OH BABY, I like it Raw! Summon a Damon

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

For a theme song to accompany this post, please press play and enjoy...



We hope you didn't mind the short hiatus we took over the Christmas holiday. You only missed a Smackdown recap, so I'm sure it wasn't that bad. However, I assure you that you're going to wish you missed this one too, since it seems that we're being left with very little to entertain us these days.

Guest host Johnny Damon (he's some athlete - look it up) let us know that Santa would be coming by Raw to grant a wish. Well, I'm sure that's going to go very well without any sort of violence. Also, we have a 3-on-3 Divas match...STARTING NOW!

It's a Santa's Little Helper match, meaning the good Divas dress like this...


...and the bad Divas dress like this...


At least they all match this time, right WWE.com interns? Good girls win this one.

Kofi Kingston and Randy Orton have settled into fighting each other every week in some form of tag match, and last week would be no different. Here we have Kofi enlisting Mark Henry and Evan Bourne in his team, and the Legacy on the other side.

Cody Rhodes will take that sign's advice to heart.

As always, things would get pretty brutal when these two bulls lock horns.


The action was so intense, the WWE.com interns barely had the ability to write a coherent sentence.

Even more strength than what?!

Kofi would come out on top of this match, because it's Christmas and WWE believes in charity.

We were then given the opportunity to watch real life legal drama as DX was taken by Hornswoggle to "Little People's Court." I'm serious. This is probably all you need to know:

Before you ask, yes, that is a midget.

They were found guilty of being taller than Hornswoggle, or whatever it is those midgets get upset about.

This night was full of matches that meant absolutely nothing, such as John Cena versus Jack Swagger. Why did they fight? I don't know. I must have missed the explanation when I got up to make a sandwich. Cena won. Don't believe me?

Proof.

Then there was Chris Masters, who beat up Carlito because he tried to steal a kiss from Eve under the mistletoe. I guess that's a little more understandable, because Eve is a stone cold fox, but still, I don't need no gosh-darned romance with my rasslin'!


But I guess Masters did it for the right reasons, so good for him.

For Pete's sake, act like you've been there before, you big dufus.

WWE Champ Sheamus beat the crap out of MVP, because for whatever reason that match needed to happen too.


Of course, this lead to an announcement that John Cena and Sheamus would face each other this week, so that was all worth it.

The Miz continued to completely waste the fact that he's United States Champion by beating up "Santino Claus," which, if you couldn't guess, was Santino dressed up like Santa Claus. And if one wrestler dressed up like Santa wasn't enough, Chris Jericho decided to have a go at it, coming disguised to the ring to grant Big Show's wish that Jericho be reinstated to Raw.

However, they didn't count on the WWE's littlest detective, and Hornswoggle yanked off the beard to reveal that it was Jericho all along, thus ending the ruse and prompting a flood of midgets to the ring to fight one of the greatest and one of the biggest professional wrestlers of all time.

The only logical conclusion.

DX would come to rescue and welcome Hornswoggle into the fold, making him the official mascot of the team, since we all know that he's incapable of being considered anything other than a ceremonial pet.

Timbaland is the host this week. I want to kill someone. USA, 9/8c.