W.W.W. featuring Goldberg versus Ric Flair and The Spirit Squad with C.M. Punk

On Wednesdays, we here at LOL, Wresslin' like to really pull out the stops and offer up a double shot of righteously killer content. Why Wednesday? Well, we could impress you with market research, work habit studies, and human psychology tendencies to show you there's a scientific reason the middle of the week is the best time to bring your A-game. However, truth be told, we don't have any of that stuff and settled on Wednesday because that was the only day that didn't have any content scheduled.

So, here you have "Watch Wresslin' Wednesdays." Please feel free to suggest a better title, because we are woefully uncreative when it comes to naming stuff.

Better at naming stuff than us.

The idea of W.W.W. is we each send the other a video that is related to wrestling (a match, promo, interview, guest starring spot, etc.). The only restriction is that it cannot be user-created, so your cover of Rick Derringer's "Real American" ain't gonna fly here, pal. Neither of us know what kind of video we're going to get that day.

After viewing, we each write a response. This could be anything we choose: a straight commentary, a philosophical enlightenment, or classless ridicule. Just as we don't know what kind of video the other will select, neither do we know what the other will write or how they will write it. What you end up with is a mash-up of styles, which in our book equates to two-blogs-in-one, and we can take the rest of the day off.

(Note: Adam is taking the week off, so our counter-part from across the pond, Ray of Wrestlegasm, is filling in this week.)

Ray's video to Matt - Goldberg confronts Flair's son



Matt's response...

First of all, nice going Ray. You're first stab at a W.W.W. and you pick a doozy (or is it "doozie" in the UK?). You pretty much hit all the right beats of a good video - insanity, violence against non-wrestlers, violence against family members, yelling, and Ric Flair. If I had a fake applause sound effect to play for you, I would.

The LOL, Wresslin' equivalent.

Alright, to the video. Let me just say that I happen to agree with Goldberg here. David Flair doesn't have any business anywhere near Goldberg. He certainly doesn't need to be poking him in the chest. That's just silly. Why would you do that, David? We all know Reid is the one with the drinking problem, so you can't use that a crutch.

But of course, I can't blame Ric Flair for coming to the rescue either. Really, anything to get Flair into the ring is fine by me, so beat up his kid all you want.

Flair has always been a curiosity to me. Let's just take a look at what happens in this video. He overacts. He takes ridiculous bumps. He rolls on the ground for no apparent reason. Ask yourself if you would take any other wrestler seriously if they pulled that kind of stuff. There's no way. No way. But Slick Ric has been doing it since the beginning of time, and we worship it.

I'm not standing on the outside criticizing either. I'm right there with you, cheering every ridiculous thing this man does. For instance, when Goldberg says that Ric has "stepped over the line" (which line?), Ric retorts, "I AM THE LINE!" and barrel rolls across the ring.

Goldberg = confused

What?? Why?? What sense does that make? Forget the physical stunting; what does "I am the line" mean? But for whatever reason, the first time I watched it, I said, "Shit yeah, Goldberg. Ric Flair is the line." That's how good he is.

Before that, he screamed into the mic "I'VE LOST MY MIND?!"

Well, when you put it like THAT

Now, I did a little extra work and watched the match that was set up at the end of this video. Let me tell you, Goldberg must have taken at least six shots to the crotch. Since it was Goldberg, you know that had to hurt.

His nickname in this movie was "Sledgehammer."

Goldberg ended up winning that match, but not by beating Ric, of course. No, about twenty guys in "nWo" shirts jumped him. This was WCW in 1999, after all.

Matt's video to Ray - The Spirit Squad trying to recruit CM Punk



Ray's response...

First of all, let me say how strange but particularly exciting it feels to be hanging out at the Texas branch of LOL Wresslin. I feel a little bit like I’m trespassing and am pretty sure I’ll open a door to have a bucket of water fall on my head or something. I was also wholly convinced that my video would be something odd and unfathomable, engineered to catch me out and leave me with nothing to say. Imagine my joy at finding a humorous CM Punk video in my email inbox.

I’m sure this was selected because of my over-the-top creepy crushing on CM Punk. But the first thing that grabbed my shoulders and shook me was Dolph Ziggler, or ‘Nicky’ as he was known while appearing as an enthusiastic member of The Spirit Squad. So he does know how to get a half decent hair-do after all? What an earth possessed him to stick his head in to a pan of toilet bleach?

Anyway, I have a confession to make. As a British girl whose interest in American culture has varied over the years from mild fascination to writing a full dissertation on Irish employment opportunities in Boston post-Potato Famine, cheerleading has always held a special place in my heart. When I was last in the US, I happened upon a high school basketball game and spent the entire match watching the cheerleaders in awe. Look…..

Their team was losing, so they ate pizza and talked to boys.

So, when I saw Ziggler and Co. were trying to recruit CM Punk my mental video library of trash movies went in to overdrive, flicked through the rolodex and found itself at Bring it On. One of the greatest movies to ever be shot. If you’re not familiar, Kirsten Dunst and her team of guys and gals realise that their long-running success at the Cheerleading National Championships is solely down to the fact that their previous captain was stealing routines from the less financially viable ghetto school, East Compton. I won’t tell you any more in case I ruin the story for you. I can tell you’re just dying to run out and buy a copy.

But I will tell you why I’m harping on about this film. There’s a scene towards the beginning where Kirsten Dunst and her team are recruiting for a new member and I was reminded of it while watching this. CM Punk IS Eliza Dushku. Yep. It’s true!

They both rub off their tattoos:

They both have the same look of horror on their faces that this peppy, perky world of cheer begins to permeate their hard exterior.

They both pretend to be overly excited about getting to wear matchy-matchy cheer outfits when actually the idea repulses them.

They are both the cruel victims of ‘Spirit Fingers.'

Of course, the glaring difference between Punk and Eliza is that Eliza’s character joins the squad, helps to unite the group and despite never fully losing her feisty exterior, she crosses over to the pep side and gets a new BFF in Kirsten Dunst.

Punk, on the other hand, continues to go through the world alone, without a friend to call his own. But oh, how sweet would it have been if he had taken up their offer? To quote a line from my other favourite piece of cinematic baloney (Mean Girls) “….it’s like watching a dog walk on its hind legs.” It seems so wrong, and yet, you cannot take your eyes away. It’s ok, Punky. Ray will be your friend. And no pom-poms will be put in to operation. (Unless specifically requested.)