OH BABY, I like it RAW! XVIII

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

For a theme song to accompany this post, please press play and enjoy...



So just what were the repercussions of Shane's attack on Randy Orton? How is Orton dealing? Why did Shane do it?

I think we know why.

Shane starts the show to explain that instead of being charged with assault like he thought was going to happen (ok, seriously Shane...how long have you been around wrestling? Have you EVER seen anyone charged with assault?), Orton wants a match at No Way Out. A NO HOLDS BARRED match, which means it's going to be crazy.

So Shane says sure, he'll take the match, and he's going to beat Orton so bad that he can't make it to Wrestlemania. Because preventing one of your company's top performers from appearing at the biggest show of the year is a sound business decision.

Randy explained that neither he nor Cody nor Teddy Jr. fought back against Shane last week, because that's what he told them to do. Sure, Randy. That's a plausible explanation, and not that you and your crew got served a plate of ass-whip last week. In any case, Orton said that Shane should call the hospital and order a bed next to Vince. Does it work that way?'

"Uh, yes, I'll take a bed, preferably something in ICU. I feel I'm getting the shit kicked out me tonight."

Shane then has to fight off Legacy with a kendo stick. Is there anything he can't do?

You're still not impressing Orton.

That would be costly, as injuries accrued would leave Cody and Teddy at a disadvantage against Cryme Tyme. They had to resort to double-teaming one of them (CJ, maybe?) which led to 2/3 of Legacy being DQ'd.

Seriously, isn't this the same guy?

Next is Chris Jericho, come to comment on the Mickey Rourke situation. Good, because that whole things been giving me fits and keeping me up at night. Jericho says he didn't like "The Wrestler" because it highlight all the old wrestlers who can't quit the business. He gives Ric Flair as one example, and says rather than live in a mansion, Flair is signing autographs at high schools and selling his name to anyone. Now wait a minute Jericho, I think you might be mistaken there.

Er...um...well, I'm sure there's a logical explanation

Damn it, Ric.

Of course, who comes down to champion everything old school? Mr. John Cena of course, the man who doesn't believe in keeping his cell phone turned on. Cena makes fun of Jericho for using big words, and good for him, because I sure find them scary!

Don't open it...they're IN there!

Naturally, Cena is going to kick his ass.

Orton jumped Stephanie and Shane backstage, and nearly punted Steph's head off! Shane managed to block it with his body. Randy snapped out of it, and looked genuinely upset. Seems that IED is really out of his control.

My other favorite Diva, Candice Michelle, went up against the Glamazon. I'd post pictures, but Candice just got beat up the whole time, and there's not a lot to choose from in a three minute beat-down. Ok, ok...here's one.



Ric Flair is coming back to next week (tonight)!! I guess he couldn't stand what Jericho was saying about him. But please, Ric, don't get back in the ring. Just...leave the memories alone.



JBL came out to give Shawn Michaels his employee review. I guess it's that time of year. Bradshaw said Shawn failed in getting him to Wrestlemania as the champ, and he should be fired. But then Shawn would be broke!

So JBL offers a deal: he and HBK fight at No Way Out. If Shawn wins, he gets paid everything he's owed and never has to work for JBL again. If he loses, JBL owns his for life. He can make Shawn do whatever he wants and use Shawn's name however he choses. Sounds like a pretty RAW (get it?) deal, but HBK accepts.


Stephanie is seen talking backstage with Kane. She's offered him a spot in the Elimination Chamber. In exchange, he got on the phone and THE UNDERTAKER will be at next week (tonight!!) to face Randy Orton!! I guess they're still tight?

Finally, it's match you've been waiting about an hour for - Jericho versus Cena. Let's go to the tape!


Yep, Cena got revenge for all the old-timers, two of which will be on Raw tonight! Be sure to tune in, 9/8c on America's entertainment destination, USA!!!1