R U READY TO DOWN SOME SMACK??? Destruction before Survival

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

It seems like I say this every couple weeks, but there's a show that you must pay for each viewing coming up this Sunday. This one isn't stupid though. Nope. It's one of the important ones! Survivor Series, where a lot of workers get a PPV bonus because of all the huge tag matches!

However, we must first talk about last week's Smackdown. It took place over in some rainy island that lost its empire. I'm pretty sure Ray over at Wrestlegasm was popping a major girl boner for her one chance to see CM Punk. Lucky for us, he didn't do much in last week on Smackdown, so we can talk about more pleasant things.

Like Mickie James.

Veteran"? Isn't that just code for "old"? It seems as if Mickie has heat with the interns of WWE.com too.

She wrestled Natayla, who is not remotely involved in Survivor Series. As such, you'd expect her to get her butt trounced, but no! Mean girls Michelle McCool and Layla decided to cut up Mickie James sparkle jeans! Natayla then locked in the sharpshooter, the move Shawn Michaels used to screw her uncle Bret out of the WWF Title at Survivor Series 1997.

Side note from the "Where are they know?" files: Did you know that Bret Hart eventually suffered a stroke?

Girls only care about clothes, lulz.

In other Ray boner news, WWE decided to split the crowd reaction and have two dudes from the UK fight. Scottish (right?) Drew McIntyre took on Irish (right?) Finlay in a fight of Twister level of epicness.

"Our beer is better, chap!"

Anyway, these two went so hog wild on each other's bodies that the referee ejaculated lost control and just disqualified both men. You know (tm), for a "future world champion" Drew McIntyre sure doesn't do much to make himself standup. If he debuted three years earlier he'd be part of the Spirit Squad.

That could have been Drew McIntyre

People love to pity Rey Mysterio, because his friends seem to turn on him all the time. Well you now (tm) what I think? What's the one constant in that equation? Maybe Rey is the problem!? Well, rather then be a rational adult and sort things out or avoid the confrontation, Rey is fighting his former friend Batista (he's bad now) at the Survivor Series. Well, only one way to make this official- contract signing!

Face=black

Heel=white

This contract signing was pretty mundane; no lawyers present, parties only need sign one line and not actually review the document, and no one notarizes it nor is an official witness. Just like when I signed my mortgage! And of course, the parties choose to yell at each other after they sign the document, thereby showing the mutual agreement that they both promised to uphold.

Or "I make a unilateral deal alone!"

And of course, it ends in a fight. Just like they teach you in law school.


The main event was World Champion the Undertaker taking on one half of the Unified Tag Champs, Chris Jericho, in OMG!!!111!!THEFIRSTTIMEEVER!!11!!!11!BBQSHIFT1ONE




Yea, sorry to say it, but this one was a little weak. Who would have thought that a World Champion, responsible for PPV buys, ratings, and being an overall merchandise mover who only has one hip could no longer have awesome matches? Common knowledge would make you believe that you have him put over other talent, elevating them as he slowly declines into poor health, but hey, this is WWE! Why bother planning that far ahead when they can just give away this match with hardly any build?

Oh, and Undertaker goes over in the match and THEN the Big Show interferes so Jericho can get his heat back. Because why have the match end in a no-finish when you can let Jericho job again, thereby leaving little doubt who will win on Sunday?

Step 1 of logical booking

Step 2

Oh, and speaking of heat...KANE!

Step 3: Profit!

There will be a tag match tonight with those four dudes. At least one of them can work! Avert your eyes to MyNetwork TV at 8/7c! Or log into hulu.com before they make you pay!