Cash creates more cash

In case you weren't aware, WWE's pay-per-view buyrates are pretty much all down this year from last. That may seem like an obvious thing to you, seeing that the economy is in the tank and all. But historically, entertainment flourishes when financial times are bad. So why is WWE taking it on the chin this year, and more importantly, what are they going to do to fix it?

There's a few ways most of us sane people would suggest trying first:

1. Decrease the number of pay-per-views to avoid oversaturation of the market.

2. Spend more time building up feuds.

3. Avoid giving away PPV-quality matches during Raw or Smackdown.

4. Create new and interesting gimmick matches.

The WWE, however, doesn't feel like any of these are a good idea, and in order to recoup the money they've lost from lower buys, they're just going to up the price next year. That's right - the base price of a pay-per-view is going from $39.95 to $44.95 (convert it to pounds yourself, international readers). After all is said and done, a monthly event will cost you one crisp Grant.


Now we, being the internet-famous Laugh Twins, get all of our pay-per-views comped, so this doesn't really affect us, but we like to pretend like we care about those of you who aren't so fortunate. Which is why we're right there with you when we say, "This effin' blows." When more and more people are choosing to pay for groceries rather than get their hair done or buy a new gadget, wrestling pay-per-views are one of those things that fall into the "Shit I Don't Need" category, so this seems like WWE is a little out of touch with just where they rank in most people's lives.

So what would be better? Clearly we see the need for the WWE to make money, and this is one way they do it. We can't fault them for that, and neither can we fault them for trying to squeeze as much cash out of us as they can. However, there are other ways.

We would like to suggest a tiered, a la carte style of event, with buyers able to pick and choose the matches they would like to see, with the undercard matches being slightly less than the main event. A few bucks per match, with discounts to those who order several or all of them. In that way, the WWE cannot only charge a little more than they would were the prices to be broken down "per match," but they can also instantly gauge the hot storylines and the ones that might need a little more work.

Let's take a look at their last big show, SummerSlam, and see how this pricing might work:

WWE Intercontinental Championship - Rey Mysterio vs. Dolph Ziggler
Price: $2.75
Rey counts as three-quarters of a wrestler, so any match he's involved in will be discounted.

MVP vs. Jack Swagger
Price: $3.10
No title on the line, so it can't cross that five dollar mark, but this is a battle for honor. It's also got that ex-con vs. college boy vibe, so a few extra cents for that one. Who wouldn't pay for a good battle of the races?

Unified Tag Team Championship - Jeri-Tall vs. Cryme Tyme
Price: Free with any purchase
Come on...it's the tag team titles. Even Jericho can't resurrect these belts.

Kane vs. The Great Khali
Price: $5.50
It's big man versus big man! Which big man is the biggest?! Who is going to shove the other down first?! This is drama and tension at its all-time finest! (Note: we're speaking as WWE executives right now, not fans.)

DX vs. The Legacy
Price: $6.00
Yes, yes, it's a tag match, but there's no title on the line so this must be worth something. Extra $1.00 surcharge for "nostalgia," plus another fifty cents for the wrestling clinic Cody Rhodes is sure to put on. That kind of education isn't cheap, friends!

ECW Championship - Christian vs. William Regal
Price: First viewer pays $10.00. After that, it's free.
No one should be forced to pay for this, but that one ECW fan will be sure to pick it up.

WWE Championship - Randy Orton vs. John Cena
Price: $9.00
Premium billing because of "hogs" and "jorts." Also, any wrestler with an animal nickname commands an extra $1.50. Price increases retroactively to $9.75 if Cena pumps up his sneakers/smirks at the camera/attempts the Attitude Adjustment more than twice.

TLC match for the World Heavyweight Championship - C.M. Punk versus Jeff Hardy
Price: $12.00
Lots of extra charges for this one: main event match, gimmick match, major championship, face paint, match involving someone currently taking illicit drugs. $2.00 discount for C.M. Punk's product placement advertising for Pepsi. Bonus undercard match if Hardy is arrested during the bout.