Making a first impression is key

Did you know (tm) that there are people who work for World Wrestling Entertainment who are not from America? It's true! Turns out the "World" in that title actually applies in this case. In fact, there have even been international champions, as Sheamus beat John Cena for the title this past Sunday! This was the first time this has ever happened, so hooray for civil rights (thanks Matt Striker!)!

Of course, we here at LOL, Wresslin' like to think of ourselves as worldly gentlemen. We do not judge others based on their race, creed, sexuality, gender, or in this case, nationality. But we understand that we're magnanimous people. Not everyone was raised in such excellent environments. So unfortunately, racism does exist, even in the world of wrestling! But how can you tell what kind of foreigner is coming to the ring? Simple! By the type of racially charged theme song he uses. Thus, working with the Academy of Wrestling Arts and Sciences, we have deduced the best racially motivated wrestler theme songs!

Funaki

What's that we hear? Is that a synth-pan flute? Did somebody invite Zamfir into WWE? Why no! It's just some Japanese dude coming to the ring! Of course! But they're hip and cool, as it's been ironically paired with hard rock power chords! Why Funaki couldn't just drop the Japanese influence in the song is beyond us.

William Regal (first theme)

What better way to get over the fact that William Regal is a poor, but tough scoundrel from Blackpool England then having him come out to some dandy fop garbage?

The Quebecers

Off key, boring, and slow? Must be a Canadian theme song! We're genuinely surprised the lyrics do not include the words "Hosers" "Molson" "Hockey" and "Eh." Still, nothing riles up the blood of a red-blooded American more than the sounds of the North!

Kofi Kingston

Make no bones about it; This song rules. However, it's certainly inaccurate. WWE officials basically looked at an African CPA from Boston and said "Eh, throw some green on him and it'll be like a Bob Marley concert mixed with Cool Runnings. They'll never know the difference!" And lo and behold, Kofi Johnson Kingston was born! We'd like to see a legitimate pothead like Raven come out to a song like this.

Iron Sheik

Sitar? Check. Gong? Check. Ominous tone? Double check. Add that all together and you get America's worst first...brown people! Thankfully, the Iron Sheik himself is a bit of a pussycat nowadays. Or a drunk who says awful things on the record (we really need to make fun of him more.)

Sabu

Probably the best of the lot, because nothing about it is too offensive, yet it is uniquely ethnic. Basically, distorted guitars and an Arabian sax. Nothing much more to it than that. Of course, what else would you expect from the "suicidal, homicidal, genocidal, death-defying Sabu!"? Allow us to translate. Sabu will kill himself to ensure the death of you and your people. Praise Allah.

So what say you, LOLiacs? Did we miss your favorite, racist wrestling song? Let us know and we'll be the judge as to if it's any good. And no, the West Texas Rednecks "I Hate Rap (Rap is Crap)" does not count!