R U READY TO DOWN SOME SMACK??? Anarchy in Bakersfield

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

While Monday Night Raw has chaos week in and week out, Smackdown has been marked by it's consistancy. Wait! What am I talking about! Smackdown was in Bakersfield, California last week, and things erupted into total ANARCHY! That's right! Anarchy in Bakersfield!

We open this week with Smackdown's brightest young face taking on Smackdown's brightest young heel. John Morrison started the night by looking for the Big Zig, only to find Ziggler running out of the closet. The obvious joke was made, but then who should also emerge from the closest but Maria! And she was all glowing like! So we can add "sexual intercourse" on the list of things (such as alcohol consumption and unsanctioned violence against officials and other employees) that are perfectly fine to do while on the clock on Earth-53. But seriously, take that Morrison! Now who's laughing!?

Dude, that shot and that caption a'int helping your case...

Anyway, John Morrison did some crazy spots, totally making relieving any stress I may have over who Smackdown's top face will be after Jeff Hardy's third strike. Check this out!


Unfortunately, Dolph Ziggler didn't really help that "I'm not gay" thing by grabbing Morrison's tights to win the match (REMEMBER THIS! THIS IS IMPORTANT!) I don't quite see how grabbing another man's ass would give me extra leverage. It's fun, for sure. But when wrestling? Pass.

What of the top feud on Smackdown- Jeff Hardy and CM Punk for the World Heavyweight Title! Well Jeff is certainly taking it with the seriousness it deserves.

Dammit, Jeff...

Yes, Jeff thought it'd be fun to mock Punk's eye injury again. Because people wear eye patches when they haven't lost an eye...right. Thankfully he took one thing seriously and that would be his match with KANE! He even found time for a little fun!

I imagine it's more like 'The Little White Machine.' Better take a seat and study it."

Unfortunately, that would be it for the Homicidal Harlequin, as CM Punk decided to just play his music and stand on the stage. As we all know, this will shatter any man's concentration and gave KANE! the advantage.

Chokeslam city.

But what of the aforementioned CM Punk? He had a match against former world champion, The Great Khali! But before any of that could go down, Jeff Hardy decided that turn about was fair play, as he was going to distract CM Punk back! Unfortunately for him, he did it wrong and came out before the match. Whoops!

"You know what man? This is Sanford, North Carolina. This is LAW territory. Hey man, check it out! It's the LAW! And the LAW's where it's at! So Jeff Hardy is present. So I'm here to check it out. I'm here to rock everybody. And that's what LAW's all about. L-A-W. Jeff Hardy." "That was the f!*%ing s%#*$!"

Obviously, this was stupid on Jeff's part. As CM Punk came out for his match, grabbed a mic, and cut the "Jeff Hardy is a drug addict" promo that I've been waiting for forever.

Burn

But what of the match? Well, none of it really mattered. Since Vince has a hard on for big men, the limited Khali naturally dominates the awesome CM Punk. Thankfully, KANE! came out to continue his feud with the Great Khali, so the match was ruled a no contest.

KANE!

Yup, so the most over guy in the company, responsible for loads of merchandise sales and the top face on their broadcast television brand and current World Champion who is being groomed to carry this company for the next ten years are background players in the KANE!/Great Khali feud.


Finally, Chris Jericho and Rey Mysterio went at it for the Intercontinental title once again. Once again it was great. I'm not being snarky. It was great. But I'm glad the feud is over. It's like eating Oreos. The first three boxes are great, but by the time the fourth comes around, well, maybe you want a Triscuit.

Above: Laugh Twin Adam and some "fans"

Still, it did provide another awful caption from my favorite interns.

You can't dial up 619. It's an area code. Stop it.

You'd think that'd be it, but you're of course a common stupid person. Jericho's tag team partner, Edge, somehow healed his torn ACL enough to beat up Mysterio after the match, just so Jericho can get his revenge. But it didn't stop there! Nope! One more man ran in to beat up Rey as well! Dolph Ziggler.

Above: Earth-53 Overtime

Of course, this act of criminal violence has rewarded him with a title shot at Night of Champions. Because that's way these things work.

What other head scratchers will happen tonight? Better watch before Sunday! 8/7c on MyNetwork TV, or whenever on hulu.com!