Something we actually like

We think we can forgo an interesting intro for this. The title says it all. We know! Something we actually like! And that of course is the new guest host format for Monday Night Raw that Donald Trump instituted during his brief campaign as Raw owner. Now sure, we all know that that makes no sense. Why Vince McMahon needs to adhere to the old regime's rules is beyond us. But, it's fun! It's surprisingly fun and it freshens up Raw enough where we kinda sorta want to know what is coming up. With the announcement that next week's hosts will be ZZ Top (odds of Santino and Hacksaw Jim Duggan wrestling in a "Beard Match" are Eleventy Billion Percent, which is neither a number, nor a measurement of numbers) it got us wondering; who will the future hosts of Raw be? Well lucky for you, our mole in WWE creative *cough* The Fink *cough* slipped us a list of the next few Raws.

1. Chris Jericho

The Million Dollar Man buying his spot as Raw host last week got us thinking; what if a current star were to buy time as the host and set things up in his favor? Well who's the only wrestler successful enough, yet dastardly enough to do such a thing? Yup, Chris Jericho. Look for Jericho to book himself into a WWE Title match where Randy Orton has to have both hands handcuffed together, wear a bag over his head, and gets pinned after a one count. Jericho will then win the world title, only to be stripped of it the next week when his check bounces.

2. Dixie Carter and Jeff Jarrett

Vince is so hard up for money that he will even sell a slot to his TNA rivals. Unfortunately, Kevin Nash will break his foot driving to the show, Samoa Joe will get mistook for Umaga and be escorted out the building, and TNA Raw will ultimately be a failure. Sound familiar?

3. Robert Evans

The Kid himself; legendary film producer Robert Evans. For the uncouth hillfolk who read us, Robert Evans was an actor who eventually became the head of Paramount studios. When he took over Paramount there were eight major film studios; Paramount was ninth. Within five years they were the top of the mountain, all due to Evans keen eye for detail. He produced Love Story, Rosemary's Baby, The Godfather Trilogy, and Chinatown. So obviously, he'd be a solid choice to be GM for Raw. Look for him to make Ric Flair his right hand man, because him and the Nature Boy are going to dance all night long.

And do cocaine. They will do lots of cocaine.

And not leave the memories alone.

Seriously, Slash is his neighbor.

4. Torrie Wilson

Coming off her recent "fame" on I'm a Celebrity, (really?) Get Me Out of Here!, the fetching Ms. Wilson will bring much needed cross over appeal onto the show. Oh, she used to be a Diva? Get out of here! That can't be possible because no one would ever voluntarily leave WWE. Especially a woman! What woman would want to quit a job where this is the common opinion of the backstage meetings?





5. The Laugh Twins.

You read it right. The two kings will be hosting Monday Night Raw in the not too distant future. Expect Matt to mark out over The Animal and Adam to shit all over everything, calling HHH "Monday Night Blah" and Hornswaggle "Monday Night Flaws." Also, for our main event, we will bring back the hog pen match. We know it's kinda lame, but trust us, we'll make it better. First off, it'll be for the WWE title! And second off, it won't involve Santino or any other uggo rolling around in dung. No, it'll be a different kind of hog pen match.

Now THAT'S a hog pen!