar will be the Superstar of the Year.


Jeri-Tall didn't count on DX being the lying, cheating snakes they are, because Triple H immediately shoved the ref during their match for the Tag Team Championship, losing by DQ but retaining the belts. After the match, Jericho was escorted out of the arena, because we all know that it's completely unacceptable for a Smackdown superstar to be on Raw.

Something tells me this was planned.

There was a 7-on-7 divas match, and of course, the WWE.com interns were there to belittle the seven most beautiful women they're likely to ever see.

WWE.com workers know how to coordinate, if nothing else.

Finally, it's John Cena going against Randy Orton to see who is the Superstar of the Year. Yes, this one match is going to determine the value of an entire year's worth of work. WWE prides themselves in their credibility.

Randy attempted an RKO, but Cena was able to reverse that into an Attitude Adjustment, using a maneuver only crafted in a child's wildest dreams.


Cena won, so he's your Superstar of the Year. Congrats, Mr. Cena! We always knew it would be you!

Johnny Damon hosts tonight, finally going to answer that age-old question "Who would win in a hot dog eating contest: a baseball player or professional wrestler?" Tune in 9/8c on USA!

R U READY TO DOWN SOME SMACK??? TLC OMG!!!

SEASON'S BEATINGS!!!!

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

For a theme song to accompany this post, please press play and enjoy...



Monday Night Raw might get all the press, what with their Dennis Miller and Hornswaggle feud, but we know that that doesn't sell PPV's! Nope! You need some real, solid meat to make buyers shell out their hard earned moolah. So how do you do that? With a compelling card filled with Smackdown matches!

Of course, that means more work for me. Crap.

So the future of WWE totally rolled around on the mat for a chance at being champion of the continents! And by future I mean "bland Scottish dude" and "apathetic rock star wannabe."

I have no idea what's going on here

Anyway, the interns at WWE.com decided to show us tons of cool John Morrison stuff, even though they didn't really amount to anything. Still, COOL STUFF!

SAVAGE!

GNARLY!

However, there wasn't a boring old Scottish guy in this match for nothing. He had to be boring and use finisher's from the 1980's as transition moves!

zzzz...snake...zzzz

Oddly enough, that was it. We have a new Intercontinental champion and his name is Sheamus Drew McIntyre!

Kidney pies!

In other "attractive people with long hair wrestling for a worthless title" news, Michelle McCool defended her women's championship against Mickie "Piggy" James. Mickie gets this nickname due to being a good ole Virginia farm girl and being gargantuan huge.

Just think of the thin girl she's hiding underneath layers of disgusting fat

Anyway, this match pretty much filled my genitals with enough blood that I had to see a doctor four hours later. Also nice to know that Mickie James goes A2M.

In case I'm being too coy...

Michelle McCool, being the bad guy and all, has some Latina woman named Layla as her backup. Probably for Layla's black belt in Mexican Judo. Regardless, this hot tamale, although her intentions are pure, just ends up getting in the way! Look at the debacle when she tried to distract Mickie, ergo help Michelle!

KICKED IN YO FACE!

Now's Mickie James's chance! She'll avenge all that punishment the two bullies gave her! Michelle is distracted! We've got a new women's champion!

That's the filthiest clean pin I've ever seen. Some Christian..

Oh. Pinned clean. By the heel. That makes complete sense.

So one half of the Smackdown power couple miraculously held on to her title, how will Undertaker prevail against THE ANIMAL!!!! in his chair match? And what in the blue hell is a chair match?

That.

So yea, it's basically an Extreme Rules/Street fight/no holds barred match. With a bunch of chairs. Jim Ross must be thrilled.



For whatever reason, Undertaker and Batista always have good matches together. It's weird that a cadaver and the Undertaker can work well together, but they do. This was duly noted by the lovely interns over at WWE.com

Can it really be referred to as "Old School" if he never stopped using it? If it's a regular part of his routine wouldn't it just be "Current School" or "School"?

Still, this wasn't enough as Batista needed to resort to FOREARMING THE UNDERTAKER IN THE NUTS and then hitting him with the chair! That's it! New World Heavyweight Champion! TEH ANIMALE!!!11!!!!


YEA YEA YEA YEA YEA! Wait! Teddy Long?! Why's he coming out!? You can't screw the Undertaker when he already lost the match! Huh? Batista used a low blow, and that's illegal? Swinging chairs is totally cool, but anything else isn't allowed?! What do you have to say for yourself!?


Well, the match restarted and Undertaker did that sit up thing and then cracked Batista with a chair (totally legal).

ACTING! SELLING!

Tombstone, weird pin, still champ.

I really hope you catch a bug one day.

Still, I smell a conspiracy. Somebody call Jesse Ventura!

Also, just so you know: Batista did not invent that "thumbs down" gesture. Some people think he did.

Come witness the fallout tonight at 8/7c, over on some stupid channel. MyNetwork TV or some bullshit like that. And then watch it again over on hulu.