Tell me a lie

Today is a sad day on earth-53. We've lost one of our own. Yes, Jamie Noble has retired. We'll pour a 40 on the curb for you, dude.



Now, we hear some of you snickering. "Oh, those Laugh Twins are at it again! Making a big deal over nothing, lulz." Well shut up! Jamie Noble rules! No joke. His entire career has been marked by nothing short of excellence. He started in WCW as part of the tag team The Jung Dragons, who had the gimmick of being Asian guys. Jamie, not being an Asian, wore a mask, thereby breaking down racial barriers for decades to come! Then, he took of his mask and formed another tag team with some dude named Evan Karagias, forming a tag team called "Noble & Karagias." Brilliant name, surpassed only by "Above Average" Mike Sanders.

Yea, he's about a 6.

When the WWF bought WCW, Noble was one of the 22 wrestlers whose contracts WWF decided to pick up from the old fed. That's right. They didn't take Goldberg, or Hogan, or Sting, or even Flair. Nope. Jaime Noble made the cut. That right there is evidence of his might.

Once in the loving arms of Vince McMahon, Jamie was able to be the real Jamie. He became a good old country boy, living in his trusty trailer with his girlfriend Nidia (who just so happened to have recently won WWF Tough Enough I). He also brought in his cousin, Nunzio, to WWE. Which makes perfect sense because the Italians are a race of people who frequently copulate with other races.

The good fortune didn't stop there, as Jamie and Nidia won the lottery and lived in hog heaven for a brief period. All until Tajiri, still mad about that Jung Dragons thing, decided to spit black mist in Nidia's face, blinding her. Jamie decided to get some ass on the side, since she was blind. Also, he thought he'd get away with it because on earth-53, the wrestlers never see what the crowd sees. Anyway, the two of them had a blindfold match which Jamie won because men are the dominate sex.



Then he got released for steroid usage.

This would also be fortuitous, as Mr. Noble went to the Ring of Honor. Now normally, that's not a good thing, but what did Jamie do there? Only won their frickin WORLD title. And who did he beat for it? Why, only CM Punk, Samoa Joe, and Christopher Daniels in a four-way match. Yes, Two former world champions and the other part of this Sunday's TNA PPV main event. We'd say Jamie Noble rules hard.

A month later he lost the title to Bryan Danielson. This no doubt paved the way for the eventual WWE Developmental deal Danielson signed four years later.

Anyway, Jamie went back to WWE and was part of Smackdown for a long time. He lost a bunch of Cruiserweight title matches, which sucks, but he also had a pretty awesome feud against Chuck Palumbo. Basically, he beat the former homosexual a lot and got to steal his woman because of it. Check out the old cooze hound in action.



Jamie then got traded to Monday Night Raw, where he continued being awesome and impressing ladies. Yup, Jamie Noble is more pimp then the Godfather ever was.



Then some albino beat him up so bad that Jamie had to retire.

Now, we know this may not seem like the most illustrious of careers. But honestly, what have you ever done? Can you look yourself in the mirror and say your half the man Jamie Noble is? Sure, he's short! But he's big on heart. And above all else, he was part of the greatest Velocity match of all time.



Yea, we thought so.