Haas of muscles

We, the Laugh Twins, love to stay on top of the comings and goings of wrestlers in our respective neighborhoods. Never wanting to miss an opportunity to bring a story and a few pictures to you, dear reader, we love to make sure that no appearance goes at least unnoticed, and hopefully attended.

Imagine our delight, then, when we found out Seal of Awesomeness winner Charlie Haas and his wife, former diva Miss Jackie, were opening a store right in Laugh Twin Matt's backyard - Frisco, Texas! And then imagine, if you will, our dismay when we found out several hours too late.

On hand at the grand opening of the only "Custom Muscle" retail store were the aforementioned Mr. and Mrs. Haas, JBL and Matt Striker. Apparently the opening drew a pretty good crowd, and they were giving away free smoothies and samples! Good grief! We LOVE samples!

To illustrate just how badly LT Matt dropped the ball on this one, we'll provide you with a map showing just how much travel would have been needed. (Note: this will not direct you to Matt's house - no matter how bad you want it to):


That's about thirty miles. (Matt's note: Uh, yeah, on the tollway. Sheesh...)

Perusing the about us section of the website, we first notice that Umaga is in on this venture too. Guess you don't get much more custom than that. Also, they make liberal use of puns, one of our favorite things, and a big reason why Charlie Haas is so dear to our hearts. There's "JACKIE of all trades," "Haas of Pain," and "Haashold."

Their tagline is devilishly simple as well: "Customizing your Muscles needs." We'd say that just about sums it up.

So let's take a look at the products...here's something for liver health, something each of the Laugh Twins are sure to need after years of self-hate have turned into an alcohol problem. The first item on here is a 90-count bottle of Champion Liver Cleanse pills for $0.00. Sir, you have a deal!

Here's a tanning lotion called "Barely Legal."

For all your teen tanning needs!

The product description says,

Get a tan so dark it is almost illegal...

Well, now what does that mean? Is there something illegal about being dark-skinned??

Above: felony

Alright, look, we know our audience, so let's just get what we've been looking for since you heard her mentioned. All over the site, there are links to Miss Jackie's page, JustJackieHaas.com. We'd say go check it out yourself, but it's absolutely a pain to navigate, so don't go expecting a Jackiepot. (<--more puns!)
We can think of a couple other "Jackie" puns...that's exJackiely what we needed!




And eJackielation.