LOL, Wresslin': R U READY TO DOWN SOME SMACK??? A lean, mean, Extreme scene

Friday, May 29, 2009

R U READY TO DOWN SOME SMACK??? A lean, mean, Extreme scene

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

Before the Denver Debacle, WWE had to run some shows in cities that did not have NBA playoff teams. This week's Smackdown was in Cincinnati, Ohio. AKA, the worst place in the world. So the show has a little stink on it already. We better start out strong.

A promo? Really? The show opens with a promo? AGAIN??

Check the file name for joke

Anyway, since in ring promos (that don't involve NBA owners and da monnnaaaayyy) bore me, I am thinking about just skipping it. Of course, this one seemed sort of important, so let me give you the bullet points.

Very gay belt

2) Jeff Hardy wants to wrestle Edge tonight (last week!) to determine the stipulation for their PPV rematch. Edge does not want to do that. So Jeff goes into the crowd and asks them if they want they. They all said yes.

The dude on the left LOVES it!

I wish someone said "NO! I WANT FRESH MATCHUPS!". That would have ruled.

Ok, on to some wresslin'! Wait, not yet! Here's a photo of Michelle McCool!

If she were pantsless I'd totally masturbate to this picture. No joke.

Ok, now on to some wrestling! Chris Jericho and CM Punk got it on (sexually) again. They had a match the night before on that WWE Superstars show. You know (tm), Velocity 2.0. So yes, it was sooooo exciting.

That's one way to GTS

And if that wasn't enough the MOST UNEXPECTED THING IN THE HISTORY OF THINGS HAPPENED IN THIS MATCH.

Getting kicked in the head by a real Cinci-Fatty

But this time, shit got real. Because he had a strap! Signifying he wanted a strap match at Extreme Rules! And then get this, the MOST UNEXPECTED THING IN THE HISTORY OF THINGS HAPPENED AGAIN, as Umaga spoke!

Haven't we all dreamed of this particular scenario before?

And in the aforementioned main event, WWE gave away PPV matches on free TV again because it somehow sells PPV's. The buyrates support this theory. So yea, they wrestled in a singles match, with the winner getting to pick the stipulation for their title match. Granted, I'd pick a "I get to bring a knife to the ring" or "You're blindfolded and handcuffed" match, but whatever. I'm not that sporting. You know what is rather sporting? WWE.com's editorial department and their love of puns.

WWE.com interns, I love you..

Anyway, since Edge won at the last PPV (through cheating, no doubt) it makes perfect sense that Jeff would win clean this time, putting the evil champ at a disadvantage. And guess what? This is Smackdown! Things make sense here!