R U READY TO DOWN SOME SMACK??? Survival of the Fittest

SEASON'S BEATINGS!

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

In the interest of full disclosure, I'm not working on my usual computer today. Thanksgiving and all. So we're going to try something novel. I'm going to be funny without my usual crutch of racist/dick pictures. Be thankful I'm even still doing this, you sycophantic hypocrites.

Bad friend Rey Mysterio got what he deserved as hometown boy Dave "The Animal" Batista just took him out back and whooped him bad. As a former resident of the District of Columbia, I can tell you the most intimate details of this bludgeoning. After the match, Rey was stretchered off into a ambulance and taken to the George Washington University Hospital on 24th and I St NW. The hospital of the President! Once Rey was resting peacefully, the Animal burst in and started brawling again! They brawled around the Washington Circle all the way down M St! They went down Wisconsin Ave and left The Gap there in shambles! They turned right onto Dumbarton, stepped into Big Planet Comics, bought Absolute The New Frontier and then went across the street to the ORIGINAL Five Guys! It's the only one that serves beer! They then ate peanuts and threw the shells on the floor, ate some fries with Old Bay spice, laughed and read comics, and then started fighting again! They went back to Wisconsin, back down M, back to the Washington Circle, got on Pennsylvania Ave, and eventually destroyed the White House!

Five star match!

A bunch of Divas had a match and I just felt sad that they have a job that requires low self esteem. Thankfully, the "fat" Mickie James and "Hispanic" Melina overcame their white oppressors and survived this series!

Finally, a tag team took on the Undertaker for his world title. How will the Undertaker hold his own!? Oh wait, it's a triple threat match! Will the tag team fight each other for a chance at singles glory?

Yes. Yes they did.

Proving there is no honor amongst thieves, our paragon of virtue, Chris Jericho, turned on his tag partner and tried to win the title. Since Jericho exists to put other people over, this attempt was unsuccessful. The Undertaker then made The Big Show tap out, so the 50 year old man with one hip and a ridiculous gimmick once again represents the company. Yes, the man who has such tenure that he no longer needs to go on the road and is so injury prone that he can not perform at the level he's previously established he could, is now responsible for house show attendance and television ratings, despite not being able to appear at both. All this defying conventional wisdom that "the money is in the face chasing the heel."

Brilliant.