OH BABY, I like it Raw! Night of Champions!!

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

For a theme song to accompany this post, please press play and enjoy...



I would spend time recapping Raw, but really, there's no point. Nothing spectacular happened. ZZ Top hosted.

They're on tour or something...check Ticketmaster, you lazy shit.

So let's just proceed to Night of Champions! Where every belt is defended, meaning there's no crappy filler matches! (Unless you count the ECW championship, which I do. And the Tag Team Championship. And any belt on Smackdick)

Apparently WWE is not one to let suspense build, because right out of the gate, we find out who Jericho's mystery tag team partner is. This must be too good to keep under wraps!

Jericho grabbed the mic away from Lilian, because something this important can't be left to a female. Finally, after all this time, Jericho's partner is revealed to be....!

Can you say, "Letdown?"

Yes, the Big Show. Woo. Freaking. Hoo. Let me guess: Show is going to toss people around and then make someone tap out to the Camel Colossal Clutch.


Needless to say Jericho and Big Show are still (and the new) Tag Team Champions. They were interviewed backstage, and Jericho said they were going to be the most dominant tag team in the history of the company. Show said their team consisted of strength, size, agility and intelligence. Let me guess which ones you are.


Next, we have every under-carder ever fighting for the U.S. Title.

Seriously. All of them.

Of course, there was intense action and drama...

Don't...you...die...on...me...

The big question in this match were the Brothers Colon. How would they co-exist? Would they even focus on anyone else? They made a weak truce, but seeing as how this match is for a singles title, they can't both win. So, naturally, this happened:


But this foolish sibling rivalry would cost them, as Kofi would swoop in and take the win!


Raw's big title match is next on the recap, with a Triple Threat for the WWE Title involving Triple H, John Cena and Randy Orton. Smackdown can't even come close to matching this caliber of a match! They only have two people wrestling for their title, and one's a druggie. This one should be amazing!

Chicken fight!

So at first, both Mr. Cena and Hunter focused on Randy Orton. It was like anti-Christmas rules: always go after the biggest package first. But eventually, these two titans would be left to face each other, and what happened then?

I hope that surprised zero people.

They fought in the ring, they fought out of the ring. And then this happened...


Yes, Orton tapped out to that monstrosity of a submission move. However, since it was applied by two men, the ref didn't know who to call the match for. And then things just went to crap, as Legacy busted in and exploited the "No DQ in a Triple Threat" rule (why people don't do that all the time is beyond me). Orton would eventually RKO Mr. Cena for the win, remaining your WWE Champion.

I swear the belt is supposed to be there somewhere.

Finally, the last Raw match on the card was the Diva's Title match. Mickie won. Let's move on.

Tonight, Raw will be hosted by Shaquille O'Neal. If there's one twitter you should be following, well, it should be ours. But if there's two you should be following, it's ours and Shaq's. This should be fun. Tune in at 9/8c on USA!