R U READY TO DOWN SOME SMACK??? vol. 13

SEASON'S BEATINGS!

Matt and Adam take the brand extension very seriously. They each only identify with one brand and actively follow it. Matt bleeds Raw red and Adam has Smackdown blue coursing through his veins. Being soldiers in the ongoing war for brand supremacy has charged both of them up enough to provide handy recaps of the previous week's show. That way, no new viewers will feel lost. Thus, every Monday and Friday, we here at LOL, Wresslin' will offer you a refresher. Hey, it's the least we can do.

It's the first WWE event of the new year! Have the superstars of Smackdown made any resolutions? Of course they didn't! They're perfect in every way. Ever.

Last week's show started out with a pissed HHH. We know he was pissed because he came to the ring with a sledgehammer. Sledgehammer means pissed. Anyway, he calls out Vladimir Kozlov because HHH, being a Connecticut blue blood, HATES socialism in all it's forms (USA!). Kozlov wisely decides to not come to the ring due to said sledgehammer. But you know who wasn't very smart? You guessed it, Chavo Guerrero!

Well the two of them talk things out rationally like adults and....wait a second! That didn't happen! No, what really happened was GM Vickie Guerrero came out and made a match between the two of them. Why she put her nephew in a match with a 10 time world champion (plus a weapon) is beyond me, but I think it's clear to all of us that Vickie somehow blames Chavo for her current marital status. That's right, he introduced her to Edge!



So they had their match when this happened:

"Hurm...Randy is better..."

And then HHH really took over and this happened:

Not pictured: the resting spot for that hammer.

Our WWE tag title feud continued once again with a singles match. Let's take a look at the competitors.





Advantage: Carlito.

In other Smackdown title news, Shelton Benjamin successfully defended his US title against Hurricane Helms. However, far more importantly, Helms is losing his grip on his Seal of Awesomness. No more Hurrapops. Long, stupid hair. Back tat. And offense like this:

Shape up or ship out, sailor!

I'm going to keep this quick. MVP must be a giant Detroit Lions fan. I'm just sayin'.


And what of our WWE champion, Jeff Hardy? Well, his ONE rule is that he's going to keep it clean in the new year. So he might go through a few night terrors or something, as he hallucinates a fight with a giant every now and then.


Oh right. We're being nice now. Well, for the second straight week Jeff Hardy DID NOT defend his new WWE title against a much bigger opponent. This time, the Big Show! And he's a formidable opponent, having lost many high profile matches against the Undertaker in the recent weeks.

So Show was was too big for The Clown Prince of Wresslin', as he even was able to kick out of the Swanton Bomb! But is he too big to kick out of a count out?

You see, cause he's got so much excess skin on account of being fat. Get it?

Finally, some sad news here around the Smackdown galaxy. Michelle McCool lost her Divas Title. I know, but it totally wasn't her fault. For some reason they decided to have an inexperienced referee like Maria officiate a title match. Why? That makes no sense. So Maryse was able to capitalize on this poor judgement by Vickie Guerreo and abscond away with Michelle's strap. And Michelle didn't take it too well.

The stuff of dreams

Still, I think she was a justified, if not a bit exxxtreme. I'm sorry baby. I feel your pain.

Now go McC(.)(.)k me some dinner!

Smackdown comes to you live (on tape) from my home state of New Jersey tonight! Tune your smellavision to MyNetwork TV, 8/7c!