Happy New Year: We'll be better this time

SEASON'S BEATINGS!


Oh yes, the new year. 2009. Not even a day into it, and still there's so much promise. So much to do, so much to improve. The new year marks new beginnings and a fresh start on life. A chance to reboot the old head computer and a install a new operating system, with fresh new programs that work a lot better than the old ones; and while you're at it, go ahead and upgrade your video card, because we all know there's going to be some sort of killer game that just won't run with your old hardware. Unless of course you game on a home console, and then that part of the analogy means dick to you.

Where were we?

Right, New Year's Day. Almost as obligatory as getting plowed on New Year's Eve and making out with your best friend's girlfriend or possibly your best friend, is waking up the next day and saying, "I'm never doing that again." Thus we have New Year's resolutions - those self-imposed mandates to live a better life, and at which we can look 364 days from now and realize how big of a failure we are.

LOL, Wresslin' may seem like an enigmatic, face-less Internet site that spews mounds and mounds of comedy and contempt on a daily basis, but we assure you there are two real people behind the scenes. Two people just like you (OK, maybe not JUST like you; we're better than you). Seeing as how no matter how perfect someone is, they can always be perfecter, we've decided to put together a list of New Year's resolutions that we will stand by in this, the ninth year after the world ended in 2000.

We will spellcheck.

Sometimes this ceaseless stream of consciousness comes at a price: accuracy. Now, it should be obvious that part of our gimmick is playing on the ubiquitous Internet meme of LOLcats, which forces us to misspell things occasionally.

And sometimes be completely inscrutable

But that doesn't mean our writing has to mirror that. Even though the kind folks at Google have thought to include a spellchecker on Blogger, our spelling occasionally is so terrible, the computer assumes we're typing in a different language and ignores it completely. There's nothing to match the human eye, so we will implement a technique used by actual writers: proofreading.

We will give the other brands a chance.

You may have already noticed that this blog is WWE-centric. And if you haven't noticed that yet, welcome to LOL, Wresslin'!

The few times we've even mentioned the competing brands (TNA, and some other combinations of letters), it's with disdain and an air of superiority. So this year, we will put away the unfounded hate and commit to write about (and possibly even watch!) some of the various wrestling programs that aren't put on by the WWE. That is, until we really do hate them.

We will improve our photoshop skills.

The mark of a good website is the ability to manipulate well-known images into something that better suits the purpose of the article, or something that is simply very funny. We lack that ability. Every now and again, we will enlist the help of our friend Brian to do some work for us. The difference between his photoshopping and ours is stark and, quite frankly, embarrassing.

Made by Brian:

Awesome!

Made by us:

Seriously?

So we'll do our best to get better at the whole photo manipulation thing, or just get Brian to do stuff for us and claim it as ours.

We will get rowdy.

Not sure what all this will entail, but we do know we were not fortunate enough to be that way before it was cool. Now that "rowdy" is apparently cool, we're a little behind the times, and in 2009, that will change. From henceforth, the Laugh Twins are rowdy. If you are in a bar and some patron remarks, "That fella over there at the pinball table sure is getting rowdy," chances are you're in the same bar as one of us. Congratulations. Buy us a drink, and maybe we'll get rowdy with you.

We will be nicer.

Sure, we seem heartless, but there are times when we sometimes hover over the "Publish Post" button and think, "Is this too mean?" Then we just press it anyway, and laugh all the way to the bank. Not that we're getting paid for this - we just needed to deposit the unemployment check. But in 2009, we'd like to consider the feelings of others. We know that the wrestlers we make fun of are public figures, probably don't read this, and deserve it anyway, but they just might wander to this corner of the interwebs and really get their feelings hurt. So, from this point forward, we will make a concerted effort to rein in the vitriol and maybe even add something positive to the online community.

Eh, never mind.

We will always LOL at Wresslin'.

Pretty much the entire reason this blog exists. Not that we didn't do this before now, but we are reaffirming to ourselves that whatever changes our lives see, wherever we may be led, and whatever may happen to our little slice of the Internet pie, we will always find something to laugh about in professional wrestling. We hope you join us, and if you do, WHY DON'T YOU LEAVE A COMMENT ABOUT IT, YOU NON-CONTRIBUTING MASS OF HUMAN FAT?