OH BABY, I like it Raw! A "little" help

SEASON'S BEATINGS!!

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

For a theme song to accompany this post, please press play and enjoy...



As I've stated before, I apologize for missing last week's recap. Allow me to just give a quick thought on that Thanksgiving edition of Raw with guest host Jesse "the Governor" Ventura. It was a lot of fun. However, it's lost a bit of it's shine when you now realize that Ventura was just using it to plug his show after he talked shit about the WWE only a couple days after doing the show. C'mon Jesse, at least let us believe you for a week.

Last week's show was hosted by Verne Troyer. Who's that, you ask?

Wait, we still care about that guy? Also, this picture is just creepy.

So how did "the little one" start off Raw? Well, he didn't. JeriTall and DX did that for him. Apparently, the Tag Team Champions aren't happy that DX is their opponent for TLC, and DX isn't happy simply because that's the cool thing to do.

Skullcaps FTW

Here's the reasonable match they came up with: Jericho and Triple H will have a match tonight (last week!) and whomever loses will have to face the both of the opposing team members next week (tonight!). The stakes couldn't be higher.

I stand corrected.

One other thing I didn't mention about the Thanksgiving edition of Raw is that MARYSE IS BACK!


I know I shouldn't be excited about a heel Diva, but I think I'm allowed this one. She dressed up last week (two weeks ago!) as the Gobbledy Gooker to attack Melina, and this time shed the turkey get-up to pin her during a tag match.


There's a "turkey stuffing" joke in there somewhere.

Sheamus beat up Santino to...prove a point? I'm not really sure what point that would be, other than he can beat up WWE's dumber, cross-dressing version of Borat.

Verne Troyer makes an appearance only to be insulted by the Miz. Well that's just mean. Troyer (and WWE interns) have had just about enough of the United States Champion.

...if you couldn't tell by his facial expression.

Troyer pulls out the Raw equivalent of KANE! on the Miz and puts him in a match against Mark Henry. Oooooh, you're gonna have to eat your words, Miz!!

Seriously, you're going to have to eat them, or Mark Henry will eat them for you.

The long-standing feud between Randy Orton and Kofi Kingston continued as the two were booked to face off one-on-one. Of course, that didn't mean the Legacy couldn't have their way with the Fakin' Jamaican first.

ACTING!

They beat him up quite a bit before the match started, leaving easy pickin's for Hoggo.

During a contract signing on the Thanksgiving show, John Cena was attacked by his opponent for TLC, Sheamus, and put through a table. Cena decided to tempt fate and actually asked Sheamus to come out and do it again.

Honestly, WWE.com interns, who doesn't?

Instead of Sheamus, Carlito came out for some reason. That's not cool.


Cena beat him up for trying to spit apple in his face, and only then did Sheamus show up for the patented "cross arena staredown."

Mark Henry and the Miz had their match. Do I really need to you how that turned out?

Figure out the rest.

Finally, it's time for HHH and Jericho and as you might expect, this thing gets pretty brutal.


Things would get so dirty, in fact, that both men would knock each other down for a near 10-count, as counted by Screamy McRef.

Go ahead and zoom in. You know where. It's worth it.

Trips would be the one to go the distance in this one, meaning tonight we'll have Jericho facing DX sans Big Show, and really, is that a loss for anyone?

Raw emanates from Dallas this week, but sadly, I'm unable to attend. Just another way I'm failing you, the reader. Perhaps it's a good thing, since I won't become jaded and miserable like my fellow Laugh Twin, but it would have been nice to go all the same. Made quadruple-nice since my earthly master Mark Cuban is guest hosting! Go on Cubes! Give Orton some payback for giving you an RKO six years ago!



Tune in tonight at 9/8c on USA!