Tell me another lie

Today is a sad day on earth-53. We've lost one of our own. Yes, Jamie Noble has retired Brock Lesnar is really sick and will probably have to retire. We'll pour a 40 on the curb for you, dude.



Now, we hear some of you snickering. "Oh, those Laugh Twins are at it again! Making a big deal over nothing, lulz." Well shut up! Jamie Noble Brock Lesnar (kinda) rules! No joke. His entire career has been marked by nothing short of excellence. He started in WCW WWE as part of the tag team The Jung Dragons The Next Big Thing, who had the gimmick of being Asian guys fucking scary. Jamie, not being an Asian, wore a mask, thereby breaking down racial barriers for decades to come! Then, he took of his mask and formed another tag team with some dude named Evan Karagias, forming a tag team called "Noble & Karagias." Brilliant name, surpassed only by "Above Average" Mike Sanders. Brock was managed by Paul Heyman and has lots of tattoos.

This should answer your next question

When the WWF bought WCW, Noble was one of the 22 wrestlers whose contracts WWF decided to pick up from the old fed. That's right. They didn't take Goldberg, or Hogan, or Sting, or even Flair. Nope. Jaime Noble made the cut. That right there is evidence of his might. Brock was quickly brought into the main event scene, by winning the 2002 King of the Ring. Then he beat the Rock at Summerslam 2002 to win the Undisputed Championship. Soon after, Smackdown signed him to an exclusive contract, so Raw just gave HHH a championship, thereby disputing his championship. He also beat the Undertaker in a Hell in a Cell match, but this is tainted since the Undertaker was alive as The American Badass (Deadman Undertaker can't be beat! ;))

Then he almost died attempting to shooting star onto Kurt Angle at Wrestlemania XIX.

Eventually, he got tired of wrestling (read, didn't want to give back), and jobbed to Goldberg at Wrestlemania XX (where the shows final moment ended with both champions being dead within four years.)

Once in out of the loving arms of Vince McMahon, JamieBrock was able to be the real Jamie Brock. He became a good old country boy, living in his trusty trailer with his girlfriend Nidia Rena "Sable" Mero (who just so happened to have recently won WWF Tough Enough I some sexually transmitted diseases). He also brought in his cousin, Nunzio, to WWE. Which makes perfect sense because the Italians are a race of people who frequently copulate with other races. tried out to play in the NFL, despite not having played football in over a decade. He played defensive end and was cut by the Minnesota Vikings in the preseason. He wisely decided to not play in NFL Europe.

The good fortune didn't stop there, as Jamie and Nidia won the lottery and lived in hog heaven for a brief period. All until Tajiri, still mad about that Jung Dragons thing, decided to spit black mist in Nidia's face, blinding her. Jamie decided to get some ass on the side, since she was blind. Also, he thought he'd get away with it because on earth-53, the wrestlers never see what the crowd sees. Anyway, the two of them had a blindfold match which Jamie won because men are the dominate sex. Brock went back to wrestling, this time in Japan. He fought Kurt Angle for the IWGP Heavyweight title and won. Miraculously, no one broke their neck.



Anyway, JamieBrock went back to WWE a worked sport and was part of SmackdownUltimate Fighting Championship for a longshort time. He lost a bunch of Cruiserweight title matches fight, which sucks, but he also had a pretty awesome feud against Chuck Palumbo won the UFC championship at UFC 100. Basically, he beat the former homosexual(s) a lot and got to steal lay upon his woman because of it. Check out the old cooze hound in action.



Then some albino some intestinal issue beat him up so bad that JamieBrock (probably) hads to retire. Relax though, "he doesn't have cancer or AIDS or anything like this."

Now, we know this may not seem like the most illustrious of careers. But honestly, what have you ever done? Can you look yourself in the mirror and say your half the man Jamie Noble Brock Lesnar is? Sure, he's short ginourmous! But he's bigsmall on heartintestines. And above all else, he was part of the greatest Velocity matchmilk drinking contest of all time!



Yea, we thought so.